When I was a desk clerk we had a reservation for a Dr. [Mickey] Frankenstein. (The Mickey part isn’t real, but the Frankenstein is.) He was German as it turned out. I had to threaten the clerks who worked that night within an inch of their lives (politely) to NOT use the guest’s name in ANY context more complicated than “How are you tonight, Dr. Frankenstein?” as I’m guessing he’d actually heard of the book. (One clerk was just incredibly obnoxious and would do it for spite, the other was a very sweet but congenitally ditzy older lady (60s) who once during a medical convention checked in a very successful doctor who happened to be about- no exaggeration- 3 feet tall and who was accompanied by his even shorter wife- with the greeting “Ooooooh… you two are just sooooooo cute! How tall are you?” while looking down from the desk and beaming and waving like a maniac.
Ah, but there is a difference, you see:
Number of times a person hears “Hi, I’m your waitress…” in a week: 0-7
Number of times a waitress hears “Hi, I’m your customer…” in a week: 0-500
That’s why it can potentially be more annoying for one side of the food-money exchange than the other.
From my last clerk job, where I worked a loto machine:
“The winning ticket, please!”
After the seventieth time of this one on a busy night, I could scarcely mouth my stock response: “If I knew which one was the winning one, I wouldn’t be working here.”
Ugh, that’s kinda mean. I think the reason that it works so well for dad, is that he is very respectful and definitely lets them know how much their service is appreciated, right from the get-go.
And he has never been the type that just sees them as some “invisiperson” or something. He sees them as just as important and competent as any other “fancy” profession.
The waitresses in his home town give him a horribly hard time back, teasing him about his nasty weak coffee and stuff like that.
So yeah, I agree being mean just to be funny would be awful.
I think that we can extend that rule to ALL areas of life, not just diner/foodserver interaction.
I was a letter carrier for 7 years a while back, and the overused joke in that venue is “you can keep all the bills, heh heh,” as the resident got the mail from me as I walked up to the porch. One day my wife walked the route with me and said, “Holy shit, they do say that all the time!” after the tenth example within the first hour of walking.
But they show up everywhere. If you are mowing your lawn you can depend on one neighbor saying, “when you’re done there you can do mine.” Which is the exact same thing they’ll say when you are washing your car, of course.
Does the phrase “facilitating identity theft” mean anything to these companies?
Probably not. I have had a credit card stolen and used, and I was stunned that the clerk at 7-11 hadn’t asked for an ID, especially since the card was used to purchase a money order. That alone should have raised a red flag. I actually get angry if I use a credit or debit card and the clerk doesn’t ask me for ID, unless I’m entering my PIN.
I think a policy of forbidding merchants from asking for ID when a customer uses a credit card is irresponsible in the extreme.[/hijack]
“Sure. And when I’m done fucking my wife, I’ll do yours next.” Betcha never hear any variation of that joke again. 
You hereby have my permission to be really sarcastic to me if I accidently say something like that. But I’ll have to wear a badge saying that or no-one’ll know.
The other thing is, yes, everyone should realise those five are used every other second, and avoid them. But unfortunately, most people aren’t students of human nature enough to know perfectly which jokes everyone will make. Sometimes an urge to joke just slips out. I can’t be cold and unfriendly all the time.
But then MY sense of humour is trying to people hearing it for the FIRST time, anyway, so never mind 
As a desk clerk I used to hear “If there are any good lookin’ women who need a place to stay, you can send 'em up to my room… heh heh heh” on a regular basis. I always wanted to send up a crack whore to just one of their rooms with a key.
When I was a customer service rep in a very busy call center, the customers who were actually being friendly but who I wanted to politely scream “BYE!” and slam the phone on were the ones who when finished with whatever their issue was (this was a mortgage company so it was usually wanting to know why their payment increased) wanted to engage in small talk. “Oh, did you read about that cat who invented a prosthetic limb over in Michigan?” or blah blah blah or “I know somebody with your last name… do you have any relatives in Frothing Duck, Texas? This guy manages an Ikea… or is it a Waffle House? HONEY… does that guy in Frothing Duck manage an Ikea or a Waffle House? Oh… my wife says it’s a Crystal Gayle Museum… anyhoo, he has your last name and lost his arm in an accident but this cat over in Michigan invented a new one blah blah blah…”.
Now, while I realize they were being polite and social, the annoying thing about this is that we can’t just hang up, it would be very rude to say “That’s nice but I have to run”, but at the same time Call Centers are notorious pits of quantitative micromanagement where everyday you have to review how much time your average call took and how many calls you took that day (and, of only about 183rd most-importance, whether you actually helped any of the callers- basically the bosses don’t care whether you help the customers so long as you answer 231 calls per day and stay to under 2 minutes 4 seconds per average call), sooo… whenever you call a customer service center, please be to the point, have your account info ready, and “just the facts ma’am” because the person on the other end simply can’t afford to be reprimanded because you made his average call length 14 seconds above average (and he will be… ).
My dad is a joker… but he’s quiet, so the point often gets missed in a busy restaurant.
His favorite is “tea, on the rocks” or “diet coke, straight up”. What a laugh riot.
He introduced us to the waiter one night. We were on vacation in Dallas, eating at a little mexican place. The guy walks up and says “Hi, I’m Don and I’ll be your waiter tonight.” My dad says “HI! I’m ‘dad’ and this is my lovely wife ‘mom’ and our wonderful daughter ‘filmgeek’.” My mom had had a few too many free bloody marys in the hotel lobby, and laughed so hard she fell out of her chair.
The guy wouldn’t come near our table after that.
The Mariachi band playing “Hang On Sloopy” until we tipped them so they’d go away just added to the festivities.
Um…, this actually seems like pretty big news.
I have never been asked for an ID when using a credit card. Now I do admit to never having used a credit card to get a money order (I just get one at my bank and they take the money out of my account). You can get money orders at 7-11s down there?!
Guy in front of me at the movies says: “One child-like adult”. Several minutes of confusion as ticket seller gives him one child and one adult, then one child ticket. Meanwhile I am worried about missing “The Twenty” (not).
It happens to me constantly and it makes me irate. News flash! You can have ANY FREAKING NAME YOU WANT on your credit card. It does not have to even remotely resemble what’s on your ID. Why use that for comparison? If my credit card says “Donald Duck” and my ID says “Mickey Mouse” so what? That proves nothing and by refusing to let me use it you’re violating the contract you agreed to with Visa/Mastercard which states you’re allowed to check signature only. As long as I sign “Daffy Duck” and it matches the signature on the back of the card then your ass is covered. Quit wasting my time.
Yep, you can get money orders at most convenience stores. A lot of 'em have Western Union thingies, too.
Do you write? I want to be in line for your first book. I don’t often laugh out loud.
Uh, huh. Ya know what I used to write on the backs of my credit cards when I had/used them? “See I.D.” Basically what you’re saying here is that you really don’t mind if someone “borrows” your credit card and goes on a spree. See, the asking for ID (which is actually policy at Wal-Mart, I guess they have the muscle for a merchant agreement that allows it) is for your protection.
I’ll say it again. It is irresponsible in the extreme for credit card companies to prohibit merchants from checking ID when a credit card is used.
Yeah, but you started it.
This is a line I’m very, very tired of, given my particular situation.
Me: “Yes, I had a liver transplant.”
Clever person: “Did they give you onions with that?”
Please, spare me.