Getting an abortion is hardly what I would call controlling feritlity.
There are two types of people who run around going, “I had an abortion and it was about as big of a deal as a pap smear.” Sociopaths and women in total denial of how it affected them.
I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and place you in the second category. You are trying really really hard to convince people it wasn’t a big deal, both here and in other threads, and I think you are really trying hard to convince yourself of that.
I feel badly for you. I don’t believe you when you suggest it was an easy decision and an easy procedure. That doesn’t jive. I don’t know what your circumstances were and are, but it is very clear this is something you still think about regularly and feel a need to defend, so much so that you bring it up when no one is talking about your choice. That’s really very sad.
I’m happy every day that I had my son. His birth has absolutely nothing to do with where we live. That has to do with a crappy lease and the failure for the Megan’s Law databases to be updated until this January. But that’ll be resolved fairly soon through moving. And every day that I wake up and watch him giggle in his crib mirror, or hold him when he sleeps, or feed him his sumshy squash, or watch my husband teach him about the different ways to pitch a baseball, I know I made the right decision for myself. And I’m proud of myself for my choice, I’m proud of my husband for the father he’s become, and I’m damn proud of my family.
Does my kid know he’s poor? No. He knows every time he’s hungry there is food, and every time he wants to play there are exciting toys, and every time he wants company and love he has a parent right there to give him undivided attention. That’s not a half-bad way to grow up.
Your choice was the best choice you could make at that time in your life, given your experiences, resources, and abilities. And I hope you can come to terms with that a bit better than you seem to be. I’m adamently pro-choice, and that includes ALL the choices.
Uh, child? What child? All I had done was have a tiny clump of cells removed. It was no different than getting a mole or a cyst removed. Why would there be any shame in disclosing that? The only thing I was ashamed of was being stupid and irresponsible enough to get pregnant in the first place - a mistake I have made sure not to repeat.
You know, it likely was an accident. Before you work on the compassion thing, you might want to try forgiving yourself. Especially since the whole beating-yourself-up and calling-yourself-names thing won’t actually prevent another occurence. Screws fall out, the world is an imperfect place.
That doesn’t jive? You don’t believe me? Well based on YOUR belief system and religious and moral views - whatever they might be, you may not be able to comprehend that my whole life hasn’t been ruined by a 15-minute medical procedure. I’ve had dental appointments that were much worse. And both situations - getting pregnant by being irresponsible, and getting cavities by not flossing and getting cleanings enough - were both my fault. So I did what had to be done to fix it. End of story.
It was an easy decision. As soon as the urine test at the doctor’s office came back positive, the next words out of my mouth were, “when can I schedule an abortion,” to which she replied, “the day after tomorrow,” to which I said, “great see you then.” The procedure was a bit uncomfortable, I had some spotting for a few days, but like I said, no different really that a pap smear.
Believe it, don’t believe it, I don’t really care. But I am telling you the truth when I say that I didn’t have some horrible tear-filled life-altering Lifetime channel drama, thinking, OH! It’s a baby! I can’t kill it! Oh, what if he were to become president? I’ll always feel regret over what could have been! Waaahhhh! It just wasn’t like that. It doesn’t mean I’m a bad person, it just means that I was a college student who fucked up, and got my head back on straight quick enough to make the responsible decision.
Don’t feel badly for me. Everything is going just right for me. I feel badly for you that you’re unhappy in your apartment and neighborhood, etc., and I hope things improve for you. Good luck.
Whoah, hey, news here. People are different. To some people, getting an abortion has the same emotional resonance as getting a pap smear, and the main thing they feel is release. To others, getting an abortion is like losing a child and causes deep scars and an unfixable sense of loss. I’d venture I’m in the former catagory, but any number of things might push me in to the latter. Frankly nobody ought to be making judgments about what they think anyone else ought to feel out of what is ultimately a very personal matter.
Oh fuck it, scratch what I just said. nyctea scandiaca is just an asshole- not worth even talking to or about.
I’ve got to admit than when she (and I’m not entirely convinced it is a she, and is probably not worth being refered to as such) made me laugh pretty hard when she said that the only bad things that were ever going to happen to her were going to be other people’s fault. It must be nice to be totally flawless, honey. I got a guy on the phone named Jesus who might want to meet you.
