I guess I have frightened them all off as I haven’t had a visit in years, although some Muslim evangelical group left an English translation of the Koran on my doorknob. Up to that point, I had never encountered evangelists for Islam. I was a little surprised that they took the same approach as the Gideons given how worked up some folks get about dis-respecting the Koran. It was in a clear plastic door-hanger bag, with a little note asking that you not throw it in the trash.
Well, at the risk of shitting this thread, I once had a marvelous experience with the door-to-door Jehova’s Witnesses. I lived in an apartment in a semi-rural place. They came a-knocking.
They had this red-covered book (about 70 pages or so) they were hawking for $3 – dirt cheap for any book, I thought. They said it was a discussion of the Book of Revelation. They didn’t tell me they were JW.
I flipped through the pages. Every page has a verse or two, followed by a whole page or two of detailed explanatory comments and those truly fabulous illustrations that only JW’s can create! I recognized them as JW work at once, and asked them if they were JW. They immediately admitted it.
I bought the book immediately. They went away.
What a fabulous book! Do you like ancient Greek Mythology, with its fantastic stories, bloody battles, tales of lust and betrayal and magic? This was just like that. Vast galactic battles for the souls of the Earth! Blood poured out over the whole world! The Whore of Babylon getting ravaged by the seven-headed ten-horned monster! Gargoyles fu! Apocalyptic horsemen fu! 666 fu! All finally ending happily ever after in the paradise of New Jerusalem. Every story expanded, embellished, and embiggened to the max, way beyond anything the original Revelation ever said, by the masterful storycrafters that the JW are! And those magnificent full-color illustrations on every page!
And all for only $3.00 ! I definitely felt I got my money’s worth.
Of course, they kept coming back every month to ask me if I wanted to discuss what I had learned with them. After a few such visitations, I politely told them I wasn’t interested, and they politely left, and politely never bothered me again. So it was all good, and I have no complaint.
Just tell her to leave you alone! She keeps coming back because you keep answering the door and taking what she hands to you. Of course she keeps coming back. Just stop it!
Tell her you’re gay. I had some JW constantly stop by b/c I am Deaf, and they have a HUGE Deaf ministry, masquarding as generic Jesus stuff. I finally sent them an e-mail implying that I had a very strong reason why I wasn’t religious and that if they continued stopping by, I would get a restraining order against them.
Well of course she wants you, so just get her to wear a paper bag on her head and satisfy her desires. After that, she’ll either decide she doesn’t want you anymore and leave you alone, or decide she REALLY wants you and you can convert her, thereby putting an end to her door-knocking.
research the history of the religion and its founders… theres almost always something “wrong” to ask them.
I got rid of the army recruiters in the 1980s that way. I’d be really interested in the army, but I’m a lesbian communist.
“Sign me up! Say, when do we start killing Jews?”
I do not answer the door if I am not expecting someone. My friends/relatives all know how I feel about unannounced callers and they cooperate. Works for me.
When they come to your door, pretend to be a bean-bag chair.
Eh, I spent too much time as a kid hunching over to walk from room to room, so it would look like “nobody was home” when the Witnesses came calling. My mother was uber polite, and she’d listen every so often. I got a kick out reading their two magazines, “Awake” and “Watchtower.” But when Momma was fresh out of patience and didn’t want to waste time with their dreck, we’d do the “hunch and waddle” until they finally went away.
After I grew up, I decided I wasn’t going to play that game. I was willing to read the stupid magazines (great for entertainment purposes!), but the good JWs CHARGE for them now! So, once they start on the sales pitch, I say, “I have my own faith, thank you. Save your evangelism for the next guy.”
They don’t like that. EVERYONE can be a convert! God is giving them gold stars in Heaven (or whatever), and if your faith IS NOT JW, then you need to get in line!
That’s the time you do the “I need to go” and close the door.
~VOW
DAMN YOU, Exit!!! I wanted to say that!!
The JWs charge now? They did decades ago but then gave it up. Are you sure it was JWs?
You really misunderstand JW theology. Not that that’s the issue here. I get that you don’t want to be bothered. As I said earlier, all you have to say to a JW is, “I don’t want to talk to you. Please don’t come back here.” They’ll note that in their notebook and won’t come back to that address for some specified number of years. They don’t want to waste their time on someone who isn’t interested.
I don’t like people that I don’t know ringing my doorbell either. Not one bit. I don’t answer and don’t give a shit if they see me walking around inside. I honestly think that some people want them to keep coming back so that they have something to complain about and hate on.
Hell, JWs don’t vote. I’d way rather have them in my town than those extreme evangelicals who want to destroy civil rights and make this place a theocracy.
I answered the door with ’ A Salaama Lakim" Told them I was a Muslim. FWIW, I’m a liar not a Muslim.
Better yet, you take her with you and satisfy your desires with her. And you don’t have to put a paper bag on her.
It’s most commonly transliterated as as-salaam-alaikum or as-salamu alaykum
Same here, only I’m a Baptist.