Biblical Prophesy

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

In the beginning was the word.

And the word was stress.

The landlady said, “Let there be stress!”
And there was stress. And she looked upon the stress and sayeth, “It is good.” And then the landlady forsaketh all attempts at privacy and peace.

Then the consulting firm sayeth unto me, “Let there be even greater stress in the land.” The consulting firm rose a fiery fist and said, “Let there be paperwork! And let it never getteth done so that thou shall never receiveth a paycheck!” And the consulting firm looked upon thine frazzled nerves and thine three gray hairs that sprouteth from the stress and sayeth, “It is good.”

And still the boss sayeth, “Nay, there is not great enough stress in this fair land.” So the boss handeth down the decree, “Let all fair maidens be burdened with nitpicking Quality Assurance assholes who have no life. And let those QA assholes take over all that is good and holy and stress free.”

And so it came to pass in the kingdom of the writer that the will of the landlady and the other evil nitwits was done. The fair writer lived in a constant fight-or-flight panic, broken only by short respite in the health club, where the fair writer did kick the shit out of a punching bag and did feel minutely more relaxed for having been violent.

“Behold!” Said the agents of evil stress, “I have given you more than you can handle, and it shall be a test of your resolve to remain calm. You shall tremble under the weight of our load and we will laugh at your attempts to be sane.” But the fair writer did simply smile and say, “Fuck you, agents of evil,” as she began the long, arduous journey to the physician, dispenser of sanity.

And the physician did say, “Let there be Prozac!” And there was Prozac. And it was good. And the writer did laugh in the face of the landlady and the boss and the consulting firm and all others that would thwart her peace.

“Ha!” sayeth she of the quill. “I have numbed myself against your evil ways and you can all go fuck yourselves while I sit and drool all the days of my life.”

-L

2

Hey! I think I just came up with something for the “wierd fantasy” thread!

3

“Lo,” sayeth the gods of anxiety, “Fun shall be unlawful and dates impossible. Thou shall have no company lest it be us, purveyors of terror. Let there be panic attacks! Let there be insomnia.”

And the wicked man, whom last week seemed like a fun date, sayeth, “Hark! Let us just be friends! Nay, it is not you! It is I!”

But the writer bid him no mind, and only swallowed the blue and white pill dutifully. And the writer did note that the blue and white pills worked more completely if swallowed with a couple of glasses of chardonnay.

4

Yea verily, weilder of the quill, that was gloriously humorous.

5

Hey thanks AR! I like you anyway. It’s nice to get compliments when I’m under such a load. Now I like you even more! I’m SO easily “bought!”

-L

6

Heh. Will you stay bought longer if I ask to put this in my rotating sig file?

7

Well…the fact is, I’m permanently bought. I’m not the type to rescind an extension of my “friendship.” So once I find you cool and understanding, it’s pretty much permanent…you’re stuck with me as a pal. However, I’d be honored to be quoted! And evertime I see it, I will laugh my ass off. Is that cool with you?

-L

8

Poor sexy (who at least gets to go on dates). Do not fear.

Landladies can be replaced (although past experience has shown they never improve).
People who fail to provide due pay checks should be burnt very, very slowly, and then charged interest on all that they owe.
The QA people are sorry, but the BOSS say’th if thou’t does not find fault in all that thee beholds, there is no reason to keep thee employed so thou’t will be forever be despised by all, and especially the cute single females with whom you work.

Oh and the wicked man, whom last week seemed like a fun date, meant to say, "Hark! I am unworthy, I must, in dark corners scurry for my ego can not survive in the light that is your presence, woe is me, woe is me, oh woe, for it is me!”

In the mean time enjoy a glass of chardonnay for me. Currently unable to drink due to antibiotics :frowning:

9

And then the Gods of Humor and Knowledge said, “Let there be a message board. It shall be filled with all the thoughts of human kind from the sublime to the ridiculous. Let it be a place where all are excepted regardless of opinion or preference unless they are real jerks then thou shalt ditch them. Let it be place of high philosophy and low comedy with naughty bits too. And the Teemings Millions looked upon what was created and saw that it was good.”

Thanks for sharing Mistress of the Quill. Hope things continue to look up.

10

Dang. I already had too much. Otherwise, I’d take your advice!

-L

11

Pure and utter sweetness.
Well, that’s all I have to say. I guess I’l go over here now…

12

As a fellow QA asshole, I feel I must point out that we wouldn’t be such assholes if the work that was submitted to us wasn’t such crap.

[sub]Ducking, running, apologizing, whimpering in pain.[/sub]

And we’re just full of our own stress born from abject terror of meeting a clan of Illinois farmers in 23 days.

13

Ohh I liked that SexyWriter… it was very cool (though I am sorry about the stress)

And Verrain… I loved this

Can I use it as my sig?

14

As a fellow QA geek: A-fucking-men. And I wouldn’t be a jerk if you could NOT break one piece that’s worked for MONTHS while fixing something else. Grrr.

15

And Soeth say the Ones Who Be Sane, So Ye Merrily have all Regal, Royal, and Legal Rights to Sayeth unto Those Who may Pisseth You Off, “Forsake, Go Asunder, and Fucketh You Off, for Thine Flesh is Unworthy of the Breath of which You Partake”, and So It Shall be Said, to the Landlady, the Boss, and the to Consulting Firm, and All Others that would Thwart Thine Peace. So Sayeth the Shepard. So Sayeth the Flock.

[sub]and as an ISO 9001 freak, drink a whole lot. It can’t hurt![/sub]

16

Hey, I didn’t mean that ALL QA people are assholes. Just the asshole ones. You know…the kind who have 40 minute meetings on the pros and cons of using a dash versus a hyphen in the file naming system. I wasn’t talking about all of you GOOD QA people.

:wink:

-L

17

So the 30-minute meeting I scheduled for 5:30 Friday afternoon on the pros and cons of using a dash versus a hyphen is kosher? Good. I just picked that time for the meeting since I figured everyone would be free. I’ll just have to make sure it doesn’t spill over past 6 pm.

18

You are most welcome to do so, and please recommend me to your friends for all your .sig writing needs. :slight_smile:

19

And then did the Gods of chili, happ’ly and comfortably ensconced in the viscera of Astroboy calleth out; crying, “let there be beer!” And there was beer (saving Astroboy from an odyssey to the village beer-monger to exchange hard-won shells and interesting pieces of rock for the aforementioned beverage)!

And it was good!

The chili Gods then belched mightily (well, someone did anyways!:stuck_out_tongue: ), and called forth unto Astroboy: “Thou! Hey, Thou!! You there, laying on the bed holding your belly and groaning! Yes, Thou!!! We’re talking to Thou, fool!”

And Astroboy looketh up, emitting gaseous vapors from a multitude of places, and, tears flowed copiously from his eyes as he replied: “What wouldst Thou have of me now? Have I not, in sooth, given enough this 'eve? E’en now doth my intestines writhe in worship of Thine glory!”

The chili Gods rumbled, causing Astroboy to moan again and emit further gaseous vapors, and called they forth: “Thou, fool Astroboy, hast gorged thyself at thy own peril! But we have further work for you this eve… Ye must op’n MPSIMS and spew forth beer upon thy keyboard 'ere we are finished with our design!”

And it was so. And it was… well, sticky, frankly! :smiley:

20

[cool YB voice]So let it written. So let it be done.[/cool YB voice]