Yesterday at work, two men got into an elevator after me.
“I can’t help the kind of guys I go for,” said the older one. “It’s not a fetish, it’s just what I like.”
Although they were silent for the rest of the ride, my curiosity was piqued.
Ever overheard anything intriguing in an elevator or in public?
I constantly say wierd stuff in the elevator, just to freak people out. My standard line if I’m with my wife is “Well, if it’s not MY baby, then who’s is it?” Depending on her mood, she will either stiffle laughter or slug me.
I love to say wierd stuff, just to psych people.
One day I was on an escalator (close enough, right?) with my mom. I turned to her and said, “So where did you say you hid the body?” She gasped and said, “Shut up, shut up, we’re not supposed to talk about that in public!”
Everybody else around us was dead silent. We looked around and quit talking, fighting to hide the laughter the whole ride. Can you imagine trying to hold in laughter for thirty seconds with a whole escalator of people staring at you? It was awful.
Damn funny, too. 
So me and a buddy of mine (both kinda’ drunk) get on an elevator. We weigh less than 175 pounds each. The only other occupant is about 6ft. 10 inches tall and must weigh a very solid 350 lbs.
My friend waits until the door closes and the elevator starts to move, turns to the Big Guy and says: “Damn you’re big sonofabitch!” :eek:
I assumed death was impending, but luckily, Big Guy had a sense of humor. When we got to the lobby level of the hotel we were in, all went to the bar and we bought Big Guy two beers.
It sure was scary in that elevator for the first few seconds after the remark was made though.
I was in my building’s lobby and the elevator opened up–two women got out, and one was saying to the other, " . . . well, thank goodness I’m usually unconscious when it happens!"
I’ve been wondering ever since . . .
This is the best elevator story I have heard.
(I once asked the attendant on the Space Needle elevator how fast we would hit the ground if the cable broke… shocked silence in the cab… the tourist spiel stopped.)
I always loved the elevator scene from * Ghost. *
“Yeah, the doctor says it’s highly contagious. I’m really not supposed to be around people.” cough cough
One I heard someone else tell me was pretty good. Crowd of people. Everyone’s pretty stressed, not talking much. Suddenly, someone in the front yells, “Holy shit!” The doors open instantly, he steps out and runs away.
Awesome!
I think my favorite overheard comment in an elevator was between two men who got on, and were wrapping up a conversation. They each said one word. The first said “Vagisil?”, and his companion shook his head and answered “Coppertone.”
I’ve always wished I asked exactly what in the hell the context of that one was.
Now, in a similar vein… I once talked a couple friends of mine into helping with a recording, which we used to amuse ourselves at drive-thru restaurants fro a couple of months.
It was basically an argument between a man an a woman, over what they were going to order, her asking for the double cheeseburger, and him saying things like “you need a double-cheeseburger like Switzerland needs a war memorial”, the argument escalating, and finally breaking douwn to him saying “I’ve got your damn cheeseburger right HERE,” et alia, screamed over the sounds of a chainsaw being pull-started, revving, cutting into a log (hey, no friends harmed during the taping), and my female friend screaming her fool head off.
We’d pop it into the cassette deck in the car whenever we wanted some quick hijinks… the looks we got speeding out of the drive-thrus were priceless.
I really should get a girlfriend.
That’s downright CRUEL,Vanilla Toast!
My friend Melanie and I,back in HS,used to get in elevators and pretend to discuss politics in Valley Girl speak. I’m sure it was annoying but we found it funny as hell.
IDBB