Babies in Pumpkin Suits

“Hey, honey!”

“What?”

“Come see?”

"Dammit… (puts book down. Gets up. Wanders through house to library, where computer is. “All right, what is it?”

“Your sister sent is a picture of the new baby!”

“Oh? Cool! Where is it?”

“We have to click on the attachment.”

“Well, go for it.”

“There.”

“Oookay. There’s a picture of a baby in there, somewhere, right?”

“Yes, dippy one. It has to download.”

“It’s going to do it today, right?”

“Yes, silly.”

“It’s… downloading, now, right?”

“As fast as it can.”

“How big was the original picture?”

“Something like 1017 kibs.”

“Ah. You mean that that my not-too-swift sister and her husband have sent us a POSTER of our nephew.”

“Something like that.”

“What’s that?”

“I dunno. The bottom part of it hasn’t downloaded yet.”

“It’s green.”

“Yes, dear, I can see that.”

“And there’s orange stuff around it.”

“Well, those are certainly very Halloweeny colors.”

“I hope this doesn’t mean he’s ill.”

“Who?”

“Paden. Our nephew. The baby who is presumably in the picture somewhere.”

“Why would he be ill?”

“Well, if they sent us a picture of him, and he’s green and orange, it would certainly imply he’s unwell…”

“I think if he were that ill, they’d be doing something with him other than taking his picture.”

“Well, I dunno. If OUR child were turning green and orange, I’d certainly want a picture.”

“That’s because you’re an ass. Hey, I see a sliver of fleshtone!”

“Y’think that’s Paden?”

“It could be a while before we know. Is there coffee?”

“No. Want some?”

“Yeah, let’s.”

(Everyone leaves the computer, and coffee is made. In time, everyone returns)

“Hey, look! It’s Paden! It’s his eyes!”

“And that’s about all. Looks like they dressed him up like a pumpkin, and had his picture taken in a pumpkin patch.”

“Awwww… that’s cute.”

“Yeah. Got his mother’s eyes, that one.”

“I wonder if he’s smiling?”

“It would be cute if he was.”

“How long will it take to find out?”

“Well, luckily we’ve got a cable modem, so it shouldn’t be more than a half hour or so. Is there cake?”

“No. Want some?”

“Yes.”

(everyone leaves the computer. Cake is obtained.)

“Hey, look! He’s smiling!”

“He has teeth.”

“Well, yes. I understand that happens to babies, if you wait long enough. They sprout all kinds of stuff.”

“It would appear our earlier hypothesis was correct. Looks like they dressed him up like a pumpkin and had his picture taken.”

“Is, there, like some rule that says you have to have that done? I must have been sent, like, five pictures of various babies in pumpkin suits by now, by people we know.”

“Oh, you just don’t have any sentimentality in you.”

“Sure I do. But why a pumpkin? Why not one of those Anne Geddes flower outfits? Or Godzilla? Or even a Living Dead baby, or something? Just give him something red to chew on, and he’d even do his own makeup.”

“Jeez! You are SO gross! This is her first baby, you know. Do you blame her for being a little willing to, you know, be traditional?”

"I wouldn’t know. The first time I ever laid eyes on my first child, she put her book down, looked at me like I was a parking ticket and said, ‘Who the hell are you?’ "

“Oh, she did NOT.”

“Well, she was thinking it.”

“Mm-hm. And she changed her mind, soon enough.”

“Well, yeah. Particularly after I took her trick or treating.”

“Well, yeah. There was that.”

“Look, it’s almost finished downloading. He’s really a cute baby.”

“Aww…”

“Aww…”

Oddly enough, the Skeezling, at the ripe old age of almost three, had to deliberate long and hard between her two top choices for Hallowe’en costume.

Godzilla, or a fairy princess.

In the end, the fairy princess won out, but not by much. I think it was the idea that a Godzilla costume would not actually breath radioactive fire that tipped the scales.

Heh. Only one of my friends has reproduced so far, and do you want to guess what kind of picture she sent me?

Baby in a pumpkin suit??

Now you are making me hungry.

The idea of a three-year-old Godzilla actually strikes me as kind of cute.

Now that I think of it, a three-year-old dressed up as Cthulhu would be kind of cute, too, in a twisted, obscure kind of way.

Mainly, I was just thinking that I’ve seen a zillion pictures of babies in pumpkin costumes, and thought it was frankly a sort of irritating thing to do with a baby… dress him up in a suit he can’t possibly find comfortable, for a holiday he doesn’t understand or benefit from, just because Mom thinks it’s so cuuuuuuute?

And then, I saw a baby I was actually RELATED to in a pumpkin suit.

Awwwwwwwwwwwww…

i had a 2 year old trick or treater dressed as a cow. she must have been a cross dressing baby tho, no udder.

one of my coworkers brought in her baby, dressed as a lion, now that was cute!

Oh, well, yeah, babies in person are almost always cute, costume or no costume.

If you like babies.

…but when parents send out mass mailings of their new baby dressed in a Halloween costume… is it EVER anything except a pumpkin outfit?

You have a cable modem and it takes more than a few seconds to load a 1MB picture? Something is wrong with your setup.

Oh, and by the way, awwww…

I was kidding. My sister’s the only person in the world who sends me 1 MB pictures…

I’d like to go on record as saying that I never dressed my daughter as a pumpkin. Do I win brownie points for that?

Why, FairyChatMom, yes, you do. My mom never dressed me as a pumpkin either… and she made all my outfits. But there was this one year she decided to make me a pink bunny costume… ::rolls eyes::

This TOTALLY had me LMAO.

I am certain, FairyChatMom, that one day your offspring will thank you for it.

As to me? My intention wasn’t to mock. I was just kind of surprised, that’s all. For years, now, as wedding bells went and broke up that ol’ gang of mine, I’ve been getting photos in the mail and over the ISP of various new humans dressed as large orange vegetables, occasionally obviously against their will.

For some reason, none of my close friends ever did this. It was always some acquaintance, someone I barely remembered, but who was still on my Christmas card list or something.

I simply assumed this was some dippy thing that every new parent had to go and do, and didn’t think much about it.

And then, I got a pumpkin picture of someone I actually was RELATED to, as opposed to some rug monkey belonging to a former student or old college drinking buddy.

…and all of a sudden, I understood why it was supposed to be cute…

I made my husband a pink bunny costume one year. He wanted to be the Energizer Bunny. We made a big drum out of cardboard, bought some big pink glasses, and fashioned some drumsticks. He wore it to work - this was back when he was a junior engineer. He marched into the president’s office beating the drum, spun around, and marched out again.

Amazingly, he remained employed there for 5 years…

When I was a baby, my mom dressed both of us up in black pants and a red sweater. I was her ventriloquist’s dummy.

A friend of mine dressed up as Dr. Evil and dressed up his baby boy as Mini-Me; I found that very amusing.

I work in a resale shop that takes clothing in on consignment. As 'twas the season, we took some Halloween costumes in. Most of them were baby pumpkin suits. That must be the popular costume among the diapered set this year.

My aunt just had her first son…I think I win. I got not one, not two, but THREE different pumpkin pictures. Not even just poses…3 entirely different costumes. God help me…