August Can't Take It Anymore: August Mini-Rants

Good luck ( & Og Bless) . I haven’t found melatonin to be worth a damn.

She had no plan except to expect everyone around her to ensure her comfort and safety. It would have become your responsibility as well, plus she would not have thanked you but would have complained about all the things she thinks you did wrong.

I know this because it happened once to us with a new off-roader. We stuck around and helped far longer than we should have.

I’ve always planned my kitchen garden knowing that I could take the extra produce to work and leave in the break room fully confident that it would go away. I’m retired now and have an over abundance of tomatoes, bell peppers and cucumbers. I put up a “Free” ad on Nextdoor offering free home grown produce three days ago and nothing. The neighbors don’t answer their doors anymore and I really don’t want to spend an hour in my car just to take the excess to work, but it looks like I’m going to have to. That also means putting on a bra. Crap.

Dear weather forecasters on the news, stop sounding so fucking happily excited about a possible hurricane.

I got another scammer call today, from another self-described Political Action Committee. You know the ones. “Police put their lives on the line for us every day. Our PAC works to elect legislators who will support tough laws to punish evildoers who hurt cops. You’re not one of those low-lifes who WANTS cops to get killed, are you? Of course you’re not. Give us money, okay?” Or “Schools are back in session! Please drive carefully! Speaking of school, our PAC tries to get lawmakers elected who will pass tough sentencing laws that will punish evildoers who run over schoolkids in their cars. You’re not one of those low-lifes who chases kids down with your car so you can run over them, are you? I’m not sure I can believe you. Give us some money, just to prove it.”

I used to try to string the robot along, in the hope that I would eventually be transferred to a live person I could tell to put my number on their “Do Not Call” list, but now they just transfer me to another robot that asks me for my credit card number. I DID find out that if I refuse to make a phone payment, the robot will agree to send me an envelope to mail a check in, and I’d make up a troll-like name and address on the spot.

No more. From now on, I’m John Barron, of 1100 S. Ocean Blvd, Palm Beach, FL 33480.

I encourage everyone to also be that person, at that address.

< cough > < gulp > That sounds like one amazing ad on Nextdoor…

Or posters tacked up on every wall or telephone pole in the neighborhood.
At the top, in a 96-point “Double-D Bold” headline font:

DON’T MAKE ME
PUT ON A BRA!!!

When I was working, I so looked forward to the tomatoes people would leave in the break room! There is nothing better than an imperfect, fresh off the vine tomato. I really miss that.

I like the way you think!

It really was a win-win situation. It’s impossible to plant for just two people and home gardeners can’t just throw their hard won produce in the garbage, which is why I’m going to don a bra tomorrow and drive into town.

There are a whole lot of things I don’t miss about working, but I was surprised to learn that I really did like a few, small things.

Pitting myself, for turning right at an intersection (and without signaling, at that) even though a family was patiently waiting at the crosswalk, because the “don’t walk” signal was on and I assumed it meant that it wouldn’t change again (and/or that meant the main light was going to change and I had to beat it).

Fortunately, no one was plastered on my hood, but needless to say, I discovered that this particular set of signals CAN INDEED let pedestrians in if the cross streets are clear.

If there is still a market place section, could you offer them up to the Board? Summer tomatoes are amazing!

My dentist is always insistent that I feel comfortable with the post-filling “bite” and is happy to make adjustments as needed. It beats having to make time for a return visit because the patient initially figured, well, good enough.

bringing extra food into the office is one of the main things i missed when i was laid off for a bit.

good luck with “the bra of doom”.

If the thread is titled, “Come grab my tomatoes so that I don’t have to wear a bra”, I guarantee you that it will get attention.

When I was a teenager we were visiting my mom’s family in Ohio. One of my aunts lived in Reynoldburg (suburb of Columbus) that billed itself as the Beefsteak Tomato Capital of the World. She had lots of tomatoes. On which I gorged myself every time we were at her house.

Bell Peppers are pretty good too. She could leave them in a supermarket bag on the front porch and her girls would never have to be bothered…

We have a neighbor who randomly leaves tomatoes on peoples’ porches. We call her the Tomato Angel.

That was your first mistake. The second was trying to talk about anything other than the weather.

Took about five hours but my desktop is back to normal! Why five hours? First, pulling the old card damaged a SATA cable so I had to go to Best Buy for a new cable. Then I couldn’t get part of the case architecture back where it belongs. All it does is help hold the back end of the video card in place; I didn’t want to risk damaging my brand new video card by forcing this bit of the case down so I left it out.

Closed the case, plugged it in, turned it on … and there’s this godawful noise. Turned it off, unplugged, opened case … some power cables were up against the CPU fan. Might have something to do with that missing bit of case.

Moved cables, closed case, plugged in, turned on … everything seems okay … wait a minute – one of my drives is missing! Turned off, unplugged, opened case … a different SATA cable somehow got disconnected.

Reconnected SATA cable, closed case, plugged in, turned on … everything seems okay … made sure drivers are up to date … think I’ll try playing a game.

The bra of doom has been donned and doffed. My fruit were delivered into the open arms of a lip licking ex-coworker.

Today I got three urgent replies from Nextdoor folks desperately needing fresh produce.

Much laughter happened upon reading, thank you! @Mundane_Super_Hero, fresh picked off the vine tomatoes don’t like spending time bouncing around in delivery trucks, but if any Arizona Dopers are planning to drive through Cordes Junction, they certainly should contact me!

Or: “I’m not wearing a bra. How do you like these tomatoes?”