Anybody know any good public toilet texts?
The kind that allways make a man miss what he is aiming for when he’s in there?
My favourite is:
Here I sit and hesitate
shall I sh*t or masturbate?
I am not sure what a pulic toilet is but my favourite little sets of words often written on bathroom walls involve debasing a local authority. One that I saw that was really funny was for a good time call “local newscaster’s name” and gave the local number to the TV station (they had a crime caller thing that he supposedly investigated).
I laughed for about three seconds.
HUGS!
Sqrl
LOL
Sqrl,
I should have said Public conveniences to the native British-Enlish speakers, Restrooms to the US-English speakers and toilets to the rest of us.
I stand corrected
And i really really think there should be a rule against making typos in your very first Thread title.
maybe ill ban myself for a day or two, just to make it clear 
I found these in this site and I thought they were pretty funny:
(Left Wall) For toilet tennis, look right. (Right Wall) For toilet tennis, look left.
Your child’s future is in your hands. (seen above a urinal)
Don’t read this you fool, Watch what you’re doing! - Gents Lavatory - London
I still smile sometimes when I see someone has scratched of the letters on the hand dryer to read:
- Push Butt (Push Button)
- Rub Hands under arm (Rub hands under warm air)
- Dry hands on pants (added on)
The women’s bathroom at the Kopper King tavern collected some good ones.
“Go for broke!! Marry a miner!!”
“There are males, and there are men. And so pitifully few of the latter!”
Tisiphone
LOL! I often take the invitation to toilet tennis at school (of course only on the toilet )
It is not what you are looking for, but the “wash your hands before you leave!” sign in some British toilets always makes me smile… :rolleyes: who is yuckie enough not to wash her/his hands wouldnt change his mind cause of that sign…
something that should be written on a toilet wall is a poem by a girl from the SAAN forum:
Sex is good
Sex is great
But until the right time
Masturbate
I ll have to add taht to the school toilet I think…
This one seems to be a standard in most men’s stalls…I’ve seen it in several…
Here I sit,
Broken-hearted.
Came to shit,
But only farted.
Still makes me giggle… 
Now that I’ve been trying to recall…in a local bar, Bernie’s Distillery, where a great many bands play, there are band stickers plastered all over the bathroom, with various insults to their lead singers/guitarists/bassists/drummers/horn players/keyboardists/triangle players scrawled beside them. Some of them are quite amusing. I’ll bring a steno pad to jot some down next time we have a gig there!
Man, these are great. I think there was another thread on restroom poetry a while ago, though.
The only submissions I have are:
Here I sit,
Ass a-flexin’,
Just gave birth
To another Texan
(I didn’t actually see it in a restroom, this is from the other SDMB thread. I still remember it.)
And one that I actually saw: I forgot where it was, but there was a sign that said “Please wash hands after using the toilet.” Somebody put black tape over the letters so that it said “Please wash hands ----- --in- the toilet.” I can just imagine.
Most of the stuff on restroom walls is useless venom. Once, though, I saw one that said, “King Norton is so nasty that he has to sneak up on his own dick to take a leak.”
I never worked for King Norton, but I never heard his name without some reference to a terminal digestive port.
Here I sit in my own vapor,
the last asshole used all the paper.
I’m late for class, I must not linger.
Look out ass, here comes my finger!
My favourites are always the ongoing dialogues, like this one:
“LICK MY CUNT”
“Lick your own cunt, you stupid bitch!”
“Can you lick your cunt? I wish I could”
“Maybe if you ask her really nicely”
“Only losers write on bathroom walls, you fucking dykes!”
…to which there really is no adequate response.
Others (solo entries):
“My man is so cool. He says I have the whitest teeth he’s ever come across.”
“Dyslexics Untie!!”
“Guilt without sex”
…And maybe we could assume that the fecally-focussed quatraines are all widely known or, at the very least, pointlessly repetitive, and omit them (please?).
A bar I went to in college had one of the biggest graffiti areas I’ve ever seen, just above the urinals. I would go in and not leave until I had found the following:
“The fat man walks alone,
he carries no umbrella.”
Regardless of how much beer I drank, I couldn’t quite get a handle on that one.
This is a teepee to go peepee,
not a wigwam to beat your tom-tom.
The one I see the most is:
Push Butt
Rub Hands (or dick) Under Arm Air
Stops Atomically
At least you didn’t mistype it "pubic.
O Cloacina, Goddess of this place
Look upon thy supplicants with smiling face
Grant that their offerings may flow
Neither rashly swift, nor insolently slow
Lifted from a novel by Stephen Fry (the Hippopotamus, I think)
J.