As detailed elsewhere here on the forums, I have been doing a search for a house to move into. However the current geopolitical state of the country has me very reluctant to spend a big chunk of my nest egg if doing so will reduce my equity cushion if the economy really does go into the crapper in the next few years.
I found the perfect yard last week: being a nature nut it has this wonderful wrap-around yard w/ lawn with a small creek going thru the middle, chock full of frogs, old growth forest with lots of old trees and a wetland too (Nature Conservancy bouught up the large parcel to the immediate east too so I don’t need to worry about a huge subdivision being built there).
That’s the yard. The house tho was a different story. It had had several addons over the years, originally was a small cabin. When I walked in I was immediately hit by a huge blast of Lysol; they actually had open saucers full of the stuff lying around. Having a purchase that fell thru last year partly due to mold, my suspicions immediately flowered there.
The sellers were honest enough to provide an inspection for us (I am being helped by a in-law relation of my father who is still an active realtor, she married one of his cousins, the last person in the family here still alive from his generation, he would have turned 100 6 months from now, and her current domicile is actually right across the street from our old house, which if it ever went on the market I’d snap back up again in a picosecond), and it confirmed that they still found mold despite an alleged cleaning this spring, parts of the deck had settled (it’s on a hillside so I am concerned about erosion), the electrical system is a spaghettified mess with inadequate power (the “electrician” they allegedly hired didn’t bother to exhaustively list all the repairs he allegedly did, receipt says he is a handyman whose only google hits are lame facebook posts by alleged satisfied customers), and the septic tank needs to be replaced.
I had to tell her to call off any possible offers, but I doubt I’ll find a yard like that again, sigh. An article indicated that Ohio is the 2nd-worst state when it comes to lemon houses (yeah as in lemon Lysol LOL). These people just want to find the first sucker who unlike me won’t do their homework and will make their offer blind right off the bat and end up with a money pit.
Trying to get my father’s autopsy report has been far more difficult than it needed to be. It’s been nearly 4 months (vs. the 2 they told us to expect) but the medical examiner finally notified me it was ready. They listed three options - pick it up in person, pay to get it online, or have it mailed, and to respond with my choice. And of course they emailed this at 4:30 on Friday, so no one saw my immediate response that I wanted to get it online.
But they don’t give you instructions on how to pay and get it online. So I had to wait until today for them to finally email instructions and I have to respond again saying it’s been paid and if I want it mailed or available online (even though I already said I want it online!).
They just emailed back that it takes 2-3 days for my payment to process and they’ll email me instructions on how to access the report at that time. Waiting three days for my payment to process before they’ll release the report?! Who the hell needs three days to clear a credit card payment??
All of this could have been in one email and should have been done with one click to a website, not this asinine trail of crumbles.
Geez. You should have had him die in Florida. They emailed me my cousin’s autopsy report, for free, once it was ready, about three months after her death. Apparently it’s a quirk of Florida’s weird public access laws.
It is the policy of this state that all state, county, and municipal records are open for personal inspection and copying by any person. Providing access to public records is a duty of each agency.
It’s also the main reason why you see so many crazy Florida stories in the news. Not because people there are actually crazier (though maybe that’s a minor factor) but because everything is publicly available, and it’s a complete goldmine for anyone wanting eye-catching news stories about people doing insane shit.
I work for my state (Washington) and we have transparency laws too that we always have to remember, as anything not confidential is subject to public disclosure upon request, but it doesn’t hold a candle to what Florida does.
I’ll be sure to tell him to die somewhere much more convenient next time
But seriously, that sounds so much easier. And I don’t mind that the medical examiner charged a fee ($18, which I think is very reasonable), they’ve just made the whole process so much more difficult than it needed to be.
The other factor behind Florida Man & Woman’s prominence on the internet is that we have good weather 365 days a year, not just 30 or 40 like places up North.
Folks get up to a LOT more mischief when it’s not freezing or sleeting or foggy or drizzling or …
Wow, what part of Florida are you in? The last time I was in Florida, I spend a few days sheltering in place from a hurricane. I’ve also been in some real downpours aside from that. Amazing that there are places that get skipped by any of that.
Oh, it rains here. It was raining this evening as I drove to dinner where I’m typing right now while finishing my vino. It quit after about 30 minutes though. And was warm throughout. Yes, once every few years it gets really windy for 18-48 hours. Which can suck if it gets windy enough.
Contrast that with month after month of suicide-inducing cold or gloom or ever-dripping gray. Every. Single. Year. Without. Fail.
Folks there hide indoors rather than go outside and do the wonderful insane shit we do that attracts both policemen and web posts.
I’d add a Florida state icon, but there isn’t one.
I respectfully disagree with you, good friend. I speak as someone who’s watched hundreds of police bodycam videos where police pull over a driver and the conversation either starts or quickly devolves into some version of “you have no right …”. Or when police are trying to remove a loud shirtless man from a bar or restaurant.
Not all of these are Florida Men or Florida Women. Definitely not all. But guess where the majority of these incidents occur? And what state elevates raging political insanity to about the same level as Texas, if not higher?
Dave Barry, formerly a resident of saner areas but now a long-time resident of Miami, writes with a sort of perplexed dissonance about the fact that he loves the climate, hates the giant frogs in his front yard, and is utterly bemused by the fact that everyone there is insane, most notably many drivers and all politicians.
(By the way, I love every time I visit Florida. Even the hurricane wasn’t bad, because I’d been in 2 typhoons that were a lot worse as a teenager, and in Florida we sheltered in a hotel in Disney World. We had power and food and internet the whole time.)
Yeah well fuck him. Got the report. He was severely intoxicated when he fell.
Now I’m waiting for my step mom to call me back and I get to tell her he wasn’t sober like she so desperately wants to believe. She loved him and is convinced he finally stopped drinking for good this last time. She almost has a pathological need to believe he was a better person than he was - she won’t believe he was a shit, deadbeat father either.
Sorry for you having to deal with all of this. It’s heavy shit and handling your mom’s expectations and disappointment on top of everything else seems like a nightmare.
I had no idea this still works! Thanks for the inspiration.
I’m at a conference this week; during today’s break, I was checking my work email on my phone and reading through a report. One attendee (who I work with on occasion) saw me and compared me to a teenager doom scrolling. My dude, if my company would see fit to issue me a laptop, I wouldn’t have to stand around trying to read a PDF on my phone.
Oh I’m not concerned with him at all. I wouldn’t have even spoken to him in years if it weren’t for my step mom. She’s his third wife and came along long after my sister and I were adults, but I actually really like her - we visit and call because we wanted to see her really, not him. I hate to hurt her.
But they weren’t legally married, which meant I’m next of kin and had to handle everything from his cremation to this.
She took the news surprisingly well and ended up saying she wasn’t surprised he was drunk. I wonder if she’s found things in the house in the last several months that broke the illusion he was sober, but I won’t ask.
I tried to dissuade her from reading the actual autopsy, as the first two pages are rather graphic detailing all of his injuries (he feel about 15 feet onto concrete, so it wasn’t pretty) but she’s insisted. I’ll check in on her tonight to see how she’s doing.
My dude, if my company would see fit to issue me a laptop, I wouldn’t have to stand around trying to read a PDF on my phone.