Or maybe she is on her death bed, and knows she does not have the strength to do a single unwise thing in her few waning hours…
What is it about “small scale personal tragedy” threads that bring out half the dope to jeer, anyway? Are you guys really that insecure?
WARNING- SDMB GLURGE One time, when I was deeply depressed many years ago, I made a pit thread. A few dopers sent me mail. I was too sad and scared to reply to them, but those letters sat in my otherwise empty inbox for a few months and it really helped to know that someone. somewhere, who didn’t even know me outside a few incosquencial great debates, cared even if there was no good reason to. I felt like they represented something that was truely purely good in the world. When i had little to smile about, I would smile at these “angels” that did something so small but so selfless.
A couple years after that, the depression only got worse. I was hitting rock bottom. I had spent weeks waking up crying and falling asleep crying. My face was abraded from sleeping (or laying catatonically) on a wet pillow for days on end. I reached out to the Straight Dope- the only human contact I could really stomach at that point- and hoped I’d find some helpful words, or someone to corrospond with, or really anything that reaffirmed that there was something better out there for me.
I’m sure you can guess how people responded. Thanks a lot guys. :rolleyes:
Let me tell you the story of a man. He grew up with a large family on a farm in the Philippines. The parents decided to move to the United States, so off they all went. The man eventually got a job with AT&T, climbing poles and installing phone lines. He made a decent living at this, enough to support a wife and son. When AT&T broke up and his local office turned into Pacific Bell, he didn’t like the new policies so he decided to strike out on his own. Around the same time he also got a divorce, and had custody of the son because the wife didn’t work and had no immediate prospects. For a time, the man and son lived with his parents, until his business began to take off. Once again, he made a decent living installing phone systems, although he worked longer hours and drove longer distances. Eventually the man and son moved in with another woman and her daughter, and a while after that the man and new woman were married.
Starting around the late 80s, the phone industry began modernizing, and businesses began switching to digital equipment. New equipment required new tools, and they were expensive. The man, and others like him, found that they could not afford these new tools, so they were slowly pushed out of the market in favor of larger contractors. This man survived for a while by becoming a subcontractor on large projects, leasing the new tools for the duration. But eventually even these jobs dwindled away. Even if they hadn’t, the man developed gout and could no longer haul around heavy equipment, or even walk very far on some days. By this time he had divorced his new wife, and the son had gone to live with his mother. The man had nowhere else to go, so he moved in with one of his brothers. He makes some money here and there by fixing people’s cars or doing some home improvement projects, but mostly he’s supported by his family.
He is now 56 years old. He is my father. Maybe there were some things he could have done differently, but life took a pretty big shit on him. He worked pretty goddamned hard, and now he’s kinda fucked. Some other people worked pretty goddamned hard, but they were luckier and they founded Microsoft, or Fed Ex. Maybe they never did a goddamn bit of work in their lives, and they became someone like Paris Hilton. Or maybe they never did a goddamn bit of work in their lives, and are now criminals or dead.
So yeah, luck isn’t the only thing that matters, but if you insist it doesn’t matter at all you’re just fucking stupid.
Come on now. I moved into a place more than two years ago that was pretty nice, especially considering college-student standards. My cheaper options would’ve been in the ghetto, but here was a nice, beautifully-maintained set of neighborhoods that didn’t cost too much to live in, and was close to school.
In the last year it’s gone downhill. The rent’s increased, but so has crime. Several people have been murdered. There’s been a police chase or two, several violent robberies and rapes, etc. Is it somehow my fault for moving in 2+ years ago? I’m trying to get out of this neighborhood and out of this town, but I don’t make tons of money. Still, if something bad happens to me because I live here, I guess it’s all my fault and I don’t have the right to bitch because I didn’t go get a crystal ball implanted in my head.
