Becuase I hate eggs.....

Cafe Society
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…and because I’ve stumbled across an egg thing I actually like, I shall inflict this recipe upon you. Also because I’ve had a few drinks and may not remember it the next time I’m hungry.

Before I continue, I need to make sure we’re all on the same page: I don’t like eggs. You might, and I am happy for you, but I don’t. In fact, my definition of eggs is as follows:

I’ve tried for a long time to like eggs (outside of those found in, say, chocolate chip cookies and cheesecake) and the concoction has always come up wanting. I’ve spent most of my life comparing the eggs I like with the eggs I don’t, and survey says that the only eggs I like are completely doctored. To wit: Sunny-side up -v- deviled. The former is utterly tasteless white chicken butt protein enlivened only by poking the utterly tasteless yellow chicken butt protein which oozes over the plate but can be salvaged with heavily buttered toast. The latter is boiled chicken butt protein in which the white has been been boiled to a semi-solid opaque consistency which is, in and of itself, tasteless, yet enlivened by the yellow chicken butt protein which has been mixed with good stuff like mustard and Miracle Whip/mayo and salt and pepper and paprika and…flavor! Yes, that’s it, flavor!

That’s the stuff that was forced on me as a child, but as I grew I learned.

I learned that omelettes could be the lightest and fluffiest on the planet, but they were still tasteless chicken butt protein masquerading as taco shell around the important part - the ham/bacon/sausage/peppers/onions/cheese/celery/whateverelsepeopleputinanomelette.

I learned that Eggs Benedict were the shizznit…as long as the first thing one did upon receiving the plate is poke the sunny-side-up chicken butt protein and mix it in well with the Hollandaise.

I learned that quiche was all chicken butt protein with a little bit of meat and cheese, but not enough to flavor.

I learned that ordering scrambled eggs with cheese meant that they’d grill up a pile of tasteless pale-yellow chicken butt protein and scatter a little cheese on top at the end so that I ended up with…crap.

So I learned to make what I call “scramlettes”. You take the good stuff like the cheese (pepper jack, please) and the ham and mix it in good with the eggs and S&P, and while the eggs are cooking in the pan you stir it up so that it’s like scrambled eggs with all the goodness of an omlette. I made those for a long time, and usually poured the result over toast spread with Miracle Whip. When I had a microwave I’d make them on a saucer - put the eggs in a cup and scramble them with S&P and cheese; butter the saucer; nuke 'em for a minute or two; slide them off on to MWed toast.

A couple of years ago I went to Spain and learned about the frittata. It’s like a cross between a quiche and an omelette: You take all the eggs, throw them in the pan over low heat, put the good stuff on top, cover, and cook until the eggs are done. You end up with a big glob of chicken butt protein with some good stuff on top.

Now that I have my own place with my own herbs I’ve been trying to make scramlettes with herbs. They taste great; they look like puke. Literally. Take a bunch of chopped fresh basil and thyme, stir it around a pan with eggs and cheese, and the resulting mess is…a mess.

Tonight, though, I hit the motherload. I took the concept of scramlettes - ham, pepperjack, basil, thyme, S&P, finely crushed red pepper, eggs - and stirred it all together. I cooked it over very low heat like a frittata. I ended up not only with a concoction that was good, and not only with something I didn’t need to pour over toast to make edible, but also something which means I’ll never again have to call eggs “chicken butt protein”.

Unless I eat at someone else’s house.

I have reached egg nirvana, and I thought I should share.

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Congratulations!! I mostly have my eggs more or less like that (though usually with salami, fried until just starting to crisp, and the cheese melted on top).

But those Bennies are heaven on earth!

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Have you ever had French Toast?

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Of course! I put French toast in the same category as pancakes, though. Yeah, there’s eggs, but the bread is what makes it, and it’s doctored up with butter and syrup or jam, and sometimes stuffed with a cream cheese/honey/walnut mix. All of which makes it not about the eggs.

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I’ve been making those since I was a kid. I can’t make an omelette to save my life, so I make eggs all scrambled up with whatever’s in the fridge.

I’ve also got to disagree… eggs aren’t ‘tasteless’. You may not like them, but I think they ‘taste’ fantastic.

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A vegan friend of mine says an egg is a “neatly encapsulated hen’s period”.

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:puke:

Man, I liked eggs.

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Whata ya think Hollandaise is? More yellow butt protein (well, fat actually).

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What are your thoughts on tofu? :dubious:

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I’m an egg-hating purist.

I won’t touch quiche, French toast, or creme brulee. I gag on the smell of eggs cooking. I peruse recipes and if it looks like there is an abundance of eggs that would come through in the taste, I pass it by. Commercials for Denny’s or Perkins breakfast specials with mounds of yellow scrambled eggs make me heave.

Once Ivylad dumped some left over sausage from his plate onto mine. One of the sausages had touched egg yolk. I could not touch it, much less eat the rest of my meal.

I honestly believe if I were starving to death, I would rather die than eat an egg.

You guys can have my share. Knock yourselves out.

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I don’t blame you, really.

The crap they sell at the supermarkets as “eggs” in America suck. You want eggs, get them from a farmer who raises free-range hens. The difference is incredible.
The yolk is orange (not pale yellow) and full of eggy goodness. The eggs taste like something.

If you think I’m full of it, try it once. Taste the eggs side by side. No comparison.

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You eat an awful lot of eggs for someone who hates eggs.

But what REALLY made me gag was this:

This proves to me that it’s your taste buds that are out of whack, and not the eggs. :shudder:

FWIW, I’m not overly fond of eggs either. But I make my own mayonnaise, different flavors, so I like me some egg salad sometimes.

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Used to like eggs. Had an especially large helping of an egg dish one day. Got car sick immediately after while we drove somewhere. Mind now associates anything eggish with that car ride and nausea.

If I can smell or taste the eggs, I usually won’t eat the offending dish. If I know the eggs are there, it is fine as long as I can’t detect them. I have had creme brulee, but didn’t know about the egg content. I guess I will be on my toes next time.

For the same reason (memories of past nausea), I cannot stand pork ribs and summer sausage.

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Huevos rancheros is the way to eat your hen-butt-fruit. Spicy.

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I was raised on a dairy farm. The neighbors had chickens. We swapped. I didn’t like eggs then, either.

Homebrew, tofu’s great! It tastes like whatever you cook it with.

lissener, I will put whatever I want onto my bread, thankyouverymuch.