Your favorite funny line from a movie

Room Service, 1938:
(Groucho and Chico have convinced the hotel supervisor that Harpo is dead. Groucho asks Wagner to help him carry Harpo out into the alley.)
Wagner: I can’t do that! The body’s not cold yet!
Chico: I’ll fix-a that, I’ll phone-a for some ice. (On phone): Room Service–send up enough ice to cool a warm body!
Who Done It?, 1942:
(The president of the radio network has been murdered. Abbot and Costello, in the studio, act like police detectives. Abbot wants Costello to question one of the suspects.)
Abbott: Grill him.
Costello: What?
Abbott: Grill him!
Costello: I’m not hungry. :smiley:
Post here your favorite two or three lines in a scene from a comedy movie.

It’s tough to beat, “I came here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubblegum.”

Also, “Ray, if someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!”

I second that selection. That line always makes me smile.

From “Army of Darkness,” said by Ash to King Something-or-the-other: “Right now, you’re King of Jack and shit, and Jack left town.”

In “Dumb and Dumber,” when the cop pulls the guys over and takes a swig from a urine-filled beer bottle. The cop looks like he’s about to puke. In the audio background and off-camera, you can hear Jim Carrey say “Tic-Tac, sir?” It’s my favorite part of that whole movie.

Here’s an old one. In the 1973 Bond flick “Live and Let Die,” Bond has just nailed a spy for his enemy. He then puts a gun to her head and tells her to start talking. She smiles and says “But you couldn’t. You wouldn’t, not after what we’ve just done.” Bond (Roger Moore) replies, “I certainly wouldn’t have killed you before.”

In another Bond movie (“Diamonds Are Forever”) Sean Connery as Bond is gambling in a casino and bets $10,000 on one toss. A woman sidles up to him and says “Hi. My name’s Plenty. Plenty O’Toole.” Connery replies, “Oh, named after your father, perhaps?”
I first saw this movie when I was kid. My mother laughed out loud at that line, and I didn’t get it!

I haven’t seen this movie in a while, but the following is what I remember from the scene in Space Balls…

“What’s your name?”
“Private Asshole, sir.”
“Who’s your officer?”
“Lieutenant Asshole”

I forget the next part, but then Dark Helmet says:

“How many people here are Assholes?”
“I knew it! I’m surrounded by assholes! KEEP FIRING, ASSHOLES!”

That part always makes me laugh. Another good scene is when they watch Space Balls to find out what happens next in the film.

I like the line in “Unforgiven” where, after William Munny (Clint Eastwood) shoots a guy, a bystander says, “You shot an unarmed man!” and Munny replies, “He should’ve armed himself.”

Or words to that effect.

“Blink and you’ll die in the dark”

“Now let’s you just drop them pants”

"Now let me tell you where I’m from, I’m from a little place called ‘Fresh-Off-A-Nigger’s-Ass’ and you just made me homesick.

and of course my tag…

The Time Machine, 1960:
(At the start of the story. Wells hasn’t shown up yet for dinner. One of the gentlemen waiting for him stands near a mantelpiece crowded with ticking clocks and says: )
“What time is it?” :smiley:
Mel Brooks’ Silent Movie, 1976:
(Scene is Marcel Marceau’s home in Paris–you can tell because the Arc de Triomphe is visible out an open window. Marceau, imitating a man fighting a strong wind to get to the phone [“Sonnez…Sonnez…” says the title card], finally gets to the phone and answers it.)
(Mel Funn’s title card)
“Allo, Marcel, Je suis Funn. How would you like to be in the first silent movie made in more than 30 years?”
Marceau: “NO!” (hangs up)
Dom Bell (Dom DeLuise) asks Mel (title card) “What did he say?”
Mel (title card) “Beats me. I don’t speak French.” :smiley:

“The new phone book’s here! The new phone book’s here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity – your name in print – that makes people. Things are going to start happening to me now.”

By the way, this is an IMHO post, not MPSIMS. If it has the word “favorite” in the title, think IMHO.

