Back to School Blues: The September Mini-Rants thread

The BBQ Pit
41

Dammit boss – sign the damn invoice! If our satellite office gets kicked out into the street for non-payment of rent, you’re not the one who’ll get canned – I am. Even though I processed the paperwork a week ago (and can prove it). I even offered to re-route it to someone else to get them to sign it. It’ll cost me a case of popcorn, paid for out of my own pocket, but I’ll gladly do it if I can get the damn thing paid. But noooooo, it’s your direct report – you have to approve it. So do it already.

And while we’re at it, sign the expense reports you’ve had for two fucking weeks. Each one is under $800 for an entire month. One of them has all of TWO receipts on it! Even you can go over it with a fine toothed comb in about five minutes. So give the man his money!

Fucking idiot!

42

Where the hell are the thermometers? We have a nifty bin in the linen closet that is meant to hold such things as band-aids, aspirin, calamine, and thermometers. I know we had at least three thermometers, but they have disappeared.

So now I get to hie my sick ass to Walgreens to buy one. If I have a fever (and I’m pretty sure I do), I will be one of the chosen ones with H1N1. Go me.

Here’s a catch, though. The nurse at the dr’s office and I went through the checklist and the fever is the only thing ‘missing’ right now. If I do have H1N1, I have to call back in, but of course they do not want me to come in. My employer wants a letter stating I have been seen by my doctor. Erm. sigh

43

Dear sister-in-law - Please call us some time other than when you’re stinking drunk. Frankly, I can’t even recall the last time you called when you weren’t drunk - maybe when you were asking what to bring last Thanksgiving.

You slur your speech heavily to the point where we have trouble understanding your messages, and you’re always waaaaaay over-emotional. You’re either like “I love you soooo much” or sobbing over some perceived or real issue with your father. We know he’s a jerk. That’s why we haven’t spoken with him in months, and frankly, we couldn’t be happier.

That being said, the whole family knows of this estrangement, including you. So if he’s back to abusing your mother or something, we’d like to know. But as in the most recent drunk call, due to him yelling at you because you haven’t called him “enough,” sorry, but we’ve all dealt with that for decades. Berating whoever has called him the least - leading to a sick cycle of them calling more and more often so as to not be the least-calling and thus the “Bad Child” - is the most minor of his offenses, and we really don’t want to hear about that, especially since we’ve been blissfully free of it for so long.

You can be a sweet person, but we don’t like dealing with you when you’re drunk. So either you’re drunk a whole lot, or you don’t feel like reaching out to people (yes, we know you’ve been calling your other siblings drunk too) unless you’re drunk. Please, take care of yourself.

44

So i was in the kitchen getting a snack and i picked up a coupon for Little Debbie Cupcakes, but this is no common coupon from the newspaper; it has a holographic seal; just like one’s credit card.

I was first taken aback but … I’m so amused by the effort put into a mere coupon that i wonder: are counterfeit cupcake coupons a serious hardship to anyone? I found another coupon with a seal, for a McCafe coffee, and it just strikes me as weird.

Also i can’t help but think that Counterfeit Cupcake Coupons would be an excellent band name.

45

HOT DAMN!

I just this very minute received my first (obviously) Nigerian scam letter. It was from Miss Mary Kipkalya Kones.

Although I am sorry that, at 23-years-old and having “held” from Kenya (in West Africa, by the way), she lost her father, a former “road Minister” in the crash of a Cessna 210. There’s more, much more, that is meant to be compelling but my time is short, so I hit “delete.” She almost got my complete sympathies by saying

I mean, who wants to be responsible for someone being assassinated?

And, you know, had it been a Cessna 310 her father crashed in I might’ve helped her.

46

It’s time for my “free” mobile phone upgrade, so because I can’t afford to buy a new phone right now, I will probably accept the offer and so bind myself for two more years. So I’ve gone to Best Buy and one of the my provider’s retail outlets so I can, you know, actually look at and handle the mobiles I’m choosing from.

Would it kill these places to have the display merchandise actually working and connected to something, so you can try out the different functions?

47

Dear bitter old bitch:
Please retire or die.
Thanks.

I am tired of dreading work. I am tired of having her “hm” doubtfully at everything I say. I am tired of her petty passive-aggressive shit. I’m tired of her stretching her ears across the room to listen in on my conversations so she can pick me apart. I’m tired of her deciding everything is my fault and writing me up for things I wasn’t even involved in. It’s exhausting. I know I’m good at my job. Very good. I wish I knew why she hated me so much. I’ve tried confronting her and asking her what I’m doing to upset her so much but she says it’s nothing, she likes me fine, why would I accuse her of such a thing? She walks around all day looking frustrated and busy and yet does nothing at all except criticize others and stick her nose into other people’s work to seem helpful, which she’ll do about 10 minutes before the end of her shift so she can stay around a little and collect some overtime. And nobody does anything about it.

I think I need a new job. But I can’t do that yet, because of the nature of my work visa. Sigh.

48

Word. Best Buy sucks.

Ok, Birdman and I planned not to have kids until he is done with his BA. This spring his advisor calculated it out and let him know if he works his butt off he can graduate next spring. Woot! Somewhere in the back of my brain the biological clock switches from “Meh” to “BABY!!” and we decide that this fall we will start trying to get me knocked up. We figure the earliest we can get a baby in me and have it come out post-graduation is…right now.

So, last Thursday I stopped by my friendly neighborhood Planned Parenthood and got my beloved Mirena removed. On the way home I pick up my prenatal vitamins, What to Expect When You are Expecting, a mini-kit of Kama Sutra sex oils and flavored powder, etc. I’ve been researching diapers and knitting baby socks. I am 100% ready to get to the fucking.

