What's your funniest movie quote?

“How do we know he’s not Mel Torme?” - Top Secret!

“I’ve come for your daughter, Chuck.” - Beetlejuice

"I suppose you could say that everyone has an El Guapo. For some, shyness may be an El Guapo. For others, lack of education may be an El Guapo. But for us, El Guapo is a large ugly man who wants to kill us! " - Three Amigos!

And of course, with apologies to those of the feminine persuasion, the theme song from Orgazmo

“What makes a man, is it the woman in his hands /
Just 'cause she’s got big titties /
Is it the way he fights every day /
No, it’s probably the titties…”

Just about any exchange Albert Brooks had in the movie Lost in America.

From Smoke Signals, “It’s a good day to be indigenous.”

“Hello, I had a question about your attack dogs. Do they just attack people or can you get them to attack little dogs? Oh? Well what if you starve them for a while?”

From Ruthless People – outside of Holy Grail and Spinal Tap, probably the funniest movie ever. From the same movie:

“Twelve thousand watts of head-bangin’, ass-kickin’ nuclear brain damage! So what if it’s as big as a Suberu and costs as much? You’ll never have to trade these in! And when you die, they can bury you in it!”

From Johnny Dangerously:

"It’s an .88 Magnum. It shoots through schools. "

From one of my all time favorites, Top Gun:

“Shitter’s full!”

“‘Surprised’, Eddie? I couldn’t be any more surprised if I woke up in the morning with my head sewn to the carpet.”


From O Brother Where Art Thou?, just about every line that the radio station manager utters. And it’s not that the lines are funny when read, but they’re hysterical when he says them:

“Oh, yup yup yup, I remember them boys. They sang into yonder can and then they skedaddle.”

“Oh, we got to beat that competition!”

“Well, it was a pow’ful air.”

Other funny OBWAT lines:

“No thanks, Delmar, a third of a gopher would just arouse my appetite without beddin’ 'er back down again.”

“I winged a census once.”
“Now, that’s a good boy.”

“Mah hair!”



“If I told you once, I told you a thousand times…Do not fan the girls when they are wet! But you’ll never learn…you’ll be a eunuch all your life.”

“What can happen in an hour or two?”
“At his age? The mind boggles!”

“A common courtesan in the house of Lycus?”
“Is that disgraceful?”
“Well, there’s no way you can make it sound like an achievement.”

From Bedazzled (the original):

The stuttering Lord Dowdy: “Sh-sh-sh-surely, i-i-i-it-it-it-it’s only a t-t-t-te-temporary s-s-setback.”
The Devil (Peter Cook): “That’s very easy for you to say, Lord Dowdy”

From Adaptation: “I just got shot! Isn’t that fucked up?”

From “WarGames”

Biology Teacher: Now, there has been some confusion on this next topic: asexual reproduction. Who first came up with the idea of reproduction without sex?

David Lightman: Your wife?

“Remember, you’re fighting for the honor of a lady! Which is a lot more than she ever did!”

From Rat Race:

“Daddy, I have to go!”
“Sorry, no stopping…Randy, get her a jar.”
“Girls can’t pee in a jar!”
“Right…Randy, a jar and a funnel.”

Centurion: Ite. Domus? Nominative? But “go home”, it is motion towards, isn’t it, boy?
Brian: Dative, sir!
Brian: No, not dative! Not the dative, sir! No! The… accusative, accusative! Domum, sir, ad domum!
The idea of pulling a sword on someone because they mixed up Latin cases is hilarious to me.

“Who taught you boys to talk like this?”
“Um, I think we heard Mr. Garrison say it a few times.”
“Come now children. I hardly think Mr. Garrison has ever said: Eat Penguin shit you ass spelunker.”

Life of Brian:

Brian’s Mother: He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!

Brian: Excuse me. Are you the Judean People’s Front?
Reg: Fuck off! We’re the People’s Front of Judea

Or from the same film, one of cinema’s great mindfucks…

Brian: You are all individuals!
Crowd: We are all individuals!
One guy: I’m not!

From “The Pink Panther Strikes Again” (I think, although it might be one of the other entries in the series)

Inspector Clouseau has just smashed a grand piano with a medieval gauntlet…

Mrs. Leverlilly - “That’s a priceless Steinway”
Inspector Clouseau - “Not any more.”

Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can’t tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I’m a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I’m just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can’t you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can’t take a guess for another two hours?

Or, how about this?

Male announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Female announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Male announcer: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
Female announcer: No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone.
Male announcer: The red zone has always been for loading.
Female announcer: Don’t you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading.
Male announcer: Look Betty, don’t start up with your white zone shit again.
male announcer: There’s just no stopping in a white zone.
Female announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
Male announcer: It’s really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there’s no danger involved.

Or perhaps this:

Randy: Can I get you something?
Second Jive Dude: ‘S’mofo butter layin’ me to da’ BONE! Jackin’ me up… tight me!
Randy: I’m sorry, I don’t understand.
First Jive Dude: Cutty say ‘e can’t HANG!
Jive Lady: Oh stewardess! I speak jive.
Randy: Oh, good.
Jive Lady: He said that he’s in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him.
Randy: All right. Would you tell him to just relax and I’ll be back as soon as I can with some medicine?
Jive Lady: Jus’ hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da’ rebound on da’ med side.
Second Jive Dude: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap!
Jive Lady: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don’ want no help, chump don’t GET da’ help!
First Jive Dude: Say 'e can’t hang, say seven up!
Jive Lady: Jive ass dude don’t got no brains anyhow! Hmmph!