Bachelor woes! Not for the faint of heart...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, I came home a few hours ago and pursued my normal evening routine (IE: I turned on the TV). Tonight Astrogirl is meeting some friends, so I’m on my own… The Simpsons comes on. Homer has a crayon lodged in his brain (oddly enough, I can relate!). A thought strikes me: ‘Hey! I’m hungry! What’s for dinner??’

Heaving my bloated carcass off the bed, I approach the meager cooking facilities in my tiny little Korean dorm room…

I open the cupboard: bullion cubes (chicken and beef), a box of pancake mix, some spices, a package of “chip-o” (um… dried fish, smashed flat… YEUCH! Shewhomustbeobeyed likes it, though…) and a lonely, cob-web-ridden can of tomato soup… [sup]‘Hey! Tomato soup and grilled cheese! It’s a classic, and I haven’t had it in forever!’[/sup]

I turn to the refrigerator: cheese (jalapeno jack and cheddar), several cans of beer, a big package of dwen-jang (uh, a kind of bean paste…), a few assorted hot peppers, a bottle of soju, maple syrup, some butter, and a single! slice of bread.[sup] ‘Damn! The grilled cheese is out. And I ain’t eating tomato soup without the grilled cheese!’[/sup]

In desperation, I look under the sink, in the hopes that there is something to cook lurking there: a single onion moldered aggressively…

That’s it! I’m tapped! I got nothing to cook, and I don’t feel like going out to the store. I briefly consider ordering a pizza… but I don’t feel like that either!

So I, Astroboy, a 35 year-old man, cooked and ate PANCAKES for dinner! Yes, I did. I chased it with beer.

I need to get married badly!

(Let’s be clear here: Astrogirl can’t cook, but I just KNOW that if we were married there’d be some damn food here that I could cook!!)

Oh, well… cheers everyone!

2

Was it eying you suspiciously, maliciously being onion-like? Ready to strike at any moment with its evil onion ways? I’ve long held that onions are agressive creatures - when they’re ripe they make you cry, but when they go mouldy they know they nolonger hold the power of tears over you. This makes them bitter and twisted. Never touch an old onion.

[sub]Somebody please shut me up[/sub]

3

Yeah, I take stock of the pantry every night. Hmmmm…

Ramen. Good, but a bit tiresome. A salmon fillet in the freezer. Nah, don’t want to defrost it. Loompia (Philippine eggrolls)? Out of soy sauce. Hey, there’s a tin of kippers. Better for breakfast (but I usually end up just having coffee for breakfast). SOS! Oops. No bread. Frozen pancakes and Canadian maple syrup? Hmmm…

I ended up getting a “The Monster” pizza from Mama’s. Pepperoni, sausage slices, meatball, tomato (must remember to have them hold the tomato next time) and lots of garlic. That was dinner Wednesday night. And since I woke up at 0300 yesterday, it was breakfast yesterday morning. And dinner last night.

I do know how to cook, and I think I’m quite good at it. It’s no fun cooking though, when there’s no one to cook for.

Hm. Here’s a recipe for chicken & andoille filé gumbo. I’ll have to give that a try soon.

4

As a matter of fact, it WAS! I closed the cupboard door quickly, before it could leap out and seize me by the throat…

It’s still there, however… waiting… watching… planning… shudder

5

Last night: A bottle of beer and a 1/3 bag of chocolate chips, the milk chocolate variety. I can’t stand semi-sweet. Then I took a nap, then I woke up and microwaved a veggie burger that I jazzed up with a hunk of cheese and some salsa. I was out of bread so I put it on a rye bagel, kinda tasty actually. Then I read the Straight Dope most of the rest of the night.

Tonight I’m having cereal. And being a friday, a beer.

No wonder no one will go out with me.

6

Dude, you wanna move in with me?

7

So, when you do have food, do you eat standing over the sink?

Incidentally, don’t count on the grocery fairy keeping your pantry stocked once you’re married… ain’t gonna happen…

:smiley:

8

Man, I know how you feel. Last night I was eating some left-over tortillini that I had made fresh on Wednesday, with store-bought sauce (Classico, it was pretty good actually.) This morning I had a heck of a time deciding between a fresh bagel with cream-cheese and some light, fluffy bread with honey, having downed a cup of lemon yogurt already and a glass of Ruby Red grapefruit juice. Then, as if that was enough drama, I had to decide what to make for lunch: smoked turkey, honey roasted turkey or Hickory smoked ham and again, on a bagel, bread or maybe wrapped in a tortilla…oh, yeah, and what cheese, spices or peppers did I want to put on it?

Decisions decisions…it’s hell, I tell you.

:smiley:

9

You mean, I was doing it wrong? No wonder we never got married. He didn’t like well-made food from a stocked pantry!

10

Are those the things that look sort of like a cross between an egg-roll and a taquito? If so: THOSE ROCK!!!

They are like … the best food EVER!

A friend of mine’s sister in law is Philippino and she would make those for all our get togethers out in Palmdale. She would pile a platter high with them and it would be like vultures descending when she’d walk outside with it. We’d be grabbing those suckers with two hands! I haven’t had one in years.

:: stomach growls in protest :: Hush, you… I’ll feed you soon!

