Another from Arrested Development:
Lucille Bluthe is on the phone while Buster runs around behind her, waving a broom and chasing a bird around the living room, smashing things as he goes. Lucille says off-handedly, “Buster, just leave it alone, it’ll fly out on its own.”
Buster: “It walked across my pillow.”
The delivery of this line kills me every damned time I hear it. You can’t tell if he’s angry or sad or happy, all you know is that it makes perfect sense to Buster. Brilliant.
In Chuck, the character Casey is a big, tough gun-toting hardman.
He, Chuck and Sarah are trying to figure out how to open a peculiar puzzle case.
Chuck: ‘We need a high C!’
Casey: Aaaah! *[In a perfect high C]. *
Everyone stares at Casey.
Casey: I used to be a choirboy.
They all continue to stare.
Casey: I wasn’t hatched!
You need to watch it to understand why it really is funny, I reckon. In fact, I reckon you need to watch it anyway, because it’s bloody good.
I was just talking about this one with a friend of mine. In the old Popeye cartoons, he used to mumble actual stuff, some of it not for the kiddies.
I was too young to catch any of these myself, until one time when I was babysitting and it was on. Popeye had just promised to do something or other Olive was nagging him about. Then I distinctly heard him say, as an aside, “I don’t why I bother; ya got no boobs anyhow.”
And my favorite from Lucille Bluth: “I’m not going anywhere.” She says this upon entering the kitchen, interrupting a discussion GOB and Michael are having about getting rid of their boat, The Seaward.
From an episode of House, the three doctors walk in, and one of them declares (in reference to a patient):
“We’ve got rectal bleeding!”
And House’s off-the-cuff response:
“What, all of you?!”
Not the funniest line ever from the old Dick Van Dyke Show but one that stuck with me for some reason…
Sally is out for some reason, and Laura is helping Rob and Buddy out with the typing, filing, etc.
Buddy: So, you’re a world-famous scientist who wants to drill a hole to the center of the earth?
Rob (in character): That’s correct. I wish to explore the center of the earth.
Buddy: Why would anyone want to go to the center of the earth?
Laura (looks up from typing): To find out whether it’s chewy or cream-filled.
House - a patient, unbeknownst to the team, had swallowed a toothpick which was running amok through his innards, mysteriously poking holes in various organs, causing internal bleeding.
Foreman: (paraphrasing here) - I don’t get it. As soon as I fill up one hole, I see another hole that has to be filled…
House: Wait - are we talking about the patient or (boss) Cuddy? 
I was eating and nearly choked to death, laughing, when I heard that one!
I think we have had this discussion before…YOU INATIMATE OBJECT!
Also from “Catch Me If You Can”(I’m just paraphrasing cus I cant find the script)
Frank Jr (from a letter to Frank Sr.)
“Dear Dad…you always told me that an honest man has nothing to fear,so I am trying my best not to be afraid.”
and an exchange between Frank Jr. and his new wife
Frank Jr.-
“Brenda, I don’t wanna lie to you anymore.I’m not a doctor,I never went to medical school.I’m not a lawyer,or a Harvard graduate,or a Lutheran.Brenda,I ran away from home a year and a half ago when I was 16”
Brenda-
“Frank?..You’re not a Lutheran?”
When Ralphie figures out the Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder Ring message in A Christmas Story:
"‘Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.’
Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a BITCH."
It’s a pretty wholesome kids’ movie, so the profanity comes hilariously out of the blue and Peter Billingsly delievers it perfectly.
Roseanne: But mom, you’ll never find a buyer in this market.
Bev: Oh, it wasn’t hard.
And the camera focuses on Leon, eating that sandwich.
Ron Burgundy, Anchorman has little bon mots:
He’s trapped in a glass block of emotion!
Come esta, bitches!
Ron Burgundy: [singing drunk] … Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon deliiiight… Ahh… I make fart-noises with my mouth, and I like it cause…
Bartender: Hey nutjob, quit the singing! You creeping out all the regulars.
