apart from the brumDopeFesters we’ve already seen everything the Anguaverse has to offer. 
Emergency pint money!
What? Sparkling wit, charm, flowing conversation…? 
And didn’t you all run away scared?
exactly 
but you are right - we did all eventually run away in a badly directed manner 
Which only took ten minutes
Interestingly, the more pints you drink, the more emergency pint money that you can fit in the belly button.
One of those oh-so-neat feedback loops, methinks.
pan
i suppose its kinda like losing change down the side of the sofa when you think about it.
oooooh POWER TOOLS!
KABOOOOOM!!!
Oh dear. She’s off again.
Not that there’s anything wrong with things going kaboom. In fact, its rather fun sometimes.
You, Angua, are now keeper of the FIRE if Ianzin can’t come.
You shall take on **Tir/b] in all her glory.
And my local Indian is better than yours. And my local bitter is better than yours (if available).
Hurrah, I’ve just gotten a German PhD student drunk.
Yippee! I also have firepaper! KABOOM!
Really? I doubt it. Bear in mind I live in the town where the balti was invented
Easily done. I used to live with a German PhD student, and he spent a lot of his time getting drunk.
What did you make him/her drink?
My local Indian has a creative chef, so has stuff I have never heard of anywhere else. I will be taking a real live Indian with me tonight, so will find out if it is truly his own invention. But it is fantastic, so I don’t really care.
All German PhD students hate drinking during the day, so I tested him. We drank Ringwood 49’er, though I had a couple of Budvar’s head start. He passed the test - buying a second round. Full maks would have been gained by sayin “this is all very lovely but where’s the Tanglefoot?”
hmmm…
*Deep In the Deserts of Egypt a crowd waits expectantly.
Suddenly down a small mountain pass comes the bedraggled figure of Angua in flowing robes. In her hands are two stone tablets. An awed silence washes over the crowd as she begins to speak*
Angua: People of Straight Dope! Hear me! I hold in my hands the words of our Lord God. He appeared before me as a burning bush and has given to us…
Tansu: So how do you know God’s a man then.
Angua: (confused) Sorry…what?
Tansu: You said “he.” Its definitely a “him” is it? Only that seems a bit of sexist leap of logic to me given that he appeared to you as a bush. Which I think we’ll all agree is a pretty genderless manifestation.
If in fact it actually was god.
She glares accusingly at Ianzin who grins and holds his hands up innocently
Random Doper: Actually it’s funny you should say that because bushes do actually have genders…
Angua: (Ignoring him) Um…sorry “he”, “she”, “it” whatever. Doesn’t matter. As I was saying – these stone tablets have written on them…
Random Doper:…you can tell a male bush by looking closely at its leaves…
Tansu: Of course it bloody matters! You’re just serving to prolong an age old fallacy of male supremacy. As a woman who has achieved a role of not inconsiderable power you of all people should appreciate the problems this kind of traditional sexism can cause.
Random Doper:…female bushes tend to have thicker stalks…
Angua: (Glares Random Doper into Silence. Sighs) Okay fine.
People of the Straight Dope! God has appeared to me as a burning bush and in a deep voice gave unto me these…
Steve Wright: There you go Tansu – deep voice – very manly that. Dead give away!
Garius (Sniggering) Not necessarily Tir’s got a pretty deep…
CRACK
……argh!
Tir: Next time I won’t just break it I’ll rip it off.
Angua: (at the top of her voice) RIGHT YOU LOT BLOODY WELL LISTEN UP I’VE A LIST HERE OF ELEVEN COMMANDMENTS AND WE’RE GOING TO TAKE THEM AND GO TO THE PROMISED LAND OF CANAAN. RIGHT NOW! NO ARGUMENTS!
Francesca: um…
Angua: WHAT?!
Francesca: Its just that eleven is a bit unbalanced. Ten would be a lot more…
Angua:(sighing) I can’t deal with this anymore. Fine. Pick a commandment to lose – why not. Go for it. Jesus H bloody Christ!
Kabbes: Who?
Dopers crowd round tablets
TwistofFate: Well we should probably keep that killing one.
Brainfizz: That one about “covetting thy neighbour’s ox” is pretty redundant.
Garius: (Under his breath) I don’t know…Tir…
SNAP
…ow…medic!
Tir: Keep it up nerd-boy. Still eight fingers left.
Anahita: (pointing at the tablet) That one! The one about the ducks quack. Its pointless and stupid.
Angua: (looking up hopefully) Yes? That it?! Can we go now?!
there is a general murmur of approval and nodding of heads. Angua happily starts leading the people north-eastwards
Curly Chick: (uncertainly) So Angua, how far to this “Canaan” place anyway? Sounds quite far…
Angua: (Confidently) Pfff! Ten minutes tops!
Fin.
I’m returning to this thread just to say what a shame it is that you’re holding the next Dopefest on Aug 23rd, the one date for sure I can’t attend because I’ll be lecturing in Canberra on that precise date. If you’d settled on the week before, I would have shifted my Oz trip back to ‘Aug 23 and the fortnight after…’, and if you’d settled on the week after, I would have brought my trip forward to be ‘the fortnight leading up to Aug 23’. Sob.
I do understand that the world doesn’t revolve around me (although the room seems to spin around me if I try to match Sir Doris pint for pint, which I happen to believe is technically impossible), and I sincerely hope y’all have an absolute sheet-ripper of a good time. But it’s just a shame, is all.
Anyway, since I won’t/can’t be there, may I formally request that a honourable tradition is maintained, viz. a photo be taken of a ‘Wish You Were Here Ianzin’ caption to be held by Tansu during a CleavageBeer™ demonstration. Thank you.
garius: :D:D:D:D:D:D
garius - my sides hurt so much from laughing.
Its either your post, or having gone to a spinning class this evening. I think its probably your post
That is very mean, come to think of it.
We could always wake you in early hours with a drunken phone call, asking you for the answer to a fiendishly difficult quiz question. Just to make you feel included, you understand.
or some kind of video conferencing link?
Easily done if people have got those new fangled mobile phones which let you send pictures and videos. But horribly expensive…
I second the idea of a drunken phonecall in the wee hours of the morning. Except of course, if we call him in the wee hours of the morning over here, it’ll be the middle of the day over in Oz, and that’s no fun at all.
Ah, yes. Bring a lap top and a web cam. Ianzin can direct the action from afar. For half and hour we do whatever he tells us. There’s money to be made
6.00 pm our time for the phone call. We’ll have warmed up by then, but I should still be capable of operating a phone.