From what we can tell, it is the late twenty-first century. We’re in what used to be the western United States. We think they fired first, but it doesn’t really matter now, does it? All we know is what we can see. Look around you. Sand, rock, rusted metal, this is what’s left.
Some folks were better prepared than others. They managed to make it to the underground vaults. But they’ve gotta come out sooner or later, and whether you walk out of a vault, a hut, or a sheet-metal shack, you walk out into the same world.
If you’ve got a home, stay near it. If you’ve got a gun, keep it close. Even if the wasteland wasn’t full of mutated animals, mutated people, and just plain mean folks with no respect for decency, you could still die out there just from radiation or thirst.
Still, it ain’t much of a world, but it’s what we’ve got. Some folks are trying to clean it up. Some want to bring back a little law and order. Maybe they’re a little zealous about it, but can you blame 'em? Some are just happy with the way things are, where firepower solves problems and anything is for sale, even humans. What are YOU going to do?
Manny: Ooh, I as beginning to think our transportation wasn’t ostentatious enough.
Chepito (receiving a pair of stockings): Hey! Real silk; where’d you get these?
Manny: I was wearing them the whole time.
Chepito: You too?
(on examining the cat box)
Manny: As tempting as it seems, I don’t want to jump in the huge pile of used kitty litter.
(paraphrased)
Meche: I know you work for one of the most heavily armed organizations in the city. Hand over your gun.
Manny: I DON’T WORK FOR THE MOST HEAVILY ARMED ORGANIZATION ANYWHERE!
Meche: What about the Lost Souls Alliance that’s been buying up all the guns in El Marrow?
Manny: Them, I work for.
Any of the “poems” you can make in the beatnik bar. Clambake!
From Starcraft: “Thank God for cold fusion!”, in one of the cutscenes. But you really need the full context for that to make sense.
At the end of the expansion, Brood War: “Right now, I’m pretty much the Queen Bitch of the Universe.”
In the “Journal” from Dark Reign, part of the backstory: “Interstellar war and galactic heros are all well and good, but I could sure go for some pie.”
In Duke Nukem 3D, there’s a copy of the Duke Nukem arcade game. “I don’t have time to play with myself.”
Best of all time would probably be the Demonhunter from Warcraft III. He says something to the effect of,
“Darkness called, but I was busy. I *69’ed darkness, but all I got was his answering machine. I said ‘hello are you there darkness?’ but Darkness must be screening his calls”
Also the Dreadlord has a quote
phone rings “Darkness? You’re trying to get a hold of the Demonhunter? no, I don’t have his number!”
Echoed later in the Protoss Observer in StarCraft (I love Blizzard’s running gags :D).
More StarCraftiness:
“I’m about to drop the hammer … and dispense some in-dis-criminate justice!”
– Siege tank driver, needs to be said with proper Southern redneck accent for full effect.
“It doesn’t take a telepath to know what you’re thinking.”
– Sarah Kerrigan, before she lost her cuteness.
… and anything ripped from the Alien movies that StarCraft so obviously pays homage to, just because the context of the game makes the quotes funny. (“In the pipe, five-by-five”, “How do I get out of this chickensh!t outfit?”, etc)
Blood:
The show tunes Caleb sings when he’s idle. There’s something sickly amusing about an undead cult member humming “Strangers in the night, exchanging glances…” while picking zombie entrails off his pitchfork.
The numerous Evil Dead quotes.
“I don’t know nothin’ about birthin’ babies, Miss Scarlett” when presented with the Rosemary’s Baby type lurking in the baby carriage. (It’s in a secret part. Cracked me up first time I heard it.)
More will no doubt occur to me as soon as I hit Submit.
Kane, of the Command and Conquer series of games, has a number of great lines, rendered priceless because -well, because he is Kane!:
“General, I am the Future!” Red Alert, just after he kills Nadia who just killed Stalin.
Consider this exchange from Tiberian Sun, that I obtained from a website
Kane: “It would be a sad error in judgement, General Solomon, to mistake me for a corpse.” General Solomon: “My judgement is sound Kane, and I am not afraid of ghosts, or you.” Kane: “Perhaps you should be.”
Max Payne’s also has some memorable quotes. I know I myself have had the phrase “the flesh of fallen angels” in my head for weeks after I finished the game. There is also a bit of narration during a dream sequence in which Max comes upon the revelation that he is not only a comic book character, but a video game character. I can’t remember all of it, but I laughed my arse off. He ends it: “Funny as hell, it’s the worst thing I could think of.” or some such.
Ah, yes, Minsc, Ranger Berserker. He’s the reason I went looking for this thread again.
He’s also got
“Butt kicking for goodness”
“You point, I punch”
and
“Evil round every corner. Be careful not to step in any.”
And while we’re on the you’ve-clicked-too-many-times things from *arcraft, there’s also the Science Vessel (Who let all these monkeys loose? Jane, stop this crazy thing! D’oh!), the Arbiter (You seek knowledge of time travel? Here is your first lesson. rewinds You seek knowledge of time travel?), and Artanis, a hero from the expansion (Stop it! What do you think I am, an Orc? This is not just Warcraft in space! It’s much more sophisticated!). DarkJudicator, is that really hidden in the observer, of all things? I never listened to one of those beyond a few random beeps.
I haven’t thought about Blood or its sequel in years. Great quotes in there from Caleb. My favorite remains from the first, when Caleb busts into a circus tent, with a tightwire you have to walk eventually, and just bursts into this manic “JOJO! JOJO! I WANT JOJO!”