Birdman caught a cold. He is miserable and stuffy and not in the mood. Awesome timing. :smack:

49

Even better were the ones I saw hanging from the back of a loud, annoying motorcycle I saw a few weeks ago. It was all I could do to not point and laugh.

50

I just called my PCP of 5 years for an appointment. My “new wonderful” insurance (as we were told by the bosses at work) covers one annual physical, other visits/tests/medication are out of pocket for the first $4000. So I figure, I’m due for an annual physical at the end of October, let’s discuss my symptoms there!

Ring ring, I call for a physical appointment. First available date is the end of March 2010. No joke. March! I didn’t expect to get an appontment right away, but I also didn’t expect six months! Tell me again about the waits for treatment in Canada and Sweden, why don’t you? I’m thinking that enrolling in nursing school at the local tech college might be faster.

51

Actually, being ‘assinated’ sounds even worse.

52

Verizon does. At least at all of the actual “verizon” retail stores I have been to lately.

However, there’s nothign wrong with simply contnuing to use your current handset until you can afford a new phone/swapping carriers.

53

What the fuck is so funny, cute or adorable about odd-colored animals? NOTHING, that’s what. Blue Moose is not a “fun” name for a business (I’ve seen three). Neither is Blue Kangaroo (which I saw today). Blue Bunny ice cream does not make me want to buy it or eat it: it makes me want to feed it to a dog. The Purple Raven makes me want to start detox. Knock it the fuck off!

54

We have a vending machine at work that stocks Blue Bunny ice cream. Every time I see it, I’m just grateful that it’s not Brown Bunny.

Especially the vanilla. :eek:

55

I’m actually starting to feel ill from hating my co-worker so much.

56

First of all, why can’t I find the fucking mini-rants thread when I want go mini-rant? I look and look and can’t find it so I change the forum settings to go back further and eventually find it near the top of the page, but it wasn’t there before! Most of the time I forget what I was going to rant about by the time I find it.

Secondly, how do all the assholes know when I end up working until 2 am, have had a hellacious night and not being able to sleep until after 4am so they make sure to call me and wake me up after only 5 hours of sleep. I go back to sleep for a while and then get up & check my voicemail and it was a fucking automated sales call on my cell phone! So I make some coffee and try to relax and the doorbell rings. I hate having strangers ring my doorbell especially when I am barely awake and in my jammies, dude wants to know if I want to sell my extra vehicle. No, if I wanted to sell it there would be a fucking “for sale” sign on it! Go away!

57

I’d realy like September to be over soon. I’m not sure what’s going on, but it seems like the universe is taking pride in pissing on my cheerios.

58

Dear News Reporters,

The fact that Chicago did not get the 2016 Olympics is not big enough news to break into regular programming nor should it take 10 minutes to explain if you do break in. It could be handled with a scroll at the bottom of the screen or it could wait until a news update.

59

Chicago didn’t get the Olympics?

This may be the break the McCain campaign has been waiting for!

60

You’ll have to excuse the obscenely long stream-of-consciousness rant, but…

There’s no one I can blame for this one but fate, but dammit, why did my son’s pre-school have to catch fire this week of all weeks? I wouldn’t be bitching if anyone were hurt (thankfully it happened at night when no one was there and the majority of the damage is due to water), but still… $300 extra in childcare this week, plus the added stress of finding said childcare in the first place at a time when work has just gotten exponentially busier and I have, oh, I give it 5 weeks at best before I go into a labor I’m very nervous about since my last one lasted 32 fucking hours and ended with a big, fat seizure (thank you, eclampsia).

And did I mention that just last week my husband was in the ER for heart palpitations? He’s fine, but needs to rest and sleep more, which means I’m taking on all of the childcare (earlier I was doing about 70% anyway), plus all the cooking and cleaning, which is slow-going because…oh, yeah. I’m 34 weeks pregnant. And my morning sickness came back, so I’m barfing intermittently throughout the day. And for God’s sake when the hell is my mother going to go away?!?

Mom, I love you very much, but I’m going ask you not to come until a few weeks after the arrival of our new baby. I know that you want to help, but we’d rather take a couple of our friends up on their offer. You’ll be offended and upset, but even though you’ve insisted you’re here to help right now, I’ve asked you for one favor the entire time you’ve been here (since Tuesday, when the fire happened). I didn’t ask you to watch your grandson once. After all, I don’t want to take advantage. I also knew you would refuse.

I did ask you if you wouldn’t mind taking your grandson to the babysitter’s, which is less than two miles away and about three-quarters of a mile away from where you would have been anyway. It’s on the way to Neiman Marcus, where you were going to spend the day shopping. But you said no – you “just didn’t feel comfortable doing that,” even though you’ve got a car seat. Unfortunately, that meant that I was more than two hours late for work, so I had to work at home until 12 a.m. – you know, after I finished making dinner, cleaning up, then put our son to bed while he was screaming bloody murder (schedule changes don’t sit well, so that took two hours) and while occasionally getting up to vomit. I asked for a grand total of ten minutes of your time when you insisted you were here to help and you couldn’t do it. I know you probably have preconceived ideas of what your role will be if you come for the three weeks you’d planned to after the baby is born, but I’m not sure I can entertain you, care of a newborn and reassure a toddler by myself, especially if I wind up in the hospital for another week. So I think it’s best that you stay home.

And while we’re at it, could you please turn off that damn TV? I know, I know - your shows are on. But having the TV on that long causes discipline problems in your grandson. I think you can do without for 30 minutes (or you can use the TV you bought for the guest room) so your grandson does something other than sit on the couch, hypnotized by the TV, after he’s already spent a day at the sitter’s, who doesn’t have the advantages of a nice, big yard like they have at pre-school where he can play. There’s a reason TVs are called idiot boxes.