Bakers Dozen

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

  1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
  2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
  3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
  4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
  5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
  6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

  1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
  2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
  3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
  4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
  5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
  6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
  7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

  1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
  2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
  3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
  4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
  5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
  6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
  7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”
  8. “I’ve argued in front of every judge in the state - often as a lawyer”

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

  1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
  2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
  3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
  4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
  5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
  6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
  7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”
  8. “I’ve argued in front of every judge in the state - often as a lawyer”
  9. “I’ll be defending you on the charge of…Murder One? Wow! Even if I lose, I’ll be famous!”

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

  1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
  2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
  3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
  4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
  5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
  6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
  7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”
  8. “I’ve argued in front of every judge in the state - often as a lawyer”
  9. “I’ll be defending you on the charge of…Murder One? Wow! Even if I lose, I’ll be famous!”
  10. "You’ve seen ‘Thelma and Louise,’ right?

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

  1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
  2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
  3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
  4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
  5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
  6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
  7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”
  8. “I’ve argued in front of every judge in the state - often as a lawyer”
  9. “I’ll be defending you on the charge of…Murder One? Wow! Even if I lose, I’ll be famous!”
  10. "You’ve seen ‘Thelma and Louise,’ right?
  11. “Th-th-th-th-that’s all, folks!”

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

  1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
  2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
  3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
  4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
  5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
  6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
  7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”
  8. “I’ve argued in front of every judge in the state - often as a lawyer”
  9. “I’ll be defending you on the charge of…Murder One? Wow! Even if I lose, I’ll be famous!”
  10. “You’ve seen ‘Thelma and Louise,’ right?”
  11. “Th-th-th-th-that’s all, folks!”
  12. “It’s noon already? I’ll be right there.”

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

  1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
  2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
  3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
  4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
  5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
  6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
  7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”
  8. “I’ve argued in front of every judge in the state - often as a lawyer”
  9. “I’ll be defending you on the charge of…Murder One? Wow! Even if I lose, I’ll be famous!”
  10. “You’ve seen ‘Thelma and Louise,’ right?”
  11. “Th-th-th-th-that’s all, folks!”
  12. “It’s noon already? I’ll be right there.”
  13. “Trials are made to be won!”

Tony Soprano’s lawyer, in the final episode.

Pass.

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

  1. “Oopsie!”

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

  1. “Oopsie!”
  2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

  1. “Oopsie!”
  2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
  3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

  1. “Oopsie!”
  2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
  3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
  4. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

  1. “Oopsie!”
  2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
  3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
  4. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
  5. “Hmm…never seen this before…”

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

  1. “Oopsie!”
  2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
  3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
  4. “Hmm…never seen this before…”
  5. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
  6. “Oh, THIS will get me published!”

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

  1. “Oopsie!”
  2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
  3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
  4. “Hmm…never seen this before…”
  5. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
  6. “Oh, THIS will get me published!”
  7. “Why don’t my rich patients ever get this?”

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

  1. “Oopsie!”
  2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
  3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
  4. “Hmm…never seen this before…”
  5. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
  6. “Oh, THIS will get me published!”
  7. “Why don’t my rich patients ever get this?”
  8. “I graduated in the top 2/3 of my class from second the best online medical school in Bolivia.”

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

  1. “Oopsie!”
  2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
  3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
  4. “Hmm…never seen this before…”
  5. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
  6. “Oh, THIS will get me published!”
  7. “Why don’t my rich patients ever get this?”
  8. “I graduated in the top 2/3 of my class from second the best online medical school in Bolivia.”
  9. “Just out of curiosity, you HAVE signed up to be an organ donor, right?”

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

  1. “Oopsie!”
  2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
  3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
  4. “Hmm…never seen this before…”
  5. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
  6. “Oh, THIS will get me published!”
  7. “Why don’t my rich patients ever get this?”
  8. “I graduated in the top 2/3 of my class from second the best online medical school in Bolivia.”
  9. “Just out of curiosity, you HAVE signed up to be an organ donor, right?”
  10. Oh, that’s interesting…

Apparently, neither has LittleNemo

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

  1. “Oopsie!”
  2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
  3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
  4. “Hmm…never seen this before…”
  5. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
  6. “Oh, THIS will get me published!”
  7. “Why don’t my rich patients ever get this?”
  8. “I graduated in the top 2/3 of my class from the second best online medical school in Bolivia.”
  9. “Just out of curiosity, you HAVE signed up to be an organ donor, right?”
  10. Oh, that’s interesting…
  11. “I’m sorry, what’d you say? I wasn’t listening, I’m going through a really messy divorce, IRS is auditing me, being sued for sexual harassment by one former nurse and for malpractice by a former patient, I am really wanting to drink again… oh well, enough of my problems, let’s cut you open.”