Bakers Dozen

[Prof.Pepperwinkle]

More “How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Connecticut WASPs “Two. One to pour the martinis and one to call the houseboy over.”
2. Surrealists: “Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.”
3. Amoebas: “One. No, two! No, four! No, eight! No…”
4. Border Collies: “One to change the light bulb, and then it will rewire the house to bring it up to the electrical code.”
5. Yogis: Two, and a bottle of lube.
6. Blondes: Zero: i.e. it is impossible for even an infinite number of blondes to figure out how to screw in a light bulb.
7. Art Directors: “Does it HAVE to be a light bulb?”
8. Televangelists: “None, they screw in hotel rooms.”
9. People with Parkinson’s Disease: “Just one. But it takes about twenty light bulbs.”
10. Episcopalians: “I’ll have you know my GRANDFATHER donated that light bulb!”
11. Dancers: …ah, 5, 6, 7, 8.
12. Zen masters: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.

[Elendil_s_Heir]

More “How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Connecticut WASPs “Two. One to pour the martinis and one to call the houseboy over.”
2. Surrealists: “Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.”
3. Amoebas: “One. No, two! No, four! No, eight! No…”
4. Border Collies: “One to change the light bulb, and then it will rewire the house to bring it up to the electrical code.”
5. Yogis: Two, and a bottle of lube.
6. Blondes: Zero: i.e. it is impossible for even an infinite number of blondes to figure out how to screw in a light bulb.
7. Art Directors: “Does it HAVE to be a light bulb?”
8. Televangelists: “None, they screw in hotel rooms.”
9. People with Parkinson’s Disease: “Just one. But it takes about twenty light bulbs.”
10. Episcopalians: “I’ll have you know my GRANDFATHER donated that light bulb!”
11. Dancers: …ah, 5, 6, 7, 8.
12. Zen masters: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
13. Klingons: Just one, to share the glory with no one else. “It is a good day to screw in a lightbulb!”

Next category:

Surprising revelations from the Clinton emails

1. Gushing about Martin O’Malley’s abs to Madeline Albright

[burpo_the_wonder_mutt]

Surprising revelations from the Clinton emails

1. Gushing about Martin O’Malley’s abs to Madeline Albright
2. The box containing Bill’s porno stash is labeled, “Girlies what ain’t got no clothes on.”

[Prof.Pepperwinkle]

Surprising revelations from the Clinton emails

1. Gushing about Martin O’Malley’s abs to Madeline Albright
2. The box containing Bill’s porno stash is labeled, “Girlies what ain’t got no clothes on.”
3. She misses Little Rock so very, very much.

[burpo_the_wonder_mutt]

Surprising revelations from the Clinton emails

1. Gushing about Martin O’Malley’s abs to Madeline Albright
2. The box containing Bill’s porno stash is labeled, “Girlies what ain’t got no clothes on.”
3. She misses Little Rock so very, very much.
4. To Michelle Obama: “Are we still on for D&D this week?”

[Some_Call_Me.Tim]

Surprising revelations from the Clinton emails

1. Gushing about Martin O’Malley’s abs to Madeline Albright
2. The box containing Bill’s porno stash is labeled, “Girlies what ain’t got no clothes on.”
3. She misses Little Rock so very, very much.
4. To Michelle Obama: “Are we still on for D&D this week?”
5. Gushing about Madeline Albright’s abs to Martin O’Malley

[Prof.Pepperwinkle]

Surprising revelations from the Clinton emails

1. Gushing about Martin O’Malley’s abs to Madeline Albright
2. The box containing Bill’s porno stash is labeled, “Girlies what ain’t got no clothes on.”
3. She misses Little Rock so very, very much.
4. To Michelle Obama: “Are we still on for D&D this week?”
5. Gushing about Madeline Albright’s abs to Martin O’Malley
6. Cryptic response to a schedule request from Gorbachev: “Same thing we do every day, Pinky.”

[burpo_the_wonder_mutt]

Surprising revelations from the Clinton emails

1. Gushing about Martin O’Malley’s abs to Madeline Albright
2. The box containing Bill’s porno stash is labeled, “Girlies what ain’t got no clothes on.”
3. She misses Little Rock so very, very much.
4. To Michelle Obama: “Are we still on for D&D this week?”
5. Gushing about Madeline Albright’s abs to Martin O’Malley
6. Cryptic response to a schedule request from Gorbachev: “Same thing we do every day, Pinky.”
7. Another to Mrs. Obama: “Could you bring the gin this time?”

[astorian]

Surprising revelations from the Clinton emails

1. Gushing about Martin O’Malley’s abs to Madeline Albright
2. The box containing Bill’s porno stash is labeled, “Girlies what ain’t got no clothes on.”
3. She misses Little Rock so very, very much.
4. To Michelle Obama: “Are we still on for D&D this week?”
5. Gushing about Madeline Albright’s abs to Martin O’Malley
6. Cryptic response to a schedule request from Gorbachev: “Same thing we do every day, Pinky.”
7. Another to Mrs. Obama: “Could you bring the gin this time?”
8. Bill used to call the Ayatollah Khomeini at 3 am and ask if his refrigerator was running.

