"Big Brother" would be more interesting if...

In My Humble Opinion
1

CBS’s reality show “Big Brother” could be made more interesting and entertaining if:

…they had to share the house with a powerful predator who had to be kept constantly fed or he would eat a housemate.

…the house were flooded ankle-deep at the beginning, and over the course of the show, the water level slowly rose.

…the meals were spiked with powerful aphrodisiacs.

…the entire house were mounted on gimbals, so each morning when they woke up, the house had rotated: the floor is now the wall, etc.

…one of the housemates were a secret “Big Brother” plant who screwed with the contestants and couldn’t be voted out.

…hallucinogens were permitted.

…none of the contestants understood or spoke any other contestant’s language.

…their only source of food were the corpses of each successively voted-out contestant.

…the challenges, instead of being about potato clocks and exercise bikes, centered on such concepts as “G-spot” and “rimming.”

…two words: angry bees.

…the house were populated by the television executives who came up with the damn thing.

Any more?

2

It had more interesting characters:

A female skinhead
The Khalid Muhammed follower who was booted off.
An Israeli Commando
A PETA member
A slaughterhouse worker
A severly retarded person who cursed constantly and masturbated in public.
A “psychic friends” telephone operater
A suicidal teen
Ed O’niell, staying in character as Al Bundy from “Married with Children”
Jeri Ryan, staying in character as seven of nine, from “Voyager”
a very, very quiet man, from texas state penitentiary, death row.
an ex-gay
a drag queen
a Taliban policeman
Chyna, from the WWF
Dennis Miller
Roseanne Barr
Stephen Wright
Stephen Hawking
Stephen King
Blixa Bargeld, with guitar
Lemmy, with bass
a drum machine
Britny spears
A creationist
David B
Cindi Margolis
The dog from frasier
Cecil Adams

3

One thing could make the show more interesting; by making it a battle to the death. Last one alive, gets the money. Then the damn boring show would be more interesting, and not be on for 3 months.

4

A raging gasoline fire in the dining room and a series of randomly placed land mines through out the house.

5

Razor-edged Q-tips
Demons poring from a gate to hell in the basement
“but first, the whores!”

6

One of the characters gets a cage put on his head, with a hungry rat in it.

7

When someone was voted out the remaining members should be forced to subdue them, drag the condemned to a bloody stump, and lob off their heads with an antique broadsword while screaming, “There can be only ONE!”

8

Add to the cast:

A sociopathic talking rabbit.
A naieve, optimitstic talking ferret.
An alien secretary.

9

Victory Cigarettes.
Victory Chocolate.
Victory Vodka.

The Two-Minute Hate.

10

AND the rat! We must have the rat in a cage on his head!

Rat! RAT! RAT!

11

Fucking

12

I totally agree with this one. That’d be way hilarious.

I’d also like it if…

  • there was a nudist.
  • someone with tourette syndrome.
  • a rabbi.
  • a nun.
  • about every hour, for a few minutes, the smell of fecal matter would be emitted into the room.
  • muzzled rabid pitbulls would be released daily for a few minutes.
13

*there was only one bathroom and the toilet got clogged up on the first day and no one knew how to fix it.

*a beehive on top of someone’s head that they weren’t allowed to take off, filled with angry bees.

*one of the people talked to everyone else through a puppet that was continually on their hand.

*have a big parrot sitting in the corner that repeats really stupid phrases to drive everyone nuts.

14

A staff member puts on the mask from Scary Movie & wakes everyone up.

15

2sense: ROFLMAO! Oh, I am so stoked for the Highlander 4 movie coming out in September.

16

Make the house so that go get anywhere, you have to go through one particular room. If any 2 people are in that room at the same time, they must have sex.

Now THAT would be interesting!

17

Push in the walls by 4 inches every night, so each room gets maller every day.

And I like Dragwyr’s idea alot too.

18

By maller I actually mean smaller.

19

What they really need is true audience participation. I say wire some electrodes to these folks so we can zap them online any time they do or say something stupid. Or whenever we feel like it. The more people zapping an individual at a particular time means that individual gets a larger voltage.

Or, if that didn’t work, secretly replace various objects every night while the contestants sleep. Tobasco in the ketchup bottle, cold cream in the toothpaste, hair dye in the shampoo, Ex-Lax in the browies, that sort of thing.

Last one to go insane wins!

20

  • Between the hours of say 12 Noon and 6 PM everyone must speak in Pig Latin.

  • Allow hazing of each individual member

  • 2 words: Indoor Paintball