What's your funniest movie quote?

The title pretty much sums it up. I know you are all gonna either laugh at mine or go “Huh?”

Movie: Murder by Death

Chauffeur: (in French accent)Zere iz somezin wrong. I can feel eet in my buns.
French Detective: You haf buns? Why did you not tell me you haf buns?
Chaffeur: Non non non. Ze buns in my body.
French Detective: I told you, don’t speak with an accent when I am 'ungry.

:smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

For some reason just thinking of it gets a chuckle from me.

So what is your, perhaps obscure, funniest movie line?

Ah, Murder by Death. I love that movie. The sequel-in-spirit, The Cheap Detective, is excellent as well.

My alltime favorite funny movie line, as I will tell anyone, is a simple classic :

“Surely, you can’t be serious.”
“I am serious… and don’t call me Shirley.”

Simple joke, great delivery.

But, another, paraphrased but as accurate as I can remember from The Cheap Detective:

Nazi : “We must hurry! Schnell! Schnell!”
Schnell : “Yes?”
Nazi : “Not you. From now on, we only speak English. Now, Kvicker, kvicker!”
Kvicker : “Yes?”
Nazi : “Not you, Kvicker.”

“Yeah, we can be civilized… Whoa, check out the funbags on that hosehound!”

Dumb and Dumber. Talk about delivery. The fact that they are in Day Glo tuxedos at the time (complete with matching top hats) helps.

DaLovin’ Dj

“How that elephant got in my pajamas I’ll never know…”

Another, from Baseketball :

“I’m sorry… if you want unanimous consent, you’ll have to get it from one of the other owners.”

Yeah, but I still go for the cheap laughs.

Remer: [pulls a hair from his teeth as Ted’s teammate takes a shot] Aw, one of Brittany’s mom’s pubic hairs!

“GARBAGE DAY!!!” --Silent Night, Deadly Night 2

Super Troopers has enough to fill this thread, but my favorite is:
Thorny: But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun. Farva’s are stupid and cruel. They’re not even really shenanigans.
Mac: Evil shenanigans.
O’Hagen:I swear to God I’ll pistol whip the next guy to say shenanigans.
Mac: Hey Farva, whats the name of the restraunt you like with all the goofy sh*t on the walls?
Farva: You mean Shenanigans? You’re talking about Shenanigans right?
(Mac hands pistol to O’Hagen.)

I think Mel Brooks takes the cake in most one-liners had me ROFLMAO on first hearing them. Blazing Saddles (IMO) is his best:

“What in the wide wide world of sports is going on here?”

“Excuse me while I whip this out”

From Top Secret!, in one of their spoofs of the sign-and-countersign used by spies and their contacts for identification at a rendezvous:

“Who do you like in the finals of the Virginia Slims tournament?”
“In women’s tennis, I always bet against the heterosexual.”

Just some more I love:

*Rumack: You’d better tell the Captain we’ve got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now. *

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back:

"And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. "

“I faaaaaart in your general direction!!”

I think we all know the movie…

Nick Charles: I’m a hero. I was shot 2 times in the Tribune.
Nora Charles: I read where you were shot 5 times in the tabloids.
Nick Charles: It’s not true. He didn’t come anywhere near my tabloids.
And from Bullets over Broadway…

“You stand on the brink of greatness. The world will open to you like an oyster. No… not like an oyster. The world will open to you like a magnificent vagina.”

Oh, the choices. I think, in the end, I’m going to have to go with Real Genius.

Chris: Kent puts his name on his license plate.
Mitch: My mother does the same thing with my underwear.
Chris: Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?

from one of the Pink Panther movies (forgive me but I don’t remember which one):

Clouseau: Does your dog bite?

Roomkeeper: No.

{Clouseau goes to pet the dog and it bites him.}

Clouseau: I thought you said your dog does not bite?

Roomkeeper: That is not my dog.

So many quotes…

I’ll have to use something from Cannibal! The Musical - seeing as the “Fudge, Packer?” probably isn’t all that funny for most people I’ll quote the fantastic “Ode to LeAnne” (sp?), a song sung by the main character, Alferd Packer, a song about his best friend - his horse, LeAnne.

From here.

Also, from the same movie:

In fact, is posting a whole movie script here frowned upon at all?

From **Kung Pow : Enter the Fist ** -


From Zoolander -

“I was bulimic.”
“You can read minds?”

My favorite part of Top Secret! is the Macy’s jingle, though…

“Do the tears on your pillow/
roll down as you turn/
do they short out … the blanket/
and make the sheets burn?”

“Is your heart … filled with pain?/
Will you … come back again?/
Shop at Macy’s and love me tonight…”

Well, from The Big Lebowski, you could go with
“Obviously, you’re not a golfer.”
“You know the Seattle Seven? That was me. … And six other guys.”

There are too many good Marx Brothers lines to pick from, really.
“Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you.”
“Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don’t think I could handle any more.”
“Ha ha ha ha ha ha… you can’t fool me. There ain’t no Sanity Clause.”
"That’s the fire escape… and that’s a table, and this is a room, and there’s the door and I wish you’d use it. I vant to be alone. "
"I see the table is set for four. "
That’s nothing, my alarm clock is set for eight!

“I know a little German. He’s sitting over there.”