[Little_Nemo]

Surprising revelations from the Clinton emails

1. Gushing about Martin O’Malley’s abs to Madeline Albright
2. The box containing Bill’s porno stash is labeled, “Girlies what ain’t got no clothes on.”
3. She misses Little Rock so very, very much.
4. To Michelle Obama: “Are we still on for D&D this week?”
5. Gushing about Madeline Albright’s abs to Martin O’Malley
6. Cryptic response to a schedule request from Gorbachev: “Same thing we do every day, Pinky.”
7. Another to Mrs. Obama: “Could you bring the gin this time?”
8. Bill used to call the Ayatollah Khomeini at 3 am and ask if his refrigerator was running.
9. All staff meetings had to be scheduled around her soaps.

[Elendil_s_Heir]

Surprising revelations from the Clinton emails

1. Gushing about Martin O’Malley’s abs to Madeline Albright
2. The box containing Bill’s porno stash is labeled, “Girlies what ain’t got no clothes on.”
3. She misses Little Rock so very, very much.
4. To Michelle Obama: “Are we still on for D&D this week?”
5. Gushing about Madeline Albright’s abs to Martin O’Malley
6. Cryptic response to a schedule request from Gorbachev: “Same thing we do every day, Pinky.”
7. Another to Mrs. Obama: “Could you bring the gin this time?”
8. Bill used to call the Ayatollah Khomeini at 3 am and ask if his refrigerator was running.
9. All staff meetings had to be scheduled around her soaps.
10. Challenged her staff to come up with 10 anagrams for the word “Benghazi”

[burpo_the_wonder_mutt]

Surprising revelations from the Clinton emails

1. Gushing about Martin O’Malley’s abs to Madeline Albright
2. The box containing Bill’s porno stash is labeled, “Girlies what ain’t got no clothes on.”
3. She misses Little Rock so very, very much.
4. To Michelle Obama: “Are we still on for D&D this week?”
5. Gushing about Madeline Albright’s abs to Martin O’Malley
6. Cryptic response to a schedule request from Gorbachev: “Same thing we do every day, Pinky.”
7. Another to Mrs. Obama: “Could you bring the gin this time?”
8. Bill used to call the Ayatollah Khomeini at 3 am and ask if his refrigerator was running.
9. All staff meetings had to be scheduled around her soaps.
10. Challenged her staff to come up with 10 anagrams for the word “Benghazi”
11. Hillary can only type 5 words per minute.

[Tangent]

Surprising revelations from the Clinton emails

1. Gushing about Martin O’Malley’s abs to Madeline Albright
2. The box containing Bill’s porno stash is labeled, “Girlies what ain’t got no clothes on.”
3. She misses Little Rock so very, very much.
4. To Michelle Obama: “Are we still on for D&D this week?”
5. Gushing about Madeline Albright’s abs to Martin O’Malley
6. Cryptic response to a schedule request from Gorbachev: “Same thing we do every day, Pinky.”
7. Another to Mrs. Obama: “Could you bring the gin this time?”
8. Bill used to call the Ayatollah Khomeini at 3 am and ask if his refrigerator was running.
9. All staff meetings had to be scheduled around her soaps.
10. Challenged her staff to come up with 10 anagrams for the word “Benghazi”
11. Hillary can only type 5 words per minute.
12. Signs her e-mails ‘H-Dawg.’

[burpo_the_wonder_mutt]

Surprising revelations from the Clinton emails

1. Gushing about Martin O’Malley’s abs to Madeline Albright
2. The box containing Bill’s porno stash is labeled, “Girlies what ain’t got no clothes on.”
3. She misses Little Rock so very, very much.
4. To Michelle Obama: “Are we still on for D&D this week?”
5. Gushing about Madeline Albright’s abs to Martin O’Malley
6. Cryptic response to a schedule request from Gorbachev: “Same thing we do every day, Pinky.”
7. Another to Mrs. Obama: “Could you bring the gin this time?”
8. Bill used to call the Ayatollah Khomeini at 3 am and ask if his refrigerator was running.
9. All staff meetings had to be scheduled around her soaps.
10. Challenged her staff to come up with 10 anagrams for the word “Benghazi”
11. Hillary can only type 5 words per minute.
12. Signs her e-mails ‘H-Dawg.’
13. Actually has a “Hillary” smilie.
    Next: (You will all hate this):

Off the top of your head, describe a “Lost in Space” episode [except the pilot]

1. Will finds a transporter machine that sends him to Earth. He brings back Carbon-Tetrachloride.

[Dendarii_Dame]

Next: (You will all hate this):

Off the top of your head, describe a “Lost in Space” episode [except the pilot]

1. Will finds a transporter machine that sends him to Earth. He brings back Carbon-Tetrachloride.
2. Penny is entered in some kind of beauty contest (I think) and has to repeat over and over again “The beets in Beta boil better on the burner.”

