“Christian Barnaard, I want my money back!” Richard the Lion Heart
It’s no use standing on the seat
The crabs in here can jump six feet,
And if you think that’s pretty high
Go next door, the buggers fly.
The first thing I thought of when I saw this thread title was:
Then I thought “Nah…No way am I gonna write that…” 
I saw it when I was 11 or 12, and it has stuck with me for some reason.
Another gem was about the same time:
I was standing at a urinal, in a bathroom that was being remodeled, so the inner wall was exposed. Above a large gap in the plaster was written “Please do not punch holes in the wall- Mgr”.
I laughed so hard, I pissed all over my pants, and I recall my mother being pretty “pissed” off. Strange the things you find humorous as a child.
Have seen a few that made me chuckle in my college days…Life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% mortality rate…Women are like dogshit, the older they are the easier it is to pick them up…I was born wet naked and hunry and it just went downhill from there.
I saw this one in the women’s restroom at the Milwaukee airport years ago:
Some women get all excited over nothing…and then they marry him.
Oh, man, great thread! I’m facinated by graffiti. I have a book on it from the 60’s also (probably the same one DMark mentioned). Sadly, right now it’s in a box somewhere.
On the ceiling of a bathroom in a bar in NYC:
“Confucius say He who stand on toilet high on pot”
At an Army base: “Dragged back to hell/ 4 days AWOL- what a trip!”
That one was just one out of probably a hundred, but the only one that stuck in my memory. The ladies room stall was literally covered with little notes from women about where they ran to, how long they’d been AWOL, and sometimes how they got caught. I guess that building was a stopping place for people in custody or something.
Once in high school I inadvertantly started something by writing “stay sane inside insanity” on the wall of a stall in the ladies’ room. By the next week half a dozen different kinds of handwriting followed mine- and I think we were on our third Rocky Horror song when it all got wiped out. But I guess two months isn’t a bad run, all things considered.
I can’t think of any memorable restroom graffiti off the top of my head, but I saw this fairly inexplicable line written in permanent marker on a restraining bar on Crabbe Mountain’s chairlift. “Lump sat in a buggy marsh, totally motionless except for her thoughts.”
I don’t have that many -
Beware of gay limbo dancers
right above the bottom of the door
Bad spellers of the world untie
"A peach is a peach
a plum is a plum
what good is a kiss
if you can’t use your tongue?
I think that’s it
yESTERDAY mAN, that’s a quote from a song called “Lump” by the Presidents of the USA. From around '92 or '93, I think.
On a condom vending machine
“Homes for retired semen.”
“Members of the Hanson’s Gate cult await the arrival of their alien ship behind the comet Mmmmm-Bopp.”
Georgetown University, Leavey Center
Told to me by a male friend (we girlies not being all that keen on football as a rule) - on a wall that already had a lot of remarks re. (relatively) current football scores…
Real Madrid: 2 - Surreal Madrid: FISH!
(Oh, some of you might have to reflect that you actually call the relevant silly game “soccer”.)
In one random university bathroom, there was no graffiti whatsoever, save dozens of titles and phrases with the word “grout” in them, written in the tile grout, all in the same handwriting. I only remember a few, like “Grout Caeser’s ghost!”, “The Grout Gatsby”, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t think of one that wasn’t already there.
I’m still puzzled by one I saw in 1984 in a San Francisco public restroom out at Ocean Beach.
In about foot high letters it said:
“China Slick Kantner sucks trichinosis from the Savior’s dick.”
18 years later & I still have a image of it in my brain. Still no clue as to what it was about, but holding on to that image qualifies as memorable I guess. 
I’ve got crabs, ain’t than neat;
Dragged my ass all over the seat;
No use standing, nothing to do;
Cuz by now you got em too.
Also saw it with AIDS instead of crabs.
The Deadwood Bar in Iowa City had great stuff
I read this a long time ago, but it really made me laugh the first time.
“I love Jerry”
different hand
“do you love Jerry’s kids too?”
Daniel said!
This one made me laugh out loud! I also saw this one many years ago, and I had to lean forward to read it. And damn if Mr. Protractor wasn’t right. I bet it’s been 20 years since I read that one and I’m laughing all over again.
I just remembered another one. Note taped to the ceiling above the standing urinals. “If you can read this, you are pissing on your shoes.”
My father told me this one:
“Here I sit in the stink and vapor.
Some son-of-a-b*tch has stolen all the paper.”
I have no idea what it means either, Fibonacci, but considering the locale I’d guess a) the author may have been equally as uninformed about the meaning and b) it was inspired by Jefferson Airplane.
In a restaurant men’s room in southern Oklahoma, sometime in the early 80’s:
“For blowjob, sing ‘When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again’ at the top of your lungs”
Needless to say, I didn’t try it.
You just THOUGHT you had sigs turned off!
*Please do not throw cigarette butts into the urinal - it makes them soggy and hard to light. *
Underneath in a different hand -
Please don’t throw matchsticks either - the crabs use them to pole vault.
Both from the bar Bob and Gene’s in Madison, WI.
Regards,
Shodan