I’m thinking that the sect leader from Kansas is responsible for JJ’s lack of fingernails (or possibly via clashes with that sect and the Greens?), and a new big player is in store for this season to try and replace (no one can replace Harry Dean Stanton) Roman. My hope: Gary Oldman.
Insights from an exmormon:
I didn’t post anything for last week’s episode. Doper Big Love fans may recall that I regularly posted exmormon commentary each week to explain insider jokes and motivations of characters that are based in LDS doctrine.
Before I start, though, let me make something clear: The Henricksons do not practice mainstream mormonism, nor do they practice FLDS. The religion they practice falls somewhere in between. The doctrine, however, of the mainstream LDS comes from the exact same source(s) as FLDS, and the Henricksons’ own delightful brand of “mormonism.” It all stems from Joseph Smith and his insatiable quest to bang young girls.
So, starting from last week, the only mormon-y thing I noticed was right at the beginning of the episode, where the Henricksons’ were sitting in “church.” (Does two families make a church? I dunno…) That was called a “Fast and Testimony meeting” and its purpose is different depending on whether you are an active believing mormon (TBM = True Believing Mormon) or you are an exmormon apostate like myself. I see the purpose as that of mind control: It is a cult tactic to repeat your belief system over and over publicly among other believers. The act of repetition reinforces your beliefs.
Real mormons do sometimes use the testimony meeting to make a point, or get in a passive aggressive dig in at someone, much like Barb did to Sarah. Please note, not all mormons act that way and some really are just testifying or witnessing to their beliefs because that act makes them feel good. So I was amused at Barb using the testimony platform to serve her agenda of pressuring Sarah to make the choices that Barb wants – as opposed to pressuring her daughter to make her own choices based on what she believes is good for herself.
Now, in this week’s episode, I saw a lot of exmormon or postmormon issues addressed and brought up. I will probably have to watch the episode again tonight and come back and post more, but right off the top of my head:
• Nikki’s little speech about how a non-temple marriage is just awful.
That is absolutely what happens in the mormon church: girls are raised to believe that a non temple marriage is akin to becoming a prostitute and you cannot possibly get to the highest level of heaven (the Celestial Kingdom) unless you have been married in the temple to a worthy priesthood holder. Nikki has no idea that non mormon marriages are stable, happy, productive, and not the loneliest, most horrible moments of a woman’s life. She was brainwashed from birth to believe what she believes. So typical of adult mormon women to trash Sarah’s decision to marry secularly: if Sarah isn’t conforming to the cookie cutter mold of what a mormon woman should be, then they must apply every manner of pressure upon her to get her back in line. Which brings us to Barb, and the poster who said, “Geez, everything isn’t about you.”
• Barb thinks everything is about her. She was taught that her only value on this earth and in the afterlife, is as a wife and mother. If she fails to bring all her children up as faithful mormons, who then in turn practice mormonism to the letter, then she fails as a parent. She, also, cannot get to the Celestial Kingdom in the afterlife because her daughter has apostacized and married outside the church, to a, gasp, EXmormon. Good hell.
• The interview with the Stake President. A Stake President is like whichever Catholic guy is in charge of a diocese. The Ward is the local church building and the Stake consists of several wards, all based upon population within the geographic designations for that particular unit. (So, in this city, there are 4 wards, and when you add in maybe another 6-8 wards or branches within 100 mile radius, you get enough attendees to make up a Stake. In Utah, for example, a ward might be one city block and a stake might be one subdivision. There are probably 50 stakes in Salt Lake City, but there might be 2-3 in all of North Florida.) Yes, church leaders ask prying, intrusive questions. Why Barb and Bill would choose to lie like dogs to get their memberships back… makes no sense. And they cannot just start attending meetings and be reinstated as members in good standing. They have to take the lessons from the missionaries (again), they have to be interviewed and deemed worthy of baptism, and they have to be re-baptised into the church. They would be required to forsake all polygamy in order to do this, as mainstream LDS do not practice polygamy despite it still being part of their canon.
