I would love to show you around, Osip, but I’m working both days and I don’t think you want to drive with me in the city. Besides, I’m only 20, and all the places where I’m tight with the bartender are gay clubs and bars.
Moving right along…
Definitely spend some time in the Charles Street area, by the monument (cross street is Eager). I would be hesistant to drive your first time in the city - just a note. The Mount Vernon Stable has excellent food (try The Don) and great drinks. If the bartender is Jane, she officially kicks ass and you should be nice to her and tip her liberally - she rocks. Also, GAMPY’s (Great American Melting Pot) is across from the Stable and has great food with a cool atmosphere.
The Walter’s Art Gallery is right there, too, next to the monument - hard to miss. Too bad it isn’t the first Thursday of the month or you could get in free and enjoy live music in the park. I prefer the BMA (take the 28th Street and Druid Hill Park exit off of 83), but the Walter’s is okay. If you like Picasso, Matisse, or modern art, definitely check out the BMA. They just redid the Cone collection and it’s incredible.
Paloma’s (on Eager and Cathedral) is a great club with lots of live music. Sunday is reggae night, my favorite, but they have a live band every night, I think. The atmosphere is very laid-back, hip, lots of incense, people smoking herb in the back next to the African drum circle.
If you like to read, see the Cathedral Street Library (actually the main branch of the Enoch Pratt Library System) on Cathedral and…I’m not sure the cross street, but I bet Dave knows. It’s awesome - check out the Poe Room and the third floor (you can’t get in the Mencken room - it only opens one day a year, but they have a huge racking of decent sale books). It’s truly a beautiful library. Across the street, check out the Basilica. It was my childhood church, and though I’m no longer religious, it’s a very beautiful, spiritual place.
In the Harbor, check out the Aquarium or the Science Center. The Science Center is only fun when you’re 10 though, so it might behoove you to buy tickets to the latest IMAX (I think it’s still the Titanic documentary) - pray to God it’s not the Live *NSYNC concert I’ve been told of. The Aquarium is definitely worth the $12 admission fee, though.
While you’re at IMAX, walk to the top of Federal Hill. It’s the big hill right behind and to the left of the Science Center. Another great view, and real live cannon, and some swings. It’s actually a really chill place to hang out at when you need a rest. (It’s on Key Highway).
If you like to shake shake shake your booty, check out the Have a Nice Day Cafe on Pratt and Marketplace. They have the Saturday Night Fever dance floor with the cool checkers that light up (just like the movie!)
You should pay $2.50 to ride to the top of the World Trade Center, too. It’s an incredible view.
After all that, head down to the Constitution/Harborplace section (if it’s a weekend night, there will be a cool band of some sort playing in the bowl) and check out the WaterWorks (fun to walk through once). Hop on Water Taxi (or Harbor Shuttle) and ride to Fells Point. Kooper’s Inn has the best food, or get some coffee from the Daily Grind. Walk two blocks left for the SoundGarden (awesome music store, low prices, smart staff). I recommend daytime or an evening night, or the crowds of 20-somethings will be out of hand. Other cool things: The Broadway Market, that huge thing that runs down the center of Broadway. The Karmic Connection is an awesome alternative smoke shop/vintage clothing store. Decent bars include Friend’s (Broadway and Aliceanna) and Kooper’s. Next to Friend’s, there’s a great smoothie shop called, I believe, the Good Earth, that has tasty deserts. If you’re a veggie, also check out The Mean Bean.
If it’s daytime, stroll three blocks right to the Thames Street Park. Awesome place to enjoy your Daily Grind java and read quietly. There might be some homeless drunks there, just ignore them and watch for dog poo. (Check out the Gazebo and the super cool chess tables). If you enter the park from Aliceanna and walk up on block via the park (I’m blanking on the name), then turn left, you will see some beautiful historic homes. Four blocks down from that is Fletcher’s a pretty cool live music/bar/dance club scene.
As for the beggers, give money to Esther and Tom (blind guy with dog.) If the dude with the Flying Nun puppet is there, he’ll make you laugh and you should give him some change.
Oriole Park is cool, but I hate live baseball, since you could grow old and die at one single game, so it’s up to you. If you happen to take MLKJr Blvd to 95, you can drive by both the Park AND PSINet, which is all the interest I have in either.
It’s also worthwhile to hike through the Street - a block of Baltimore Street dedicated solely to strip clubs and live sex shows. Just walk through and enjoy the scenery. A block down is the Holocaust Monument, which is really striking, and Uncle Lee’s Szechuan, which has the best Chinese food ever (and turns into the supercool China Club when the sun sets).
Also, the singlehandedly most awesome diner ever in the history of the world is right in Baltimore - at 28th Street and St Paul - just follow 28th Street all the way down. It’s called the Paper Moon Diner, open 24 hours, and it is definitely worth a trip. If dolls and mannequins scare you, though, you might not wanna go, or at least don’t use the upstairs bathroom.
Other points of interest:
Patterson Park - might just want to drive through, though.
Nacho Mama’s in Canton. Great fake Elvis paraphanalia collection.
Loch Raven Resevoir in Towson - great hiking trails. On the weekends, a portion of the road closes from 10 t0 5, so you can enjoy nature without getting lost and tick-ridden.
I’m warning you though, my friend from Oklahoma visited and I spent a 7 whole days showing her around - minus two day trips to DC and OC. There’s a lot to see here.
Just a little advice - stick close to the tourist scenes unless you have a local yokel with you. Baltimore isn’t dangerous unless you make a wrong left turn. Streets to avoid include North Avenue, Cold Spring Lane, and Fayette. Keep you chin up, your eyes open, and your doors locked, and you should be fine.
Have a nice trip! 