That goes through my head every time I cook beets.

[Nelson_Pike]

Next: (You will all hate this):

Off the top of your head, describe a “Lost in Space” episode [except the pilot]

1. Will finds a transporter machine that sends him to Earth. He brings back Carbon-Tetrachloride.
2. Penny is entered in some kind of beauty contest (I think) and has to repeat over and over again “The beets in Beta boil better on the burner.” That goes through my head every time I cook beets.
3. Yes, I do hate this. HAL catches Will boffing Penny, and in a fit of jealous rage casts Will into outer space and death, tragically just before Penny can apply the robot screwdriver lobotomization treatment.

[Prof.Pepperwinkle]

Off the top of your head, describe a “Lost in Space” episode [except the pilot]

1. Will finds a transporter machine that sends him to Earth. He brings back Carbon-Tetrachloride.
2. Penny is entered in some kind of beauty contest (I think) and has to repeat over and over again “The beets in Beta boil better on the burner.” That goes through my head every time I cook beets.
3. Yes, I do hate this. HAL catches Will boffing Penny, and in a fit of jealous rage casts Will into outer space and death, tragically just before Penny can apply the robot screwdriver lobotomization treatment.
4. The final episode where the all return safely, except it is revealed that Penny and Mrs. Robertson are both pregnant with Dr. Scott’s babies.

No, I never watched it either.

[anyrose]

Off the top of your head, describe a “Lost in Space” episode [except the pilot]

1. Will finds a transporter machine that sends him to Earth. He brings back Carbon-Tetrachloride.
2. Penny is entered in some kind of beauty contest (I think) and has to repeat over and over again “The beets in Beta boil better on the burner.” That goes through my head every time I cook beets.
3. Yes, I do hate this. HAL catches Will boffing Penny, and in a fit of jealous rage casts Will into outer space and death, tragically just before Penny can apply the robot screwdriver lobotomization treatment.
4. The final episode where the all return safely, except it is revealed that Penny and Mrs. Robertson are both pregnant with Dr. Scott’s babies.
5. Will and Penny stumble on four friendly aliens (two are blue and two are green) who, it turns out, are a rock and roll (bubblegum) group. The planet was supposed to be their concert venue, but something went wrong and the Robinsons have to fix it.

(I watched enough of it and plenty of mid 60s TV - if this wasn’t an episode, it should have been)

[Dendarii_Dame]

Off the top of your head, describe a “Lost in Space” episode [except the pilot]

1. Will finds a transporter machine that sends him to Earth. He brings back Carbon-Tetrachloride.
2. Penny is entered in some kind of beauty contest (I think) and has to repeat over and over again “The beets in Beta boil better on the burner.” That goes through my head every time I cook beets.
3. Yes, I do hate this. HAL catches Will boffing Penny, and in a fit of jealous rage casts Will into outer space and death, tragically just before Penny can apply the robot screwdriver lobotomization treatment.
4. The final episode where the all return safely, except it is revealed that Penny and Mrs. Robertson are both pregnant with Dr. Scott’s babies.
5. Will and Penny stumble on four friendly aliens (two are blue and two are green) who, it turns out, are a rock and roll (bubblegum) group. The planet was supposed to be their concert venue, but something went wrong and the Robinsons have to fix it.
6. Will’s dad meets his evil anti-matter double. This is the first time I ever heard of anti-matter, and was surprised to learn later that it’s actually a thing.

[burpo_the_wonder_mutt]

Off the top of your head, describe a “Lost in Space” episode [except the pilot]

1. Will finds a transporter machine that sends him to Earth. He brings back Carbon-Tetrachloride.
2. Penny is entered in some kind of beauty contest (I think) and has to repeat over and over again “The beets in Beta boil better on the burner.” That goes through my head every time I cook beets.
3. Yes, I do hate this. HAL catches Will boffing Penny, and in a fit of jealous rage casts Will into outer space and death, tragically just before Penny can apply the robot screwdriver lobotomization treatment.
4. The final episode where the all return safely, except it is revealed that Penny and Mrs. Robertson are both pregnant with Dr. Scott’s babies.
5. Will and Penny stumble on four friendly aliens (two are blue and two are green) who, it turns out, are a rock and roll (bubblegum) group. The planet was supposed to be their concert venue, but something went wrong and the Robinsons have to fix it.
6. Will’s dad meets his evil anti-matter double. This is the first time I ever heard of anti-matter, and was surprised to learn later that it’s actually a thing.
7. The Robot wanders into a strange area, falls over on his back and grows to gargantuan proportions. When Will and Dr. “Scott” find him, he bellows, “TO HELL WITH THIS, Will Robinson, those Thread Game Dopers can finish this thread any way they bloody well like; they’re lucky this wasn’t ‘Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea.’ I’m outta here!” And he makes his way back to Earth and is just big enough to fit in the rubber Godzilla suit for the Roland Emmerich film.