Esprix, can you get me a puppy?
“Organs gross me out. That’s organs, not orgasms.”
-the wallster
::quickly looks at her pants:: damn, you’re right. Ass looks great, color washes me out. Is there a pocket Esprix for sale?
“I go on guilt trips a couple of time a year. Mom books them for me.” A custom made Wally .sig!
My iguana's sick.
He's all floppy. Could he have
Reptile dysfunction?
-Chef Troy, Haiku Masterlaughing merrily
Esprix, you’re a riot. I’m VERY happy you’re here.
trisha
Esprix, can you please find me a man that can meet my own desires and expectations?
** Sigh. So many men, so few who can afford me ** Original by Wally
I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
Homepage: www.superlativeandsassy.com
Occupation: Temptress
Location: Ultra, California
Interests: surpluses, excesses, abundances, extras, lagniappes
profile by UncleBeer
Esprix, would you favour me by sitting down at the piano and belting out a few show tunes? My favourite is “Chicago”.
I saw a man dancing with his wife…
I want so badly to not take part in this thread… but there’s an overwhelming urge to make a request none the less. So… can you reassure me it’s ok to not take part in this one?
–I am Soren Kierkegaard.–
“People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.”
a.k.a. “St. I.M.: Patron Saint of Dopers with Usernames that Swimmy Doesn’t Even Try And Pronounce, Much Less Understand. (and maybe also the Patron Saint of Ice Cream.)” courtesy of patron saint-inizer Swimming Riddles
Esprix- I was just wondering if you would like to hold THIS for me?
::looks askance:: Sealemon, I’m beginning to wonder about you.
Esprix, could you please arrange for me a harem? They don’t all have to be tall, buxom blonds. Diversity is nice - brunettes and redheads are equally welcome. And I like a variety of heights.
Esprix, can I have your credit card number? Mom won’t let me use hers anymore, after I ordered $120 worth of MST3K episodes with it.
(Apologies if this double or triple posts; board went down just as I went to post it.)
Sheesh! You’d think Scotty would have an extra set of dilithium crystals in his toolbox. But noooooo…
- A Wally Sig
Sunday: Observed the Sabbath by not being an asshole. - From Drain Bead’s Schedule
Esprix, could you please do something about Dubya? Pleeeease? 
Christopher Robin Hood - he steals from the rich and gives to the Pooh.
Esprix, can you tell me what’s the meaning of life?
I have all the answers, it’s just that most of them aren’t right.
Esprix, will you…
LOVE ME!!!
Esprix, could you get me Gillian Anderson’s phone number?
Esprix Can you start a "…by Osip topic
LOL
Destroyer of grammar
matser or typos.
Typo artist fo the world Untie!
Esprix, would you do me a favor and juggle these live chickens? And while you’re doing that, could you maybe perform a tapdance? I’ll go put a Megadeth record on. And if it isn’t too much trouble, would you mind doing it wearing this iguana suit? I’m counting on you, Esprix!
Here lies Pierre de Fermat. Unfortunately, there is not enough room on this tombstone for a proper epitaph.
Esprix, would you provide me with an all-expenses-paid trip to the nearest bookstore?
Esprix, would you tell me why the Twins can sweep the Royals, take two out of three from both the Rangers and the Yankees, and then just plain suck against other teams?
Or, lacking that, could you tell me how to make a good omelette?
Esprix, would you welcome me to the SDMB?
Inconceivable? I don’t think that word means what you think it does.
Esprix, will you teach me how to turn a cartwheel?
mega the roo: I’m terribly sorry, but I really don’t think a puppy would be a good idea right now. If you can’t keep your room clean, how can I trust you to take care of a living, breathing thing? I’m sorry, my dear, but no.
SwimmingRiddles: I’m sorry, but there is no pocket Esprix for sale at this time. However, my people are working on it. Until then, however, I’m afraid the answer is no.
jazzmine: Well, thank you, but no… I mean… {SIGH} (You know, turning people down so much is making me depressed!)
ultress: I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to find you a man. Not only am I having trouble finding one myself (although Dr. Boyfriend is fitting the bill nicely at the moment), but there are others I owe this favor to before you. So, as much as I hate to say it… no.
Arnold Winkelried: I would really love to say yes to this one, but unfortunately, I don’t believe I can. Firstly, I do not play piano enough to accompany myself, and secondly, I do not know any songs from “Chicago.” Now, if you can get me an accompanist and the songbook from “Follies,” we can talk. Until then, however, I’ll have to graciously decline.
I.M.Kierkegaard: I’m sorry, but I can’t reassure you it’s ok to not take part in this thread, because, sadly, you already have. You really should work on that self-control issue. Sorry.
casdave: Alas, that looks way too big and unwieldy for me to handle in an OSHA-approved manner. Perhaps if you get me a forklift? Until then, I’m afraid I’ll have to pass.
Irishman: Although I appreciate your diversity in taste, I’m afraid the harem is going to have to wait, for you see, no matter how diverse I am, I have no taste in women, and certainly couldn’t put together a quality enough group for me to feel satisfied to give to you. So, alas, the answer is no.
SanibelMan: I’m sorry, but I really can’t give you my credit card number (or, rather, if I did, it would do you no good, as they’re all maxed out). I would, however, be willing to work something out to see those MST3K tapes. Otherwise, no.
Quadzilla: I am assuming you mean something drastic regarding Dubya, such as forcing him out of the race, but I’m afraid that is beyond my purview of power. I will, however, assure you that I will be voting for Al come November. If that’s not enough, I’m afraid I can’t help you.
MoosieGirl: Alas, I would tell you the meaning of life, but I would either get sued by Monty Python or smote by God above. So, for my own well-being, I’m going to have to refuse. Sorry.
Torgo: Although they pale in comparison, I could say that I have the ability to perhaps like you someday, or maybe even feel close to you at some later date, but, for the moment, I simply cannot make any guarantees about loving you. I’m terribly sorry to disappoint.
beakerxf: Unfortunately, I am not privy to such confidential information as some sexy redheaded “X-Files” stars’ home phone number, so I will not be able to oblige. However, if you get it by other means, find out if I can get some of her buddies’ numbers (Brad Pitt, for example).
Osip: Not knowing your unique and gifted talents, it would be wholly inappropriate for me to start a “… by Osip” thread here at the SDMB. Perhaps someone else who knows you better might be able to oblige you? But, as for me, I’m afraid I’ll have to say no.
neuro-trash grrrl: As much as I do love you, and as much as I would love to do as you ask, I’m afraid that juggling chickens and tap-dancing are not listed among my talents, Megadeath really isn’t my cup of tea, and iguana suits give me a very nasty rash. I realize you’re counting on me, but I simply can’t do it. I’m terribly, terribly sorry, but no.
Kat: Although the thought of going to a bookstore with you is always enticing, I’m afraid that I’m just flat broke right now, so going all-expenses-paid is simply out of the question for either of us. My sincerest apologies, but no.
Rysdad: Not being a sports aficionado nor a very good cook (particularly not eggs), your question about the Twins and the Royals and how to make an omelet are just beyond me. I’m very sorry, but I can’t help you.
as_u_wish: Sure. Welcome to the SDMB. 
Pixoid: I would gladly teach you how to turn a cartwheel, but I’m afraid my gymnastics license was revoked after that incident at the last Olympics involving me and the entire men’s team (who I wish a speedy recuperation). Sadly, I am therefore no longer qualified in this field. I’m terribly sorry.
{WHEW!}
I need to learn a few more interesting ways to put these. No, nein, nyet, non…
Esprix
Evidently, I rock.
Ask the Gay Guy!