Adults actually do this? Do they also threaten to hold their breath until they turn blue?
There is no ‘best way’ because there are to many variables.
Did the silent person (sp) or the silence recipient (sr) do something wrong?
Are both parties aware of the wrong? Or a perceived wrong?
Did the sr escalate or shut down honest, constructive communication?
I gave my ex the silent treatment - many times.
Because she refused to discuss certain things - things a couple needs to talk about. Whenever one of the trigger topics came up, she’d pick a fight over something totally unrelated and often ancient.
Once I learned what the topics are, I’d state an issue, what I’d decided to do and my reasoning why. Then I’d back off as she blew-up.
I finally found out her reasoning in marriage counselling (that didn’t help save the marriage at all) - she felt that my not willing to do something (ie everything) her way was saying I didn’t love her. It reaffirmed that she didn’t know what love is.
Ironically, she gave me the silent treatment during our divorce, which only resulted in her lawyer charging for all the communication.
Now, to answer the OP;
I state my perception of the situation and a proposed course of action or solution.
For friend, same, with note that this isn’t friendly interaction and can only be tolerated so many times.
Co-worker - state my perception of the situation and a proposed course of action or solution in person, all work interaction via writing or Email and professional.
Others - it’s unacceptable from a child. Any adult… generally F’em.
My (ex) wife used to use the silent treatment when she got the sulks about some imagined slight. She could do it for hours.
My tactic was to just say to her that if she wanted to tell me what was up her arse this time we could try to work it out, but if she just wanted to sit there sulking, fine, I’m going out in the garden or shed. The usual response was a snapped “I’m not sulking” :rolleyes:
up to 30 minutes to “cool off” is fine, just give the person time and space to settle. Longer than that they’re an immature drama queen.
My gramma used to give my mom (her DIL) the silent treatment all the time, and my grandparents lived next door to us, so it was pretty obvious. Mom viewed it as a blessing, since then she wasn’t bitching. 
My dad used to get so pissed off at work that he’d shut down when he got home, and go out into the garage to tinker. Mom would have us all walking on eggshells until he cooled off. But that was more due to his inability to deal with the stress in a healthy way, he wasn’t mean or cruel or anything. It still felt unfair at the time.
A bf in college turned out to be a real dick, and was slowly ramping up to actual abuse. When he gave me the silent treatment the first time I ignored it until he came around, since I feel it’s manipulative and immature and wasn’t going to walk on eggshells for him. When he did it the second time I broke up with him. Total deal-breaker.
Usually I ignore the person until they stop being a jerk. If they never do, no big loss.
- Nag them until we get in a fight or they tell me what is wrong
- Ignore
- Ignore
- Ignore
I don’t think it’s ever happened to me. Just the “I’m so angry I can’t talk” version, which, as you say, doesn’t count.
The only thing I can think I’d so is wait it out a bit, then, if it doesn’t resolve on its own, just say something like “I know you’re mad at me about something, but if you won’t tell me why, I can’t fix it. Write it down if you want to, but please let me know so we can come to a solution so this doesn’t happen again.”
Yeah, that’s more verbose than I normally am, but they aren’t going to stop me.
Taking time to calm down and think in separate rooms is fine. But if our argument happened at 4pm and now it’s 7pm, and either party says, “So what are we doing for dinner? You cooking something, am I cooking something, or are we ordering in?” needs to be met with a response.
It’s just childish to simply remain silent on every question posed, or to respond with something that will continue the argument.
Suburban Plankton and I used to be friends with a couple and the wife was a champion at giving the silent treatment. We were at their house one weekend and I swear she went close to two days without actually speaking to her husband. It was really awkward. And she is really, really good at holding a grudge, too, so she had lots of practice. She never did it with me, but she did it to SP. Didn’t speak to him for a whole day over some perceived slight.
Not worth staying friends with people like that. I do miss her husband. We had be friends since high school.
And in this hypothetical, the reasons she’s not talking to you is could be because you’re spending too much time on the xbox.
So that way you get more gaming time, and she doesn’t nag you about it. Win-win. 
I hate the silent treatment with a passion. My parents used to play this game for literally months at a time. If they needed to communicate it would be through me or my sister. It was horrible and as a kid I was constantly afraid of what would happen when one of them finally left. As an adult, as a result, I can’t handle being given the silent treatment. It eats me up. Unfortunately I have been known to give it to others but I try to stop myself and communicate what’s wrong. It’s not always easy to go against what I learned as a kid.
The silent treatment is an immature and childish way to deal with problems. It is for simple people who have not evolved into handling situations in a productive way. That goes for anyone. I have a coworker that is giving me the silent treatment right now and I ignore her. She is over 10 years older than me and if that is how she has resolved to deal with conflict…I DO NOT CARE. I ignore her. I don’t have time for it. I feel like if she really thought this was a serious issue and she was in the right, a civil adult conversation face-to-face would suffice. If not, I cannot take her or anyone else that tries this tactic on me seriously.
So I’m going to open up and talk from the other side.
I used to give the silent treatment. When I first entered this relationship, it was one of the ways I dealt with conflict. My mother dealt with conflict the same way. Sometimes her silent treatment would go on for days, while my dad and me tiptoed around the house.
Luckily my SO stuck through it with me, and after a lot of talks I stopped doing it. It didn’t help that he was Very Bad at talking through his feelings - he would just internalize the hurt. So we had a hard time talking about anything.
When I look back on us I don’t blame myself too much. I mean, I was wrong, and I shouldn’t go back that way, but we were young, and I was out of a fairly abusive home.
I can tell you, though, that the silent treatment really doesn’t get you anything you want. But I think the people who keep on using it thrive on the drama. Whereas I like my life to be as drama-free as possible.
Just in case it’s not clear, I promise, I haven’t used the silent treatment in at least fifteen years now. Now we talk it out! What a concept!
Passive-aggressiveness is the root problem.
zombie or no
go all motormouth on them.
I’m with this. Nothing chills a relationship, for me, faster. When this happens, I start keeping a list (figurative), and start planning my exit.