I wouldn’t call Bosom Buddies a bad show at all, as the two main stars were brilliant (Best Actor twice consecutively, anyone?) and the joke writing was first rate.
In one episode Tom Hanks was feeling sad and wanted Peter Scolari to cheer him up.
TH: “Help me out here. Come on, be a pepper.”
PS: “Oh, and wouldn’t you like me to be a pepper too!”
Jocularity, jocularity!
“Happy Days” only got me to really laugh twice. Once was when they brought in Robin Willuiams as Mork from Ork. I’d never heard of Williams before, and was looking at what I thought would be the tired old “man from outer space” show that would turn out to be a dream or something, only to be blown away by Williams’ performance.
The other time was when Richie loses the big basketball game. At the end he turns to his father, who offers him a Life Saver.
Many on this Board probably won’t recall, but this came out right after Life Savers had a commercial that was just like that, in which the Dad comforts his son who lost The Big Game with a Life Saver. Doing it on “Happy Days” was so unexpectedly edgy – it showed precisely how banal and inadequate the “drama” on that commercial was. A gift of a Life Saver just doesn’t cut it. It was hilarious and subversive – a commercial show biting the hand that fed it. HD was never that good again.
Classic! One of the best moments on the teevee, EVAR!
I also liked it when Ralph’s father, the optometrist, said “Sorry I’m late, but I fell into the lens grinder and almost made a spectacle of myself.”
I’m a sucker for bad puns.
I love that. And for a show that was supposed to be so lowbrow, that was my first exposure to those tunes from Carmen and Tales of Hoffman.
Married with Children:
Kelly: “I just got a job doing a commercial for a brewery!”
Bud: “Which brewery?”
Kelly: “Ice Hole.”
Bud: “Slut.”
I never really “got” why Friends became this huge cultural phenomenon in the mid-late 90s, because I could hardly ever watch an entire episode without getting bored and changing the channel. One of the few jokes that ever made me laugh hard came in an episode that took place in a hospital.
Jennifer Aniston’s character was trying to pick up a young Ob/Gyn, who tried to explain how his career was causing difficulties with personal relationships.
Doctor: “What do you do for a living?”
Rachel: “I’m a waitress.”
Doctor: “Have you ever had a day when you said, ‘If I see one more cup of coffee today…’?”
From Saved by the Bell. I don’t even remember the character’s name, but she was the straight A student, worried that she was going to blow a tough test.
“I’ve never gotten anything but 'A’s! Well, except for that time Mr. Jones had a nervous breakdown and gave everyone 'P’s and 'Q’s.”
This isn’t really a line, but a situation.
Benson was about a butler who became the assistant to a governor. In one episode the staff decided that the governor’s speeches were too dry. They decided he needed to punch them up with a little humor. So they hired a joke writer. The thing is, the joke writer was completely unfunny. Just horrible jokes.
The actor who played him was a young unknown named Jerry Seinfeld.
I’ve tried to avoid bad sitcoms. The only memories I have of *Gilligan’s Island * is that every show seemed to either star Don Rickles or the Harlem Globetrotters. I’ve never understood its place in American culture. I’m not trying to play the snob card, the show always struck me as stupid without the redeeming quality of thater of the absurd that good sitcoms can achieve, i.e. Taxi or Wings.
I did watch MASH for a while, until they added Major Winchester to replace Major Burns. I didn’t like Frank Burns but we weren’t supposed to, so that was fine. The show lost something when he left it. Befotre I quit watching there was a show when Hawkeye spent the entire show as a refugee among a truckload of of non-English speaking Koreans. One of them was a young, immensely pregnant woman. He told her:
“I’m a doctor. We know what causes this nowadays.”
That line still makes me laugh. The only time I ever tried it myself, I left out the-I’m-a-doctor part, the woman wasn’t amused and asked to explain what causes pregnancies. I told her that I wasn’t a doctor but read an article where they claimed to know what the cause of pregnancies was. The medicalese was too complicated for me. She continued unamused. i abandoned my nascent stand-up career on the spot.
