I’m quiet. Here’s how I look at it:
Quiet, laughs at funny stuff, goes along willingly with your suggestions, smiles, doesn’t care how long you stay out together, has the appearance of having a good time, makes shy eye-contact: good
Quiet, doesn’t laugh, shrugs or only says “Whatever” to your suggestions, doesn’t smile, constantly monitors the time, looks bored or underwhelmed, doesn’t make eye contact: bad
I wonder if saying ‘I’m not a chatty guy’ is the same as ‘I’m not high maintenance’. That ‘something’ in the 6 block walk is destined to be idle chatter.
I’ve gone days without saying anything… but I’m not in a relationship. Perhaps you’ll convince him that silence is golden, 'tray, or you’ll gain the ‘mm hmm’. If everything else is good, that should work out, shouldn’t it?
Not necessarily. Think about your day to day life. You’re walking down the street, you see something, it reminds you of something that you wanted to tell or ask someone, or you point it out to someone and it bridges into a whole other topic of meaningful conversation.
Life can go along much like a Seinfeld episode, but it can just as easily be something with much more significance.
Ask your partner what they do when no one is within conversational range and a couple of hours go by. Do they chatter to themselves? Sing? Turn on the television/radio? Pick up the phone and call someone? It could be that your partner was raised in a home where there was always incessant chatter from siblings, parents or other relatives and feels comfortable and secure when people are talking. Perhaps the only way they got noticed is when they talked (if it was a large enough family), so they would talk about anything to get the coveted attention from Mom and Dad.
You on the other hand may have had a home like I did, where I came home after school at 2:30 to an empty house until my Mom got home around 6:00. My stepfather worked swing shift so I usually didn’t see too much of him until the weekends. I had no brothers or sisters. My time at home was usually a whole lot of silence as Mom talked a lot on the phone or watched TV. My stepfather also liked to enforce those stupid “Speak only when spoken to” and “Children should be seen and not heard” doctrines. I am very comfortable with long stretches of silence now.
Your partner seems to have the outlook that thoughts should be expressed as soon as they are formed, whereas you like to form your thoughts/opinions, analyze them thoroughly, then stash them away until it comes up in a conversation. Both attitudes are quite valid IMHO.
My wife and I are somewhat like you and your partner (me=you and wife=your partner). She initiates most of the “idle chat” whereas I will usually only speak up if it involves practical matters.
I’m sure that if you two are as compatible as you say you are that this will work itself out eventually, much as most somewhat annoying things do between couples (toothpaste caps, toilet seats, etc.)
Keep in mind these are all just personal experiences and in no way reflect any hard evidence from psychological studies.
Utterly irrelevant to the OP, but I heard a story about two guys working in a sorting office or somewhere. They are about halfway through the new guy’s first shift and the perpetual silence is beginning to get to established employee. Suddenly the quiet guy is jolted out of whatever reverie he is in by his workmate shouting at him “Will you just shut the fuck up! I cannot get a word in edgewise!”
I’m afraid I didn’t hear what happened after that.
We - hubby (reading over my shoulder) and I - both believe that it is this chit chat that makes for an interesting relationship. We can both sit for hours, take walks or trips even without saying much - the occasional ‘wuv you’, but nowt more earth shattering. Hubby, is the admitted chatterer… or as he calls it vocal philosophy… uh huh… I am more the silent type. Does this indicate our relationship is headed for disaster? Nah. We are so atuned that we often will say the same thing at the same time, or at least be thinking similar thoughts. We can enjoy the silence.
Even though we do not mind the silences, we will often mumble or chit chat about things that are not profound. We find that often this chatter can spark a more in-depth conversation.
Just think though, if this is bugging your partner now, at the beginning of the relationship… imagine 50 years down the road, what will you both do then? Relationships often grow quieter as the years pass.
Hope things turn out well.