Battle of the Bad Moms

Cafe Society
1

As promised in this thead, here’s a debate on the relative competence of Fox cartoon women as wives and mothers. You can throw in characters who are only technically live-action, like Peg Bundy, if you wish.

I’ll start…

Marge Simpson
Pros: It’s clear the Simpson clan could not survive without her. Keeps clippings of her children’s hair in the fridge in the event of a bad haircut. Can feed a family of 5 (plus two pets) on about $10 a week. A babe when she feels like it. Loves Bart despite his clear criminal leanings and does all she can to bring him to the side of the angels.

Cons:
Clearly an enabler of Homer’s idiocy; when Homer managed to get that under control, deliberately sabotaged him because life had gotten boring. Gambling addiction. Once encouraged Lisa to date the school bully on the theory that good woman can fix any man. In latest episode, became so mad at Homer that she left all three kids, including Maggie, with him while she found herself, which has to count as attempted murder (or at least reckless endangerment).

Rebuttal:
Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are pretty resourceful and would know to make their way to Patty & Selma’s, or Ned’s, if they really had to.

Lois Griffin
Pros:
Definitely a babe, not that that has anything to do with anything. Loves Stewie despite the fact that he’s a gay James Bond supervillain in a toddler’s body. F*** with her kids and she’ll scratch your eyes out. Has managed to keep all the Griffins alive despite Peter’s presence.

Cons:
Has reached the point where she clearly and vocally hates Meg. Blind to Stewie’s multiple felonies. Of her three children, only one is likely related to her husband. Once encouraged young girls to become popular by being sexually available to rock stars. Enables Pete’s idiocy.

Rebuttal:
Did I mention the babe factor?

Francine Smith
Pros:
Also a babe, though not to the degree Lois is. Clearly and incontrovertibly loves her children, and also their alien houseguest. And…um…I got nothing.
Tolerates much less crap from her hubby than the other two and isn’t really an enabler.

Cons:
When her daughter’s boyfriend suddenly became the sort of aggressive He-Man they both preferred, speculated happily with daughter on what they’d do if he boyfriend ever hit her and suggested they just say daugher walked into a door.

Rebuttal:
Um…I got nothing.

next…?

2

'Well, I would go with Betty, but I’d be thinking about Wilma."

3

Another pro for Lois.

Her parents are uberrich.

4

It’s no contest.

Lois has done KISS.

5

And probably Daryl Hall as well. But does that make her the best or worst of the three?

6

Lois wins on ‘kink’ factor alone.

7

Mom - Futurama
She has the ability to slap all three of her kids at once. Now that’s unmothering.

8

What a sad sad thing to be thinking about.

She’d never leave Fred and you know it.

9

I’d rather have any of those than Peggy Hill. I can’t watch King of the Hill because of her (unless she’s being humiliated, of course).

10

Can we clear up a point in the rules?

Does Arrested Development count as a cartoon? How about 24?

11

Arrested Development? Certainly.

24? Well, okay, but only because i want to know where you’re going with it. Teri Bauer (who had to count as the all-time-best tv mom, having

submitted to a rape to save her idiot daughter from being violently forced into one

Or Jack’s female boss from the beginning of the last season, who

whose daughter committed suicide while she was busy fighting terrorists

or perhaps someone else?

12

This is completely off topic, of course, but…

Yay! I’ve mastered spoilers!!

13

All bad mom claims pale in the horrible, actinic A-Bomb test glare of Peg Bundy’s bad-mom-ness.