Bad Idea Jeans -- Scout Merit Badges

In My Humble Opinion
21

And what will these badges look like? Hmmmmm?

Poke An Eye Out Award: eye with arrow in it. (extra arrows for repeats)

Break Your Neck Badge: a chicken with 90 degree neck. (Add feathers for multiples)

Litter Award, dirty ribbons worn like infantry braid and a copy of Arlo Guthrie’s…

Foul Language Badge: blue chicken head. (Howard Stern Award)

Broken Heart(theirs)Patch, worn on sleeve.

Snitch Decoration of Honor: a silver rat in profile. (Or a real dead-rat-on-a-rope around neck?)

Loud Radio on Bus Award for Valor in the Face of Adversity: boombox in circle with slash.

Gang-fighting Merit Badge, thick rusty chain worn like infantry braid.

In cookery, the Zenster Award for food too hot to eat. A patch of a tongue soaked in gasoline. <Just kidding, Pal>

Artistry in Graffiti: Mona Lisa portrait with large red X.

Knock-er-up Badge of Cunning: an egg crosssection (with padding so it bulges, more than 12 gets gold egg).

Drunk Driving Badge: wrinkled patch of car with passenger through windshield, etched in tin.

Postal Award for Justice: mailbox with bullet holes. (10+ victims earns gold mailbox)

Never-read-a-book Award, for steadfastness of standards, a chip of granite on shoulder. (And a scholarship)

“Catch a Skunk” Woodsperson’s Patch: <what else?> A stinking badge.

And, on a food-stained sash for displaying all of them: the Starting-a-thread-like-this Badge, a putz face in lime green…(yellow for participating).

Clever thread if I say so, Myself.

22

Myself has an excellent point - we oughta describe what these new badges look like. So, back to mine:

Underwater breath holding - a vertical string of bubbles

Intoxicated kayaking - an upside-down kayak

Unassisted Flying - profile of a boy on a cliff with a cape around his neck

Lion Taming - a blood-red badge with claw marks

Cub Bear Kidnapping - a boy with his arm around the neck of a cub.

Mushroom Collection and Cooking - a scarlet toadstool

Car Surfing - a car with a kid standing on top, in profile.

Sua

23

Well, if we must. I’m really only interested in the Roshambo, though.

  • Stool Pigeon (merit badge): guy being handed $20 and lollipop by copper

  • Fundamentals of Gravedigging: shovel and squirrel skull

  • Boogercraft: “The blob” with a small castle at the top

  • Junior Gambler: baseball card, marble, dagger and martini

  • Young Bartender Proficiency Badge: blender, tequila

  • Kama Sutra badge: woman and man in coitus, both doing headstands

  • Noogie, “Indian Burn” and Sleeper Hold expertise: passed out scout with bleeding wrist and bump on head

  • Junior Toxicology: mushroom, skull and crossbones, bottle of solvent

24

Gerbiling

How to Make a Snuff Film

Muff diving.

25

  • Afternoon with Joan Collins (scout and skeleton)

  • Sitting in the Campfire (flaming cub shorts)

  • Tandem Bareback Riding (flaming cub scouts)

  • Larva Preperation (bowl of maggots)

  • Pushing people off cliffs (Wile E. Coyote)

26

Creative Methamphetamine Cookery
Practical Lockpicking-- a lock and a wire
Check Kiting 101-- a check with wings
Everyday Manipulation
Tantric Sex
Dodging Work A memo with a red X over it
Snarling and Verbal Abuse–thought bubble with ##@! *&@5!!!
Bomb Manufacture --A beaker with iridescent fluid

27

Sorry for the slow reply to your question, Dr. P… I guess you could have two variations on the Roshambo badge depending on which discipline you follow.

If you do the traditional “rock-paper-scissors” Roshambo, I suppose it would look like a rock crushing a pair of scissors upon a field of paper.

If you follow the Roshambo described in the “Mecha-Streisand” episode of South Park (trading kicks in the nuts), it would probably look like a stick figure man with a pair of swollen testicles.