So what is the best profession to have when you’re in a bar trying to start a new relationship? (Those days are long gone for me, I’m a married man now, but I thought I would let others profit from my flash of brilliance :D).
It came to me the other day when reading the newspaper. This is the job that is guaranteed to make you irresistible to your targeted prey:
Governer of the state of Tabasco.
Justification (my discussion will be based upon the premise that you’re trying to impress a woman since that’s my sexual bias)
[ul]
[li]First of all, you’re a governor, which is a position of formidable political power, and as we know, power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. You are in a position to decide the fate of prisoners, have parking tickets fixed, help with building contracts, do favours for someone’s cousin, etc… What could be better? On the other hand, you’re not so important that you have to have 20 security guards following you everywhere, which would make quiet romantic week-ends in Acapulco problematic.[/li][li]You’re from a latin country, which adds an exotic touch (for those of you not from Mexico) and the latin lover has a great reputation. Tall dark and handsome, people eat that stuff up.[/li][li]Tabasco has many wonderful connotations: IMHO it’s a funny-sounding name, so by unconscious association it indicates to people you have a sense of humour, always a plus. Also it reminds people of breakfast time on a lazy week-end, for many people their favourite time of the day, and breakfast is also associated with many pleasant childhood memories, so all in all this creates a warm pleasant glow.[/li][/ul]
If I had been governor of Tabasco I would have had to beat women off with a stick! Maybe in my next life.
My buddy Wayne used to tell the ladies that he designed roller coasters. His theory was that it was such an unusual career that it would always spark some interesting conversations, but I always stuck with the truth…call me and old-fasioned-fuddy-duddy if you will, but that’s just how I am.
Think about it. The band is cool, it means you’re super rich, and there isn’t a single person on the planet who knows who this guy is. If the girl’s been to PF’s concerts, there’s a good chance they were literally 150 yards away from the stage and so completely trashed they wouldn’t know if a blue gnome with their aunt’s face was making all that noise up there.
Heck, the drum set completely surrounds the guy. So while they can’t tell exactly who he is, they’ll know that he’s both athletic and nimble with impecable timing and great manual dexterity.
For added realism, start making crap up. “You know our CD Animals? It’s timed perfectly to the third episode of teletubbies.”
and “Originally we were called Patrick O’Flannigan, after the main character in Ivanhoe.” Don’t worry about being called on this one. No one’s ever read Ivanhoe either.
The more of this I type, the more I convince myself it might actually work…
One of those guy magazines, I forget which one (Maxim, Stuff, FHM), has a regular article which gives you tips to fake a profession while picking up women at bars. Things like test pilot, or emergency room doctor. I suppose you could try that out.
It automatically conjured James Bondian images of running around exotic locations in a tux while saving the world from some maniac’s evil plan. In truth, it was a lot of going over phone transcripts and satellite pix trying to find any little bit of info that may be there. Very boring, but the general public doesn’t know this thanks to Ian Flemming.
Up until a while ago, you probably could’ve said you were the CEO of a e-commerce venture and had mild success. Now, though, they’d prob’ly shy away from you like you had scurvy.
I came up with an idea for a friend of mine. We had business cards printed up listing him as a producer for the Springer show. He’d hand these out like candy and people loved it. Everyone wants to know if the folks on the show are really that trashy, if it’s fake, etc. He got the fame of the show without the stupidity of the participants. I almost think I should have done it, but I never actually watched the show, so I don’t think I could’ve pulled it off.
High tech jobs don’t impress certain women (go figger ) so if the small talk has turned up some rude jabs at “nerds” I won’t admit my real job. I wing it with these.
I don’t work. I have a trust fund.
I’m a fashion photographer for ____ (any local paper). Said as I conspicuously consider her face, like a talent scout.
I’m a astronaut. (If she doesn’t laugh, she’s too dumb to waste buying a drink for.)
When I was in the service,the Fighter pilot schtick worked pretty well.I was only busted once. The “target” asked me where I was stationed,adding that her father was flight surgeon for the base and asked if I knew him. “BUSTED”
Thief. I’ve read several criminal autobiographies in which apparently the subjects found great success with women if they let on that they were thieves.
andygirl…you’re probably right! You’d have to listen to the “I’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body” line over & over again, though. :rolleyes:
I have had mostly “guy” jobs (OTR truckdriver, painting contractor, seabee) over the years, and this seems to fascinate men. Never had any problems meeting men in bars & so on, back in the day when I used to do that.
Or maybe it’s just 'cause I’m cute & have big boobs.
) so if the small talk has turned up some rude jabs at “nerds” I won’t admit my real job. I wing it with these.