11

I like lumpia too, but they’re deep-fried so you don’t want to have them too often.

Me? I watch television when I eat alone, so last night I turned on Friends (I hate the show, just for the record, but watch it to ogle Jennifer Aniston) and made myself a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich.

Ate the sandwich (with a tasty and refreshing Coca-Cola) and decided to chase it with a peanut-butter and banana sandwich.

Went to the kitchen, spread peanut butter on two slices, went to my bag of bananas…uh oh. They’ve turned black. Obviously I should have taken them out of the bag so I could watch them ripening.

so I threw them in the freezer (they’ll still be good for blending purposes) and went ahead and had a second PBJ, this time with a cold, tangy Diet Barq’s root beer: all the taste and zero calories of regular Barq’s root beer!

Sure, I can cook a little, but why bother when there’s bread and peanut butter in the house? The shortest path to sustenance is the best one, I always say.

The only real pathetic bachelor-y thing about this post is that we’re talking about a Thursday night, and as longtime Fiver watchers know, I have many friends who gather at Gravity Pub each Thursday…a five minute walk from my house! Yet I stayed home eating sandwiches and watching the cats ignore me.

12

Actually, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with pancakes, even for dinner. They’re tasty, they’re healthy for you unless you really load them up with butter and syrup, cheap, doesn’t mess up too many dishes, easy to make and sure fill you up. I’ve done that before. Good choice Astroyboy14!

And Fiver, don’t forget a little drizzle of honey on the bananas & pb, mmm mmm good!.

13

Parents went out last night, so my dinner consisted of a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, a glass of OJ, and a bag of Mini Muffins. Mmmmmmmmmmm…

14

You think that’s pathetic?? It’s FRIDAY night here in Seoul, and I’m alone, eating pancakes! PANCAKES! Do you understand the patheticness of that? PANCAKES!!!

Man, I need a life!

:smiley:

Thanks and all, tlmtlm59… but I still feel cheap!:frowning:

15

Wait a sec… You mean there’s another way to eat pancakes? Sacrilege!

My dinner last night? A couple hot dogs. You must understand, there’s eight in a package. I can’t let them go to waste, and I shouldn’t eat them all at once. They have the advantage of going from stored to dinner in two minutes flat. Put 'em on a paper towel in the microwave and there’s no dishes to wash. Therefore it’s hot dogs for dinner four nights this week.

You there, stop all that retching.

Next week I’ll make that frozen chicken and rice stuff…

(Don’t worry folks, I’m sure I get plenty of nutrients from all the ice cream…)

16

Astro, if it’ll make you feel any better, I love pancakes (and french toast and homemade waffles) for dinner (if I even eat it). Actually, I eat them often…and I’m married! The horror!

And think, cruel, man, just plain cruel. Shame on you for telling Astro about that tortellini, dripping with tomatoey chunks (making an assumption here), the pasta cooked al dente. Or that sandwich with the smokey sweet smell of the ham rising up as you open the package, placing a few slices just so on a chewy, fresh-bought bagel, maybe a little shaving of creamy white provolone on top.

Yes, shame on you! :wink:

Hey,Astro, hungry yet?

Hot dogs?! :runs to throw up:

Ick.

I sure hope you’re at least eating Breyers ice cream? God’s own creation. Especially their French Vanilla with all the specks of vanilla bean in it. Throw in a fresh, cut-up banana and top it off with Mrs. Richardson’s Carmel Fudge topping…heaven in a bowl!

Man, I made myself hungry!

17

When you actually have the ingredients with which to make pankakes, you living in the lap of luxury.
I would have killed for pankakes yesterday. I was eating my world famous dish of “It’s the day before payday and I have no money, so lets throw everything that doesn’t smell bad into a pan”. Yesterdays particular incarnation consisted of spaghetti noodles, chili beans, peperoni, garlic cloves, and steak, flavored with Chinese takeout mustard packets, Jalepeno salt, lemon juice and Habanero hot sauce.

Mmmmmmm, Pancakes.

18

Actually Mooney’s. Lately it’s been mint chocolate chip, but I also have straight chocolate–usually I make milkshakes out of that.

19

CLASSIC! Simply classic!

I once (minus the girlfriend) faced the same situation, which enlightened me to a new favorite recipe:
Trip’s Bachelor Suprise:
*Ingredients:
One crappy rainy tuesday
Two sickly friends who don’t want to go out.
One can Hormel Chili
Two slices of bread, slightly stale
3 12oz Cans Miller Lite
Tabasco to taste

Directions:*

  1. Come home from working all day and night.
  2. Check answering machine, hear two messages about two near-deathbed sick friends. They can’t go out tonight.
  3. Check refrigerator, find 3 beers.
  4. Open cupboards, find Turkey Chili w. Beans.
  5. Acquire last two slices of bread.
  6. Heat chili, tabasco to taste. Slightly toast bread.
  7. Serve hot, with cold beer.

This is now my personal favorite, and I go out of my way to have it once a week. Aaah, the memories.

With friends like us? Like hell you do . . .
Tripler
I buy 3 cans of chili a week. I love Bachelor Surprise.

20

You forgot to mention that the only proper way to eat Bachelor Surprise is directly out of the saucepan. In your underwear. While watching a sporting event on TV.