Respectfully and politely, I’ve decided to speak up here. Can’t you see, that you are doing to Inkleberry what those anti-abortionists have done to you? They wanted you to abide by what they saw as the “truth”, when you weren’t them. Here you are, expecting her, another human, who isn’t logical, isn’t perfect, to think and feel as you do, and choose the same “right” logical way you did. At the least, you expect her to “see your truth” and admit she chose incorrectly how to go about living her life. That’s not right. Everyone has rough spots in their lives to varying degrees, and what might be a disastrous choice for one, isn’t for another, it varies with individuals.
You chose what was right for you, good. That doesn’t make it right for her, and that’s ok. The world is better of in most cases because of diversity. It wasn’t nice at all, to say what you said to her, though you meant well in your mind. It wasn’t right for her to say what she did in response either, but you raised primitive emotions with your words too. No, violence isn’t the solution, nor is suggesting that someone’s beloved child ought never to have been born.
There’s an old saying that my parents used “Don’t poke a caged bear, you’ll lose an arm eventually.” This is what you did, metaphorically speaking. People are human, and sometimes they snarl when under stress, and usually that’s all it is, snarling to show they have a right to exist and be different, and let you know they don’t appreciate your verbal and emotional intrusion. You might be angry with me, and decide my words have no merit. Before you do that, consider that I feel speaking up to someone, and letting them know they might not be on the best footing is worth such risks. Please, can’t you just agree to disagree with her, and let her be? Maybe accept that your words were harsher, and struck nerves you didn’t intend, and maybe even apologize for that?
:rolleyes: Oh, please - the days of booting women out of school because they’re pregnant ended decades ago. And there are plenty of women with “awesome” careers who climbed the ladder while raising children. In many ways it’s harder than if they hadn’t had children, but far from impossible and most of them are happy to have made the sacrifices necessary for both kids and career.
If you’re over 30 your fertility is dropping daily - you may not have as much time as you think. If you wait too long, a lot of your nestegg may go towards enabling pregnancy. Or you may be childless.
Not that there’s anything wrong with the above - just don’t assume pregnancy is guaranteed when you’re finally ready for it.
And, as already pointed out - getting an abortion may have been the right decision for YOU, it may not be the right decision for someone else.
Yes, this is the Pit and people do vent here. Nothing wrong with that, I’ve had a few royal bitch-fests myself out here.
Maybe they would - if inkleberry had been in some terrible car accident that kept her out of work for a year and was still recovering they could have found themselves in equally dire financial straits and equally trapped in Hayward. I can think of even worse scenarios - one good house fire can render just about anyone homeless and destitute.
Ha-ha-ha - you think we control reproduction. If we did, there wouldn’t be birth control failures or women struggling to get pregnant who can’t. We have some control over reproduction, but it’s not perfect and accidents do happen. If they didn’t you wouldn’t have had a need for an abortion, would you?
Telling a woman she should have aborted her child is pretty much the same as saying she should have killed her baby - and you did that. So it’s YOU who suggested violence first. You’re a naive fool if you think you can threaten a woman’s child and not get at least a verbal backlash.
As well you should be. If you don’t mind terribly, give the little critter a hug from a semi-annonymous middle-aged fart on the internet…and tell him I said his parents love him a whole bunch – I have it from a good source. Wish I could do more.
I’m going to – mildly – disagree with you here. Love might not pay the bills, but I’ve met more than one “poor little rich boy.” In fact, I know one quite intimately and I also know for a fact he would have traded his silver spoon for the kind of diet you’re feeding junior. Odds are his life would have turned-out a lot better.
Hang in there. You’re already rich where it counts the most. But surely you knew this already.
Actually she said that if she came HERE to gripe about it, it would be someone elses fault. As in, she’s not going to come here crying to us about how her personal choices screwed up her life.
I don’t think the Dope would jeer at all if people owned up to their choices and admitted that they made a bad decision. Generally, the whiners just chalk it all up to “bad luck” or “the US sucks” or “rich people suck” or some other group rather than themselves.
inkeberry is going through a rough time. She’s got an advanced degree, her husband has a degree and works, so eventually things will turn around. She has chosen to forgo a good paying job so that she can be a SAHM, but leads her OP off with how she’s the “working poor”. If you choose to remove yourself from the workforce because it’s better for your family than working, you don’t get to call yourself poor and whine about it.
:eek: 