Pssst… It’s Miz Beck.
Yeah. I’m female.
I have had a bit of paranoia.
The induced coma still shows up in my dreams.
Logically now, I realize it’s importance.
But, truly it was very scary. I’m told the drugs to keep you sedated or comatose really screw up your thinking.
I’m PTSD about a lot of things that have happened in my life. I had a bunch therapy thru my teen years.
I can usually talk myself down.
I have had a moment or three, still.
My panic wants me to run and get away from what has panicked me.
Not always possible.
If you’re not doing it, go to therapy. They can help you find tools that will help you in every day life.
Don’t be afraid to ask your loved ones for help.
Good luck to you,
B.
Yes! I’ll bring Twister and the Ouija board, plus some sugar free hot cocoa. You provide the flashlight to hold under our chins while we tell spooky stories. Oo, and a mirror for “Mary Worth.” (You say, “I believe in Mary Worth” 100 times while looking in the mirror in a dark room (except for a candle or flashlight), and she supposedly appears in the mirror.) Or we just paint our nails and talk about old boyfriends. You choose . 
oh so sorry for misgendering you do you prefer a certain set of pronouns. i hope you were not offended at being thought a man. font get me wrong i love men but that is rather an insult isnt it?
We have many things in common, i too suffered trauma as a child, medical related with a parent. i too have had many many years of intermittent therapy of one sort or another. sometimes i embraced it, sometimesbi fought it, sometimes i was resentful enough to stir up trouble with other indiviuals, both sides of the therapy. So many groups ive less to share than victorias secret and she doesnt have any secrets lol
i got my medical records and oh damn, they had all kinds of substances at play to keep me sedated. ketamine opiates, dalaudid, methadone, benzodiazapenes, fentanyl, babituates, hypnotic sedatived it ran the gamut. to say i was shocked doesnt even cover what i felt reading that.
it took WEEKS after they finally were able to wean me off everything to a semi conscious state. i was sorta awakebut really really loopy. i tried very hard to get my family and friends to spring me, convinced the medical people were plotting against me.
i was in the hospital from july 20 to October 15, discharged, then readmitted for 12 more days.
i felt weak but headed to healing when i finally got well enough to come home. physically that is. but in the days and months since a really ugly case of neurological defects reared its head. weird shyt like losing my way to places ive drequented for years, or getting there and becoming overwhemlmed and once i left a shopping cart full of groceries right next to where i parked, forgot all about em…extremely hard to make sense of stuff.
i have these flashback things, episodes where i feel like im in the dreamy, disjointed coma state fuzzy , awakeish but blursed. yes blursed. did you ever have that happe do you think it is possible yhat teaces of those substances might still be in me somehow?
ive been in therapy since 12/21 it helps me to not let the terror overwhelm me. i not the same as 8 was before the medical crisis. im no longer gonna spitnin the devil’s eye, i no longer have my former gifts. im just real fearful and will no hide from my fear, deny it, pretend. before i would always look right into things like that. i would harness that energy and use it in my passion, the art i once created, the songs i loved to write, the words that could have filled dozens of books. i havent been able to do any of that. now im a scurrying little mouse afraid of daylight. 8 feel like im losing my damn mind.edit: forgive my poor typing this tiny keyboard is very challenging. it tooke over an hour to type this in. thanks for your compassionate response its a rrelief to know im not the only one and maybe not crazy. thank you! peace!