“Jack is not stalking you! Where would he find the time, what with all his anger management classes and gun club meetings?” – from Greg the Bunny.
I’m doing some mindless paperwork on the couch, and I’ve got Gone With the Wind going in the VCR to amuse my brain. This line always makes me laugh out loud, even though I know it’s coming:
It’s early in the movie, right after the war breaks out. Scarlett is at the party with Melanie, and a man in a uniform comes around with a basket full of trinkets and says,
"Ladies, the Confederacy requests your jewelry."
What a great scam! The guy collects their rings (and Rhett’s cigar case besides) and is never seen again. He must have cleaned up with that line. 
“Morgan drank out of it. It has his amoebas.” From Signs.
At the pub. Lenny is talking about how bull snakes:
- become active in the spring before rattlesnakes;
- eat rattlesnakes;
- winter over next to rattlesnakes so that they can eat them in the spring.
My buddy Dan pipes up, “Of course they live next door, they can’t WALK to work.”
I also saw Signs today! When I saw the thread title, I immediately thought of a different line from the movie.
“I’m Insane with Anger!”
It doesn’t make any sense unless you saw the scene. But it sure got a laugh out of everyone in the theater.
And what of Belgium, and the Netherlands?
Master, I did not look that low!
The Comedy of Errors, by Bill.
“Drowning is my third favorite way to die. But they’re all good.”
– Creepy Suzie from The Oblongs
A friend was telling me how she overheard this man on a cell phone in town say, “I’m offering you semen for lunch.”
“I’m offering you semen for lunch”?? It had me cracking up.
One of my co-workers is a foreign-national who speaks english with a thick accent.
Yesterday he announces to our supervisor and us:
“I just fucked up the bitch.”
:eek: 
“Ja! I took a fuck up the bitch! Look at mein feet!”, showing sand on the soles of his sandals.
He walked up the beach.