• The strange burial of Roman Grant in the dead of night. Really? I’m surprised none of you questioned that. Who holds funerals in the middle of the night? 
Well… Joseph Smith was buried in the middle of the night, so Roman’s funeral was a nod to his status as “prophet.”
• Prophet vs. Senator? Whatever. That plot line holds very little interest to me at all. I’m more concerned with how the doctrine is dealt with by each of the characters, depending on their status within or outside of the LDS church.
Hit me with questions and I’ll try to post more tomorrow if I glean any other little gems that seem noteworthy.
How about the crab legs vs salmon issue?
I wonder what Barb thinks about oysters and snails…
Crab Legs v. Salmon: I think that might have an appearances issue.
A lot of mormonism is about checking off certain “musts” off your list (Go to BYU, Get married in temple, go on a mission, make 6.4 babies, live in a giant mcmansion that is identical to every other mcmansion on the block, attend your meetings, pay 10% of your income, etc). Everybody has the same list and if you don’t check off all those things, then you are less worthy, nobody will want you, and you will die lonely and bored and miserable without a temple wife/husband. So many mormons get very caught up in appearances for appearance’s sake and lose sight of what’s really important.
In this case, I think Barb insisted on the crab legs because that is a more expensive item to get, therefore, it would make the casino seem more exclusive. It would give mormon families, presumably patrons of this new “family” casino (a concept that just makes me laugh) a way to feel as though they are high society, like they’re really rubbing elbows with Important People, because really, they can get salmon everywhere, but how often do they get to eat as many crab legs as they want?!!! ZOMG!!1!!
Many mormon families have too many kids, too soon, and they do that on one income (because women are worthless unless they are making more babies, so they are discouraged from working). If salmon is inexpensive and easy to come by, then crab legs is what you want to offer huge families who rarely can squeeze out the extra money to take the kids out to casino night.
(Honestly, I can’t square up “mormon” with “casino.” They don’t believe in gambling and some hard-line families ban the use of face cards in their homes, like to play gin-rummy and other nongambling games. It’s not just the booze or lack of hookers and blow… I dunno. Most of Bill’s brilliant ideas make no sense to me but I think that’s because he’s a Lost Boy and his thinking is twisted from the mindfuck he endured.)
Back to the crabs v. salmon: Over on the postmormon and exmormon boards (there are several different websites for we apostates), I see a lot of people complain about wedding receptions. Basically, some church members will use a buffet as a cheap easy way to fill up their kids’ bellies without any respect or regard for whether they know the marrying couple at all. Large mormon families have been known to take advantage of free food wherever they can find it and AYCE = free food ('cause their kids get more to eat than if they ordered a la carte only what they could afford).
I laughed hard at that scene, because I could picture the many herds of mormon kids tearing through a crab leg buffet like they were endangered or something… Crab legs would be a major treat for any mormon family with more than 3-4 kids, and therefore, a major draw. So that was actually a smart marketing move, to insist on the exotic over the commonplace (and local, sustainable fare).
Good question!
Oh, yeah, re: Ben getting weirded out by the wine at dinner. 
I cannot tell you how many threads I have read on the exmo/postmo boards about this very topic. Time and time again, the TBM family is visiting the apostate. The apostate is in a pickle: should I hide my coffee machine? Should I hide the booze? Can I have my glass of wine with dinner, or should I drink Kool Aid while my mom is here? What if my mom disowns me because I like coffee with breakfast? (Yes, that is a reasonable question and yes, it happens. I know how ridiculous that sounds. But it does.)
I mean, exmos/postmos turn themselves into knots over this stuff. Mostly, that’s because some mormons will take “I disagree with you about this doctrine banning coffee so I’m drinking it” as a personal attack, i.e., “You have turned your back on everything you’ve ever known and loved and I don’t even know who you are anymore. Coffee? What’s next? Hookers and blow after soccer practice? Why do you hate me? Why are you doing this to me?”