Ron Burgundy: I’m expressing my inner anguish THROUGH THE MAJESTY OF SONG!
From Up:
Dug the dog: Gray car.
One more Arrested Development One:
Bob Loblaw’s commercial - “Why should you be punished for a crime someone else . . . noticed.”
I also like “Bob Loblaw’s Law Blog”
Hard to say that something’s unexpectedly funny in Clue since it’s a comedy / spoof… but I always chuckle at this seemingly random exchange (even in that context).
Mrs. White: “He didn’t like me very much. He once threatened to kill me in public.”
Miss Scarlet: “Why would he want to kill you in public?”
Wadsworth: “I think she means he threatened, in public, to kill her.”
Miss Scarlet: “Ah.”
Something from “The Princess Bride” that has always tickled me:
After Westley has faced down Prince Humperdinck in Buttercup’s bedchamber, he makes Humperdinck sit in a chair and tells Buttercup to tie him up. Then he says to her, “Make it as tight as you like.”
The camera cuts away to the hallway outside, where Inigo is running up. Off-camera, we hear Humperdinck say “Ooof!”
30 Rock - “It wouldn’t be a Lemon party without old Dick!”
I had to explain to everyone why I was laughing…then had to explain how I knew what it meant.
Roseanne was pretty good for switching up what you’d expect. One of my favorites came from the brilliant John Goodman:
Darlene: I have to write this stupid poem for class.
Roseanne: Well, that’s Ok, you can do that, you’ve written poems before.
Dan: Yeah, but it has to be stupid.
“Yeah, mom’s awesome.”
Batman in the 1966 movie: “Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb.”
I love that line. Monty Python has some AMAZING throwaway lines.
Mel Brooks is great with them, too. Here are some of my favorite Mel Brooks one-liners.
From History of the World Part One
Oedipus: [walking around collecting donations] Give to Oedipus! Give to Oedipus! Hey, Josephus!
Josephus: Hey, motherf**ker!
Josephus: Not to worry, not to worry… we are now armed with mighty joint!
Count de Monet: Don’t get saucy with me, Bearnaise!
From Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Ahchoo: Hey, Blinkin!
Blinkin: Did you say “Abe Lincoln”?
Prince John: Tell everyone that when the day is out we shall have a wedding. Or a hanging. Either way, we’re gonna have a lot of fun, huh?
Robin Hood: I lost. I lost? Wait a second, I’m not supposed to lose. Let me see the script.
From Spaceballs
[upon going into “ludicrous speed”]
Dark Helmet: My brains are going into my feet!
Prison Guard 1: Hey! Those are the guys that stole our uniforms!
Prison Guard 2: They beat the shit out of us too!
Dot Matrix: Hey wait, you forgot to get married!
The Producers (1968)
Franz Liebkind: I am the author. You are the audience. I outrank you!
Leo Bloom: I’m in pain and I’m wet and I’m still hysterical!
The Producers (2005)
Ulla: [nervously] Okey-dokey… you like it?
Max Bialystock: Lik-, like it? I want you to know, my dear, that even though we are sitting down, we are giving you a standing ovation.
Leo Bloom: Mr. Bialystock, I’m afraid you’ve mistaken me for someone with a spine.
Blazing Saddles
[Recalling his gunfighting career]
Jim: I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille.
Lili Von Shtupp: [singing] I’ve been with thousands of men/again and again/they promise the moon/they’re always coming and going and going and coming… and always too soon.
Hedley Lamarr: Gentlemen, please rest your sphincters.
Young Frankenstein
Igor: Wait Master, it might be dangerous… you go first.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: HE’S GOT A ROTTEN BRAIN! IT’S ROTTEN, I TELL YA! ROTTEN!
The Monster: RAAAAAAAA!
Igor: Ixnay on the ottenray.