Thank you all, thank you thank you for the good wishes.
The question of this being a unilateral decision is quite valid. And I assure you, though it may sound like it is, such is not so. We are both driving this decision. We’ve had countless heart-to-heart talks on this issue. Guilty feelings, feeling like we are abandoning them, etc., are right up there.
I think my wonderful wifey said it best, though. At one point, she said, and I paraphrase here, “We are a family, too. This is a marriage and we are supposed to do what is best for this marriage, above all other relationships. If it comes to that, our marriage and lives together have to take priority.”
That may sound cold, and it is a difficult thing to actually put into action in some circumstances. But we are of a mind about this. Whether it helps or hurts your opinion of us, I do feel the need to explain that we are Christians and the overriding importance of the marriage bond is not just our personal belief but one that is interpreted by our church as also more important than parents or even children. Please don’t think I am proselytizing here, you can see from my prior posts that I do not do such.
And yes, the base problem is not the parents, it is her sisters and their stinking rotten attitude towards her and us and the situation itsellf. Believe me, we are in no sense abandoning the parents, they are there and can help…it’s just that while we are living in the same town, they do not step up to the plate, and I am convinced that as long as we are there, they never will. So, words failing to accomplish anything, action becomes the next alternative.
Yes, there is plane service to Kwaj. There are military flights a few times a week as well as commercial (Air Micronesia, a partner of Continental). The phone situation is far, far better than it was 20 years ago when we were there the first time. Now, you can pretty much get right through. Back then, you had to book a stateside call, and when one of the 3 available lines became available, the island operator would call you back and put your call thru.
I have had to put my personal pettiness and anger behind me and try to look at this objectively. I still don’t know if this is the right thing to do, but I do feel in my heart that it is. Am I certain? No. Am I a little bit afraid of such a radical move? YES.
We are still in the planning stage, but the bare bones plan is that I will go out there first. My wife will stay, probably for 6 months or so, and prepare everyone for her departure. It will not be a sudden leaving in the middle of the night, so to speak, leaving those left behind to pick up the pieces.
Listen, I am not coming from a “poor little me” standpoint. I am on the road all the time and do not have to deal with this. It is my wife that has got to have some relief. I would move to Timbuktu and live alone for the rest of my life if that would help her. I love her totally. I don’t really care about myself; I just want her to be happy, no matter what. I know this sounds so treacly sweet that you could get diabetes from reading it, but there you are. She is my whole life and the biggest unanswered question in my life is why on earth I ever scored such a fabulous, wonderful woman. I certainly married far, far better than I deserve.
Back in the bad old days when we were struggling just to survive, she never, not once complained. When our daughter was 5, I was back in school finally finishing my first degree, the only Christmas present we could afford was one of our niece’s cast-off bikes. I refurbished it, new handlebars, new fenders, stripped the frame down and repainted it. Sometimes during the process I would get so down and despairing, and she would come up and put her hand on my shoulder and tell me that this would be the best Christmas present ever because of the love and time I’d put in on it. When I got depressed because she was wearing her sister’s cast-offs, she repeatedly told me that this was not important, that we were working together to build a future and we were, by dang a team. She’s never complained and has always been behind be, supporting me 100%.
How can I do any less for her? I am hopelessly and forever in love with her, in like with her, and in debt to her. I would go to hell and back for this woman! I would crawl naked over 10 miles of broken glass, then 10 miles of salt and then swim a vinegar pool just to hear her pee into an empty tin can…over the phone!
So thank you again for the well wishes and support during this very difficult time. You don’t know how much your support is appreciated. No one is an island, after all and it means a great deal to both of us. I will continue, as before, to be here, they do have internet connectivity now on the island, so I’m afraid you will have to continue to put up with me.
You are all da best.