Which is, IIRC, exactly what Barb said to Sarah about her decision not to marry in “dad’s church.” Barb took it as a personal affront that Sarah did not want the same things, the same marriage, in her life that Barb had. “It was good enough for me, but it’s not good enough for you.” Consider what the self-esteem of an adult mormon woman must be like after she’s had it drilled into her head since she was 3 that the only value a woman ever has is as a temple-married wife and mommy. So when that mormon woman’s daughter chooses the opposite, and the mom’s self-esteem is wrapped up in how well she raises her kids to be good little TBMs… then the mom’s failure as a parent, and as a person becomes apparent. The coffee thing is like a microcosm of the same issue.
I remember turning myself in knots over that stuff when I first left the church. I was smoking and my parents came to visit, so I had to decide if I was going to just quit cold turkey while they were there or if I had the spine to own up to my smoking. As it turned out, I had the spine to own up to my smoking. (I sat 'em down and said, “Well. I smoke. Do you want me to lie to you and hide it, or can we all just be adults and I’ll be considerate and not smoke inside the house while you are here?” They chose “let’s be adults.” Bless them.) Consequently, my parents respected me for making my own decisions and they do not say a word about the coffee maker on the counter or the many cases of wine collected in my house, or the liquor bottles on top of the fridge.
Not all exmos/postmos are so fortunate – my parents are some of the *cool *ones, although it makes me shudder to say that out loud. People have disowned their adult children because of a glass of wine ordered at dinner, or worse, because they saw someone at Starbuck’s (and didn’t bother to find out if the person was drinking hot cocoa or herbal tea because all mormons should be avoiding the appearance of evil). The drama that ensues when a parent thinks, or sees evidence, that she or he has lost control of their adult children… you wouldn’t believe it.
And that’s the crux of the no caffeine thing. The scripture actually says nothing about caffeine; it specifically bans hot drinks. Somehow, only coffee got demonized and vilified over the years. Hot chocolate is still de rigeur with mormons. Regardless of what their canon says, that part of mormon doctrine is all about control: dictating everyday lifestyle choices for its members, reducing them to infantilized busybees, and reducing their capacity to think for themselves and make their own decisions. When you control what kind of underwear people wear and what beverages they choose, it’s not a difficult stretch to imagine that you can also control what they do with their money.
Anyway, Ben’s little freak out was nothing compared to what I’ve read, in terms of how some mormons will react to their siblings/family members/loved ones pulling away from the church. People get violently threatened when they believe their little illusion of control is about to be shattered.
All that said… I am dying to hear Sarah have a little talk with Nikki about struggling with beliefs. That would be awesome. I want to see Nikki at the next exmo meeting. Heh.
Thank you Dogzilla, for the interesting insight.
One thing that confuses me about Barb is that she likes to think of herself as more progressive than the “compound trash” - and I while I suppose Sarah should be glad that she’s not in the Joy Book, it seems that Barb should have a little more understanding considering what she’s gone through with her own family. Although, I will give her credit, she didn’t threaten to disown Sarah or act nasty- just profoundly sad and disappointed.
Re JJ and his missing fingernails–nail avulsion is a symptom of selenium poisoning. JJ refused to eat Nikki’s coleslaw, citing a little problem with cruciferous vegetables. Wanda and Nikki have always been very close, to the point of conspiratorial. I think JJ is wise not to eat food his ex or his sister have made for him.
Anyone recognize the name of the hymn they were singing during Roman’s burial?
Yes, usually I know all the hymns… forgot the name of that one though. I’ll get back to you on that one.
Just so you know… for the most part, mormons have their own hymnal. There might be a handful of traditional Christian hymns (which rarely get sung in church), but most were written by a mormon, for mormon services.
What this means to me is: if I happen to be in a traditionally Christian situation – like a wedding in someone’s church – I never recognize the hymns that “all” Christians know. Never heard 'em before. Unless the song happens to be one of the five that got stuck into the mormon hymnal.