Lux Fiat - I think you got that quote backwards … isn’t it “I came here to kick some ass and chew some bubblegum … and I’m allll outta bubblegum”.

Another great quote from that movie … “You, you’re ok … but she’s fucking ugly!.”

And, from a movie classic:

“The only time a whore should open her mouth is when she giving head.”

I laughed at “Frankly, My Dear, I don’t give a damn!”
It just struck me as stupid. I didn’t know it was supposed to be famous.

Hear, hear, Monster. Any line from Spaceballs is hilarious. This one os for Tasha, though.

We have to go to Kmart in Cincinati. 400 Oak Street. We have to go to Kmart to buy boxer shorts.

I think the one in response to Tom Cruise’s question of why not was, “Yours are too tight,” and then he tosses them out of the window.

One of the all time great toss-offs in Cinema history was in “Educating Rita”. Rita and her rather dim husband are hurrying to her sister in law’s wedding. Danny is still speculating on why Rita isn’t pregnant (she takes the pill on the sly) commenting, “In my family, all a man has to do is look at a girl and she gets pregnant.” Rita ripostes with, “That’s because you’re all cockeyed.” What a splendid zinger.

Now on to Mel Blanc’s “The Producers”, what could possibly beat the entire song, “Springtime For Hitler”? Close seconds are when Max, after a grueling day of pitching woo to elderly dowagers, opens up the safe full of money, gives it the once over and says, “Hi boys.” Second would be when Gene Wilder is having his anxiety attack, Max throws a glass of water on him to snap him out of it. When Wilder calms down, Max looks at him ever so solicitously and says, “Better?” Finally, when they begin plotting to blow up the theater and Wilder protests, “You just can’t kill them like that. The actors aren’t animals, you know.” And Max replies, “Have you ever eaten luch with one of them?”

Blazing Saddles: the black sheriff (Cleavon Little) and Jim, The Waco Kid (Gene Wilder) want to ambush a couple of KKK members.

Jim: Looky what I got me here, boys!
Bart being held by Jim: Hey! Where’s the white women at?

Also, when Bart first arrives in town and everyone pulls a gun on him. He gets out of it by pointing his gun to his own head and threatening to kill himself:

Bart: One move, and the nigger gets it!
Harriett Johnson: Isn’t someone going to help that poor man?
Dr. Sam Johnson: Hush, Harriett! That’s sure to get him killed!
Bart: Help me, help me!
[Bart maneuvers his hostage (himself) into an empty building]

Don’t even get me started on A Fish Called Wanda…

I’m sure Zenster meant Mel Brooks, and that’s just a holdover from the favorite Mel Blanc quotes.

Giraffe - also from Blazing Saddles when Gene Wilder and Cleavon Little are dressed as KKK, and they see Little’s hands, Wilder starts scrubbing them, turns Little’s palm up and says, “See, it’s coming off.”

And from A Fish Called Wanda -
Kevin Kline: “Oh no, it’s K-K-K-Ken! C-C-Coming to k-k-k-kill me!”

Ken (enraged and horrified, as Kevin Kline eats one of his pet fish): “You B-B-B-B-B”
Kevin Kline (interrupting): “Better eat the green one? OK! (eating a green fish and making a face) Ewwww! Avoid the green ones. They’re not ripe yet. Ha ha ha ha ha!”

Another from Blazing Saddles:
They said you was hung!
And they was right!

[Dead Bill S. Preston almost falls down when climbing around in Hell]

Dead Bill S. Preston: Ted, you know, if I die, you can have my megadeth collection.

Dead Ted Logan: Dude, we are already dead.
Dead Bill S. Preston: Oh. Well then they’re yours, dude.

The Jerk .

I love Woody Allen’s last line in The Front . He’s in front of a McCarthy hearing and answers their question with " Fuck You" and then he walks .

Also from Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey

“Dude, Ted, I don’t think I can do infinity pushups”
“What if we do them girly-style?”