It’s a free for all. Nobody has any backup–the Justice League, Texas Rangers, CTU, and Hercules are all busy elsewhere.
Xena believes that the other three raped and murdered Gabrielle, so she’s full on righteous-anger-with-just-a-spoonful-of-evil Warrior Princess. She has her standard weapons, including the uber-chakrum from the last couple of seasons.
Bauer believes that, unless the other three die, millions of innocent people will.
He has his standard sidearm and, per usual, an infinite amount of ammo in hammerspace.
Batman is, of course, prepared. But only to fight other mortals. He’s prepared for the likes of Bane and Killer Croc, not Darkseid.
If you’re going to ask which Norris, we must then ask if whether it’s Pre-Crisis or Post-Crisis or Beyond or Adam-West or JLU, etc., Batman. That way lies madness. Each respondent must choose his own Batman and Norris. It’s kind of like the Matrix.
If Batman is prepared, it’s over. Not even Internet Chuck Norris can defeat him if he’s prepared. Darkseid couldn’t defeat him if he was prepared. It’s just a matter of how it works out. Here’s what I think happens:
Xena takes out Chuck Norris by saying, “You wouldn’t hurt a lady, would you?” and while he’s busy trying to reconcile his Southern gentility with his tough-guyness, she drop-kicks him into next Thursday. While Xena is busy with Chuck, Jack Bauer shoots her with a top-secret anaesthetic dart and ties her to a chair. He tries to torture Batman’s plans out of her, but she proves a tough nut to crack with her experience being crucified and all. And while Bauer is busy with Xena, Batman batarangs him and rescues Xena. Xena of course, takes advantage of her rescue to send her magic chakram at Batman, but of course he’s prepared and he has anti-chakram Batgas at hand, which he uses to dispose of the chakram, then secures Xena with a toss of his Batarang bolo, winning the tourney.
Bauer is a former junkie. You have to figure that Batman has some chemical powder stashed away in one of his pouches that simulates the effects of heroine and would leave Bauer curled up in a corner, swatting at imiginary spiders.
Bats has fought Karate Kid to a standstill several times. KK is like a flying Bruce Lee. I don’t think Bats would have any trouble with a grounded Norris.
I don’t know much about Xena. Assuming a Wonder Woman power level and no weaknesses (no Kryptonite, no fear of fire, etc.), he’s screwed unless can somehow talk Xena down. Even then, that’s a tie.
Well, Xena’s regularly defeated Ares, once took out Odin (though that was off-screen), and once gave Hercules a good tussle (though she did lose), so I’m in the Xena camp.
Xena has an edge in that she’s willing to kill while Batman is not.
Batman has an edge in that he’s proficient in ancient weapons and combat skills in addition to high-tech weapons.
Bats would probably start off with a gas grenade dropped in the midst of the others.
This would be after he hid in the shadows and let the others wear each other out.
Naturally he wouldn’t fall for the old “holding your breath and playing possum” gag.
He’d wait.
Against other humans, Batman will generally win in a toe-to-toe fight because he is the most flexible in the tactics, skills, and tools he uses. Now, I’m sure a sniper could easilly kill him if he wasn’t able to check the area for dangers before going in.
It’s kind of like the Matrix.