So he was just playing himself, then? 
There was an episode of Benson where Benson, for some reason that I imagine was supposed to make sense, went undercover in the State Penitentiary. Three of the inmates eventually turned on him, leading to the following:
Benson: Doctor Death! Mad Dog! Axe Man! Be reasonable!..What the hell am I saying?!
Full House sucked but there was this one otherwise unfunny moment where the middle daughter tried moving the car and ended up backing into the living room. When the dust settled, she observed with growing concern:
“I’m in the house, but I’m still in the car.”
Cracked me up for some reason; the only time that show ever managed it.
From the short-lived show Sibs, with Margaret Colin and Dan Castellaneta (voice of Homer Simpson):
Dan had a crush on Margaret and finally got her to go out with him, along with a group of people (boss/co-workers, maybe?) whom he wanted to impress. But Margaret was, hm, rather rough around the edges, so he spent some time beforehand coaching her on how to speak and behave in a ladylike manner.
The group enters the restaurant and is led to a table. Before they are seated, Margaret says something like, “Excuse me, I’m going to visit the ladies’ room first.” Dan coughs hintingly, at which she says sarcastically, "Oh, I’m sorry, I mean I have to go powder my ass."
Still cracks me up.
There was an episode of Mr. Belvedere where the oldest son is looking for a roommate for his college apartment. A VERY hot blonde comes to see the place and likes it. She looks out the back patio and comments that the southern exposure would be great for nude sunbathing. She then asks if it would be okay if she invited her volleyball team over for slumber parties now and then. Being a young male, he’s quite happy about his prospective roommate. They then go into the kitchen to get pen and paper so he can write down her phone number. Upon entering, she says, “You’ve got one of those refrigerators with the freezer on the bottom.” He glances over at it and confirms, “Yep, that’s right.”
“I hate that.”, she replies. And storms out.
I nearly died laughing.
I still remember Potsie as the PA announcer while Richie was on the free-throw line:
<bounce>
“He bounces the ball once.”
<bounce>
“He bounces the ball twice.”
<bounce>
“He bounces the ball a THIRD time!!”
::Richie steps off the line and glares at him::
I was never a fan of Third Rock From the Sun, but there was a great moment (no, not the “Nightmare at 60,000 feet reference”, although that was great too):
John Lithgow was dressed up as a pirate, and another character said:
Other Character: “You’re a pirate? Where’s your Buccanears?”
Lithgow: “On my buckin’ head.”
There was a short lived sitcom in the mid '90’s called Boston Common starring Anthony Clark.
He used a line (sorry I can’t quote it) about elephants flying out of his ass. It was hilarious and the first time I had heard that off-color language on network TV.
I read this whole thread. I don’t pay much attention to sitcoms. Except for M.A.S.H. and that had more to do with those 2 pm reruns that CBS used to run concurrent with happy hour at the American Tap in the late 70’s…
My point (here it is!) is that I read this whole thread and can’t get past that the OP used “ibid” in a thread about sitcom funnys.
We’re all geeks. We’re way cool, but way cool geeks make no mistake.
The Golden Girls had a riff on that Lifesavers commercial, too. Sophia was comforting Dorothy after Dorothy got turned down by Jeopardy. They do the whole heartfelt mother-daughter thing, and Dorothy cheers up, and then as they’re leaving:
Sophia: Lifesaver?
Dorothy: Oh, go to hell, Ma.
The timing was perfect.
There’s one scene in Perfect Strangers in which Balki, as usual, butchers the English language and instead of saying “We’re up the river without a paddle” says “We’re up the liver without a poodle”.
Made me laugh when I was kid and still makes me laugh when I think of it now.
The entire “Just Shoot Me” episode with David Cross as the “retarded” brother of Eliot was a great moment in a terrible show.