Anybody got really good ones? (Please don’t point and laugh at these):
Here are some of mine:
“Fuck it.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“Bite me. (not hard…nibble…it’s sexier)”
“I’m lying in bed eating chcolate and crying. But you’d ask: “How come you’re so thin Alex?” It’s simple, really. The crying burns off the calories. The lesson here? You should cry more if you’re fat.”
“Please excuse me while I do things.”
“Fighting with a grizzly bear. Be back soon. Grr.”
“Alex isn’t here right now. He’s upstairs licking the floor. Yummy.”
“I’ll be back. Remember, patience is a virtue. Don’t have it? Not to worry: you can always fall back on chastity. [Note: This away message was stolen.]”
Moderator’s Note: What constitutes the “best” AIM away message isn’t a factual question, but rather a matter of opinion. General Questions is for questions with factual answers; things like this belong in our IMHO forum. I’ll move it there for you now, but please try to start threads in the correct forums in the future.
(I work in a grocery store)
Workin’ 11-8, lunch around 2:30. And since you were so nice to IM me, I’ll slap a dumb customer just for you.
Workin’ 3:30-9:30. And since you were so nice to IM me, I shall invoke your unholy name while setting curses on dumb customers.
(Free Hefeweisen to who gets this reference:)
I am deep within the ritual known as the Cleansing. With the strong devotion of the Skullbat carrying warriors, we shall rise up, and defeat Gazuga and the world will be safe once again!
In the shower… I got this new “soap” stuff, and I wanna learn how to work it.
I used to have an away message that was a REALLY LONG ranting about nothing (subjects ranged from chocolate to underpants) and used LOTS of really long, intellectual-sounding words. This thing was like a full page of away message. It pissed off a lot of people whenever they’d send me a message and wind up with a gigantic block of text pasted in their IM window.
Unfortunately, it got deleted sometime back and I’ve been too lazy to duplicate it.
My most common away message is “Doot-doot dootle-ootle doot-doot doo-doo…” That’s the closest approximation I could reach to the familiar opening of Entry of the Gladiators, my trademark song (I’m often heard whistling or humming it, much to the annoyance of my comrades).
“Why must everyone be taller than my cubicle’s walls?”
“The key to slacking off in industry is viewing websites in html code.”
“Never take life carelessly. It cheapens you, diminishes you. Take life seriously, if taking life is your profession - Balyn Omavel, assasin”
“All things (e.g. a camel’s journey through
A needle’s eye) are possible, it’s true.
But picture how the camel feels, squeezed out
In one long bloody thread, from tail to snout.
– C.S. Lewis”
I also have the lyrics to the Captain Planet theme song…
While I’m away at college I usually have tons of away messages that quote my friends when they screw up what they were trying to say (it always comes out funny).
My little sister’s says something along the lines of:
I’m actually here, but I’m playing a computer game that allows me to shoot people and wreak havok, which (kinda) settles my desire to do that on a day to day basis. So far it’s working. Check back later.
I have “%N, I’m not in right now, but feel free to talk to this messge if it makes you feel any better.” You’d be surprised what I come back to.
I also have “%n, thank you for IM’ing me. Your IM is very important. Please stay on the line as the system traces your credit card number. This IM will cost US$2.99 per minute, rounded up to the nearest minute, minimum 5 minutes. Please hold.”
“I am playing a game that takes up the entire computer screen. I never play computer games. Therefore, I’m either lying to you or having sex while sitting on the computer monitor. Take your pick and leave a message.”
“I’m only pretending to be away so I don’t have to talk to you.”
“I’m in class right now. ::snickers. snorts. breaks into laughter.:: Yeah, my professor didn’t buy it either. I’ll be back as soon as I’m through burning my mid-term grades.”
All of those have shown up at one time or another as my away messages.
