I couldn’t help but not get irritated when I overheard a few people trashing this guy because he doesn’t say much, at school today.
I have a great respect for people who don’t have the compulsive need to blabber all the time and I cannot relate to those who don’t appreciate their less talkative peers.
What makes people claim that less talkative people are stuck-up, insecure, or “weird”, when they have no proof?
IMO the fear of silent people is a sign of insecurity.
Quiet people are weird because most people aren’t quiet.
Plus, it usually turns out that it’s the quiet kid who’s responsible for slaughtering everybody–you know, your Norman Bates types.
i’ve always been the quiet type in class. when i have to do a group project i normally get, “you know, i thought you were a real bitch, but you’re actually really nice”. i’m actually a really outgoing person in almost all other situations. something about class makes me really quiet.
i think it might have something to do with my kindergarten teacher. i got in trouble for talking one day and the punishment was not being able to have tacos on the day we went over the letter t. after that i never talked again.
I don’t mind quiet people, but I have been around people who are so quiet that they are afraid to speak. Most of the extremely quiet people I have known have been very insecure in themselves…afraid to open their mouths and draw any attention. I’m not afraid of quiet people at all…but I think you have it backwards, IMHO a lot of very quiet people are slightly, if not fully, insecure…but most people open up when you get to know them and they feel a little more comfortable.
I get that all the time. More in the past than now. People tell me that they thought I was so stuck up and too good to talk to people. No, I just didn’t feel like talking.
My ex-gf used to wonder why I was so quiet in conversations sometimes. I said that sometimes I don’t have anything to add or I just enjoy listening and observing people. She thought it was extremely rude not to at least TRY to chime in with meaningless blather. Note the use of “ex-gf”.
Now, I sit on the Board of a charity. People always say I’m the quiet one on the Board. This is because I don’t want to drag meetings out longer by re-making points that have been made by others. This doesn’t seem to stop other people from babbling on about nothing, thinking out loud on everyone else’s time, talikng in circles, using 100 words to make a point that could be made in 10 words, or just yapping to hear themselves yap even when it’s obvious that everyone supports the goddamn motion. SHUT UP AND LET ME GO HOME!
I think people get nervous because they don’t know what you are thinking. Or, because they are afraid you are just not talking to them. That you don’t think they are worth talking to.
It kind of makes sense; people like to know where they stand. If you keep everything to yourself, no one is quite sure where they stand with you.
That being said, I never really learned how to make conversation, so I am generally limited to a smile and a hello.
I found this article about introverts a good read. The author draws a distinction between shyness and introversion which makes sense to me. While I have always made friends easily and had little trouble performing in front of others, I find the chattering of large groups exhausting.
He also points out that introverts make up “a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population.” Certainly true in my experience.
When picking a target for derision, it’s tempting to choose an easy mark. Quiet people are less likely to strike back verbally than are motormouths.
'Tis better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and have it confirmed (or something like that).
Once upon a time I was in counselling, largely for practice in getting on with people because I had been raised by hermits. At one point I had a dream. I was walking on campus and instead of talking, all of us sniffed each other and rubbed our shoulders together. When I woke up, I decided that I was telling myself that talking didn’t always have to MEAN something. Sometimes it was like dogs sniffing - a way to connect without relaying any more information than an general friendliness.
I’ve been a little more patient with chat since then, and gotten better at it. I think that some folks think that providing conversation for entertainment is a social duty and that a person’s social quality and/or mental quality can be judged by the quality of their conversation. No talking is then both being rude, putting more work on other people, who have to pick up your conversational slack, and perhaps showing signs of a mental deficit. You may have run into that.
Or you may have run into folks whose conversation just habitually runs to slamming other folks. Some do it to anyone who isn’t there. Others do it to everyone and enjoy swapping insults. Again, it can be like dogs sniffing. No real meaning intended, just a standard form of making noise.
…
That pretty much describes me.
Murcielago, I read that article a few weeks ago and promptly printed it out for all and sundry to peruse. It perfectly describes my SO (extrovert) and myself (introvert).
I have been called bitch, stuck-up and intimidating all because I do not choose to flap my jaws continuously. If I have something to say, I will say it. Otherwise, you will not hear a peep outta me. Well, that’s how it use to be. Now that I am older and have been forced to learn the fine art of inane chit chat, I can hold up my end of the conversation fairly well.
aw, shyguy…by the way I didn’t mean that I don’t like quiet people. I like all kinds of people, loud and quiet! I used to be really shy and quiet when I was younger (up until high school). I hardly ever talked. My teachers called my parents at home to ask if there was something wrong with me…somewhere along the line I got kinda loud…now I talk too much! I can’t help it, I get enthusiastic and excited about everything. I better shut up right now before I annoy someone!
I can be fairly quiet & used to be very much so when I was younger so I don’t tend to criticise people for it. That said, it does annoy me sometimes that in classes and seminars, there are always some very intelligent people who just refuse to ever speak. They clearly do have something to contribute but instead of doing so, they just let the stupid people run on endlessly…
When it comes to academic groups/classes, I think people have a responsibility towards the other people in the class to talk. Socially, they can do as they want.
But I always prefer the quiet people to the endlessly talking stupid people…
Because every time they catch a serial killer with a freezer full of…[Fox Mulder]snack food[/Fox Mulder], the nice little old lady next door always says:
“He was such a quiet boy”
The quiet guy…the loner…you’ve heard the stories. Nine times out of ten, that’s the guy who goes postal, shoots up the school, or stands on top of the belltower waving a rifle. This guy is being quiet because he doesn’t want to miss what the voices in his head are saying!
People who talk a lot eventually say something completely STUPID that everyone in the social circle can make fun of. Quiet people think before they speak, thus are less likely to say something stupid, and so the social circle has no ammunition to use against them to make them conform.
Yep, we’re evil all right
I made some friends a few weeks ago, and they said I didn’t talk enough, because I wasn’t giving them ammunition so they could tell jokes about me. One guy said that if I didn’t start talking, they’d have to make stuff up. My response: “Okay.”
Those of you who’ve exchanged email with me know my email address includes “quietguy”. That’s me.