Google for “Hie Thee to Kolob.” Good times. 
You’re welcome and I think sometimes that Barb really isn’t all for polygamy. It’s possible that her issue with the compound “trash” is because we’re talking about forced polygamy with minors. Thus, you see the look on Nikki’s face while she was watching Sarah’s joy at being married to the guy she loves and chose for herself. Nikki’s been married twice, has three children, and never chose any of it for herself. Even Fundie mormons aren’t really into forcing minors to marry old men.
I’d cry too.
While I agree with you that she could be more understanding, I’d say Barb really seems to be middle-of-the-road. She did accept Sarah’s wedding and she stayed right there to witness it. Some mormon moms would have stalked out in a huff, crying about what Sarah is doing to her. She worked on Sarah once or twice and then just gave it up. Bill would have undermined her if she’d managed to be successful in manipulating Sarah into a temple marriage; he always does. I think it’s hard to be compassionate and understanding when your own eternal salvation is in jeopardy because your adult child made a choice you couldn’t control.
Since about the middle of season two - we hadn’t watched the show until recently but caught up over this winter - I have been saying that their polygamy is like a superhero’s secret identity. At the beginning of the story, it’s vital that nobody know about it. Then, for dramatic effect, the hero is forced to admit it and stand behind his actions. It’s a big moment. And then for various reasons he’ll have to do it again and again. The audience is asked to accept that the secret identity thing is a big deal, but really, tons of people know the truth and anyone who was interested could figure it out quickly by asking anyone who knows the hero.
That’s where Big Love is at with the polygamy. They have told, or been caught by, a lot of people, and in reality plenty of those people would have blabbed. The “Home Plus + Plus + Plus” thing was on a huge billboard on a busy street, for crying out loud. So their lifestyle can hardly be called a secret as it is.
Marley23: Nice! I like it.
I’m curious when the neighbors across the street, the one’s that can’t have any kids, will join Bill’s church. I actually like the wife, I hope she is still on the show.
That would be great! I believe I recognize the tune at least from my Quaker/Catholic upbringing. It seems that most sects have altered hymns to suit their fancy.
Thanks. And thank you for the very informative posts. One of the things I do find interesting about this show is how the women in the plural marriages compete over little things to try to gain any kind of advantage or approval. You see it with the Henricksons all the time but it’s even more pronounced when we get to see Juniper Creek.
For a very detailed account of the competition and struggles for power among sister wives, check out “Escape” by Carolyn Jessop. Eye opening.
Just wanted to post to thank Dogzilla for the eye-opening insight. Very much appreciated.
Friend Dogzilla,
I really appreciate your posts with insight into what is going on in the background of this show.
True. And even without all that, do any of them honestly think that whoever outed them when Barb was up for Mother of the Year or defaced the billboards wouldn’t do it again when Bill was running for public office? Really? I mean, sure, they assume Roman outed them before, but iirc he never confirmed or denied that. If it wasn’t him, whoever it was is still out there, with this damaging information that they’re obviously willing to use against the family. And even if it was him, they have no reason to think Alby wouldn’t do the same thing. The whole thing is just completely insane if you give it 30 seconds’ thought.
Of course, this group isn’t really given to stopping and thinking for 30 seconds before making a decision, so that’s nothing new. Especially with Bill–he just blithely assumes that because he wants something it’s a fabulous idea that everyone else will just adore, and off he goes to set things in motion.
I take it you’ve never heard the old joke about Baptist Heaven being a place where you can speak to the preacher when you run into him at the liquor store? Just because a religious group doesn’t believe in something, that doesn’t mean there’s not a significant number of them who quietly do it anyway, so I can see a Mormon casino in a place you have no other reason to doing quite well. After all, if you run into someone you know there, you know they can’t rat you out without ratting on themselves at the same time. That’s why Baptists go to actual liquor stores or out to the county line to buy their beer–anybody from church who’s there is there for the exact same reason they are.