Bad Idea Jeans -- Scout Merit Badges

I was in the Cub Scouts for a couple of years and seem to recall that most of the merit badges were for pretty mundane stuff… collections, campfire skills, reading… They could really do a lot better. But they could also do a lot worse, and this might be far more amusing. Can you come up with bad ideas for merit bages? I’ll get the ball rolling here (before it comes to a mind-shattering stop twenty minutes from now):

  • Stool Pigeon (merit badge)

  • Fundamentals of Gravedigging

  • Boogercraft

  • Junior Gambler

  • Young Bartender Proficiency Badge

  • Kama Sutra badge

  • Noogie, “Indian Burn” and Sleeper Hold expertise

  • Junior Toxicology

–monkey spanking by flashlight

–nighttime hand in warm water bladder testing

–snipe hunting

–ballot punching (Florida specific)

Armpit Noises

E-mail bombing

Writing a Virus

“Outing” (in light of the recent controversy)

– Removing bloodstains from clothing

– Ninja assassin

– Sleeping

– Weaseling out of difficult assignments

– Not paying attention

– Fencing merchandise

– Wasting time

– Sitting on the bench while the talented kids play

– Smarting off to authority figures

– Sushi preparation

Underwater breath holding

Intoxicated kayaking

Unassisted Flying

Lion Taming

Cub Bear Kidnapping

Mushroom Collection and Cooking

Car Surfing

~Stealing

~Advanced Arsonry

~Witnessing

~Panty Raid Courage Badge

~Tattoo Design

~Conjuring Deamons

~Prostitution

~Governmental Overthrow

~Mud beating

  • Wilding

  • Russian Roulette (also known as the “Deer Hunter” badge)

  • 10, 50, and 500 visits to a brothel

  • disguising flaming poop on a neighbor’s porch

  • “Leathercraft 2K” (making bondage gear)

  • creative usage of laser-pointers

  • fun with diesel fuel and fertilizer

  • collecting neighborhood pets for medical research

  • Elvis impersonation

  • Judy Garland impersonation

  • and for the Eagle Scout upgrade to the lowly Boy Scout “gravedigging” merit badge: Necrophilia

Crossdressing

Roshambo mastery

Baseball bat fencing

Binging/purging

Grifting

Jaywalking

Ear collecting

Just curious, Guy Incognito. Wondering if you could shed some light on what the Roshambo badge looks like?

Bong construction

Smuggling techniques

I.D. forgery

Electronic surveillance

Extortion

  • Money Laundering

  • Scaring Documentary Filmmakers

  • Bestiality

  • Insurance Fraud

  • Trolling

  • Junior Inquisitor

  • Espionage

  • Grand Theft Auto

  • Cannibalism

  • Autoerotic Asphyxiation

  • Blindfolded Archery

You people CRACK me up!
Thanks all, I needed that!!

Mouse collecting

  • Homoerotic Masturbation (Individual)

  • Homoerotic Masturbation (Team)

Rattlesnake Baiting

Homicide badge

Underwater Synchronized Basket-Weaving

Chemical Warfare

Interrogation

Sado-Masochism badge

[li]Olympic Style Pornographic Filmmaking (The Alain Siritzky Award)[/li]
[li]Kamakazie Piloting (awarded posthumously)[/li]
[li]International Terrorism (The Oshama bin Laden badge)[/li]
[li]Freelance Abortionist[/li]
[li]Young Alcoholic profenciency badge[/li]
[li]Television Watching[/li]
[li]The Ruperd Murdoch Science Advisory Badge[/li]
[li]Panhandling (if it isn’t different from Grifting [see above])[/li]
[li]Tax Evasion (special award if you secure yourself a presidential pardon)[/li]
[li]Evil Clonemaking[/li]
[li]Flag Burning[/li]
[li]Cross Burning[/li]
[li]Nike shoemaking[/li]
[li]Snakehandling[/li]
Musical Theater

  • Bomb Making

  • Witch Hunting

  • Atom Splitting

  • Playing God

  • Rioting

  • Badge Forgery

  • Plagiarism

  • Organ Harvesting

  • Cult Formation

  • Making it Look like a Suicide

Lunch Money Extortion

Pimping

Facism (In some ways, the Scouts are already there)

Catball

Moonshining

Incest (merit badge for more than one family member)

  • Precision Projectile Vomiting

  • Synchronized Drowning

  • Percussive Flatulence

  • Amateur Taxidermy

  • Armenian History

  • Neo-Post-Modernism

  • Locksmithing