Last night, I got some disturbing news. Hallgirl2, who will be 22 in February and who has moved to Minot to live with her boyfriend (he’s in the Air Force and is stationed there), and who has had an unsteady history with college (blew off her first semester, blew off her third semester and is passing this semester by the skin of her teeth) is pregnant. Oh, and she’s marrying BoyFriend.
For the past year, nearly EVERY single conversation I’ve had with her, she’s mentioned how/when/how much money she needs to leave BoyFriend. This time last year, she moved into her own apartment, but then moved back in with him when he had an accident on his quad and was in the hospital. They fight like cats and dogs. Actually, I think he’s a pretty decent guy, but Hallgirl2 is a complete b*tch. (She’s always been this way, so this is not something brand new.)
I’m all for making ones own decisions when one is an adult. Want to drop out of school? Go for it. Want to move across the country? Go for it. Want to get a crappy job paying $9 per hour that you hate every single minute while you’re there? Go for it. Want to marry your boyfriend whom you spend way too many conversations with other people discussing how you’re going to leave him because all you do is fight? Go for it.
But, I’m absolutely livid that she would consider bringing a child into this situation. I’m beyond livid.
This is a person who has been saying for the past 21 years how she doesn’t want to get married, she doesn’t want to have kids, because there is so much she does want to do–get her degree, travel, get a wonderful job. She’s full of contempt for those friends she does have who got pregnant and got married (or didn’t get married), and who gave up, or severely altered their dreams and goals. Now, she’s in a very similiar boat as the people she once held in contempt.
Hallgirl1 says, “We have to be supportive.” She’s afraid that if Hallgirl2 get too pissed at us, then we will never see the grandchild/niece/nephew. And, she’s right. Hallgirl2 hold grudges and hangs onto them for dear life, never hesitating in bringing them up years later. But, be “supportive”…I’m at a loss, a complete and utter loss with how to “be supportive”. What in the hell does that mean?
When she calls and says that she’s had yet ANOTHER fight with BoyFriend/soon to be husband…what’s the right thing to do here? I cannot support a marriage, support dragging an innocent child into the Hell Marriage (their relationships has been the Hell Relationship, so I’m assuming the marriage will be similiar, if not worse). I think of the poor child and I sob.
My eyes hurt from crying. My heart is breaking. And I am so disappointed and hurt and angry, I can’t do anything, let alone be “supportive”, even if I knew how.
Tell me, how can I be “supportive” without being a hypocrit and giving the impression that everything is simply lovely?
Where in the hell is the heartbreaking smilie when you need it?