I am a quiet person and I don’t talk much. I would like to think that my coworkers would simply accept this about me and thinking nothing more of it, but perhaps some of them think I might be a candidate for going postal on them, or that my general quietness causes some tension as they may not be sure what I am thinking about, if anything.
How do you view the people in your workplace, or wherever, who don’t talk much and pretty much keep to themselves? Do you fear that they may be disgruntled employees who are just holding it in, or biding their time until they show up one day with a gun in hand? Or do you just dismiss them as someone who isn’t very social and prefers to be left alone? Do such people’s presence make you feel tense or uneasy, or do you try to get them to come out of their shells and join in on the workplace banter?
While I no longer work in an office with other people, when I did, what I thought of quiet people depended largely upon body language and the type of quiet they exuded. For example, if someone appears quiet yet relaxed, I’ll just assume they’re a private person or someone who doesn’t have a whole lot to say and is just observing. Maybe they’re friendly, maybe they’re not, but either way, they probably won’t make me nervous. On the other hand, if someone is quiet yet shaking, rubbing his hands together and smiling an evil smile or something, I’m more likely to think he’s plotting to take over the world or worry that he/she hasn’t taken a happy tablet. Still, if someone is quiet and constantly appears angry or brooding, of course I’ll probably feel somewhat uncomfortable. It all depends upon the quality of the silence.
Still, I don’t like it when people feel the need to constantly fill any silence with mindless chatter. I’m all for light conversation, even a bit of gossip, but there are people out there who for some reason seem to feel the need to fill every second with noise. I like people I can hang out with and have a companionable silence. I hate it when people think that any sort of silence is uncomfortable and feel the need to yammer away mindlessly just to fill the void.
I am a generally quiet person who doesn’t usually speak to my coworkers unless spoken to or unless a topic comes up that is directly in my work area. Even though that’s my normal state, I guess I’ve been more quiet than usual lately since two of the top brass in the company sat me down last week to ask me what’s wrong. Then when I didn’t have a good answer (since I was completely shocked by their asking and didn’t know what to say), they started talking about being a team player and actively being part of the organization. Although I appreciate their concern, I’m now stressed about being more outgoing, which is not my normal nature (IRL; I can be very talkative online!).
So while I assume that quiet people are just quiet, make sure the higher-ups feel you’re being “part of the team” or you could end up having a little “chat” with them.
I am a quiet person myself. In my last job, I shared an office with 8 other people; sometimes we would all be on the phone at the same time, in 3 different languages; 5 of them belonged to that school of non-thought that says you should always yell while on the phone. No headphones were available. Two of them only shut up if they were drinking.
Unless they look depressed or dangerous, I prefer people who only talk when they have something to say.
I am quiet by nature. I generally won’t start a conversation with cow-orkers (when I had a job with cow-orkers, now I am a SAHM). I don’t do small talk because I am just not good at it. The perception?..I am a stuck up bitch. That’s what I hear. When my husband and I first started dating, he would get that comment all the time. Not those exact words, of course, unless that person wanted their teeth knocked in, but words to that effect. I was also perceived as some kind of genius. Why? Because I didn’t say much, so I must be thinking deep thoughts. Apparently, this indimidates people as well, so I came off as an intimidating, big brain bitch.
Ha! If they only knew
I have had the same experience in my life. I was a very quiet kid and still tend to keep my thoughts to myself while I’m in large groups. I never understood why people take offense to this. And I mean real “You stuck up bitch” followed by a punch in the eye offense (I was in grade school). For some reason people assume insult where insult doesn’t exist (flame wars anyone?). It’s as if I would be more acceptable to society if I was loud, obnoxious, and verbally insulting like they were. I just don’t get it. I can’t even fully put into words how disturbing I find this to be.
I think a lot of 'Dopers will relate to this topic. I get this comment all the time: “Wow, before I got to know you I thought you were really stuck up, but you’re nice!”
I don’t like to talk about stupid, petty, or small stuff, but when someone speaks to me, I will answer, always politely and usually warmly. I don’t initiate conversations very often, but that is because I don’t feel that I have a lot to say to most people.
It’s just a SMDB in joke. I can’t find the exact thread (damn two-letter words) there was one poster who kept typo-ing “Og” for “God” and it just caught on.
I usually assume that most people would rather just be let alone, like me. The things I like to talk about are really boring or obscure… I like to discuss quantum physics a lot, for example, and I have a few friends that get annoyed whenever I do (they think I’m being pompous)… so I don’t talk about it much anymore.
I’m just a very internal person, with my own little Walter Mitty-esque life going on behind my scratched-up glasses. Things that happen around me or that are said around me seem very abstract and distant.
Someone typoed “og” for “of;” someone else replied “OG SMASH!” Gradually Og evolved from a mythical caveman figure to patron deity of the boards.
As for me, I rarely say much when nobody I know is around and nobody’s actively trying to converse with me. However, I do respond to conversation.
(One fellow I find very offputting is this cute boy I know who apparently never says anything to anyone. All attempts at conversation are met with one-word answers. It’s not just me, as the other people he knows confirm that he’s very introverted. Well, so am I (though I hide it better these days), but I do speak when spoken to. It’s rather frustrating.)
Thanks to all above for the brief(?) hijack - I’m glad it overshadowed my attempt at black humor, which turned out to be a little too black and not very humorous.
Re Og, I think there actually was one, a king of Gilead who was supposedly tall enough to be mentioned in the Bible (so he’s not God, but perhaps a passing acquaintance).
I generally perceive them as not wanting to particpate with the group for whatever reason. It’s one thing to be quiet and reserved. It’s quite another to be completely unresponsive to attempts to socialize with someone. If I talk to someone and they are polite but unresponsive, I think “this person isn’t interested so I’ll go talk to someone else”.
It can be perceived as “stuck up” because you are giving off a “I’m not interested in you” vibe.
I’ve always thought of myself as shy and quiet, so deeply introverted that I will shatter into a million pieces if kept in the company of others for a long time.
But since I’ve been down here in Miami, that’s changed a little. I am introverted. When I go home, I don’t expect phone calls or later appointments to “hang out”. And I’m perfectly mute on weekends.
But when I’m at work? I’m a gasp to be around. I crack jokes and tease and tell crazy stories with the best of 'em. Most of the people in my workplace probably don’t see me as “quiet”. Maybe reserved sometimes, but not really quiet.
As far as how I perceive quiet people (the purpose of this thread), I think “quiet” is open to interpretation. Someone who’s cool and quiet is someone who will laugh during the “good times”, when a funny joke has been said and everyone’s laughing. Someone who won’t isolate themselves when the lab decides to go to lunch as a group. Someone who doesn’t look at you like you’re an idiot when you open your mouth. Someone who will acknowlegde your presence when he/she steps into the room. Someone who will reciprocate at least half-way in a conversation, especially one uninitiated by them. This is a “cool” quiet person.
And “uncool” quiet person is someone who’s silences are simply off-putting. Someone who makes you feel like an inconsiderate loudmouth, when you’re just asking “How you do?” Someone who doesn’t provide much of a conversation, work-related or not. Someone who doesn’t at least smile–even in a fake way–when someone has said or done something hilarious. Someone who never socializes with others, even if it’s simply eating “community” cookies during the break time.
Depending on how long I’ve been without “me” time and how interesting I deem my present company, I can be both an uncool or cool quiet person. And I’m sure someone has thought of me as “uncool” when I was actually at my coolest. So you can’t please everybody.
Still, if someone is quiet and constantly appears angry or brooding, of course I’ll probably feel somewhat uncomfortable. It all depends upon the quality of the silence.
