I know I am in serious danger of over posting here in this lovely forum but I just have to say a few words about Big Mouth Billy Bass. Yep that one. The mounted bass that sings.
It was really amusing for 30 seconds after I first saw and heard this moronic device, but now it’s just plain inanely stupid. I try to avoid the fucking thing on TV commericals but now it’s in department stores everywhere I go!! I went to a local clothing store today and there it was singing “Don’t worry be happy” the entire fucking time I was in there! Then I went to Sears ( a mistake anytime) and guess what? Yep! Big Mouth Billy Bass was there but he wasn’t alone…no no no there was a fucking catfish in there on the self with him!!! The Cool Singing Catfish or some such shit. What the fuck! There is actually a choice of singing fish to choose from???
I took a moment and asked the clerk if she was sick of hearing BMBB all day where she works and she confided to me in a restrained and venomous voice that it was cruel and unusual punishment but that they were selling and she couldn’t take down the display.
Later we stopped on the way home to get gas at an Easy Mart and I went in to pay and guess what? That’s right. Big Mouth Billy Bass was right up there on the counter singing to every customer that tripped the motion recording mechanism.
If someone gives me one of those for christmas I getting a fucking gun.
My first experience with a BMBB was at a Target store in Buffalo. You don’t forget something like this. I as well thought it was cute - for almost a minute. Longer than aha (Come on aha, there are 2 songs to get through - have some patience…). Then I started to get physically ill by the damn thing. However, I had the premonition then and there of “fad” and that this piece of overpriced shit would be everywhere before too long.
Lo and behold, this past summer. This ugly display of “some people will buy anything” was on display at a craft store up by the family cottage. My mother had one in her hand threatening to buy one saying it was “cute” and “fun”. I asked her to spend 10 minutes with the thing first. Thankfully, she left after 6…
Not just Billy – a local store has a singing turkey and a ribbeting frog.
Every family has to have at least one of these things for holiday get-togethers. Like you said, it’s good for a laugh. Then put it in the basement with the singing Christmas tree and the singing Coca-Cola can and the parrot with the tape-recorder that plays back your voice and the Taco Bell dog that talks when you pinch his ear, and wait to see what comes out next year. (And wish you’d thought of it.)
These aren’t meant to be family heirlooms – just a few minutes of cheap fun.
Anyone want my goose that honks whenever someone walks in front of him? How about the dog that does somersaults?
All told, I’d say we’ve had, oh, about two hours of giggles over the last ten years from these things. Priceless.
For Halloween he came stripped to his bones. It don’t know which is grosser, a singing skeleton or a that false fish flesh moving.
According to the TV the other night (Hollywood Squares or something), Queen Elizabeth has a BMBB mounted by her piano and sings along with it. The more contact I have with the toilet habits and peccadillos of the rich and famous the more I believe it.
Well if your luck is bad enough–leading you to run into multiple singing Big Mouth Feltching Basses in a single day (::shudder::), Murphy’s Law says you will recieve one for Christmas.
Hehe, I’d like to get one of those for Christmas. So I could pour gasoline all over da fucker and light 'im up!!! :evil, sadistic grin:
There’s also Travis Trout. It sings better songs (Do Wah Diddy and Don’t Rock the Boat) but I still want to kill it.
And the kicker is that my boyfriend bought it. Goaded on my one of my really good friends. They’re nuts.
Although, I have threatened him with DEATH if (since the motion sensor works by light) we’re in his room and decide to turn the lights off (why? use your imagination) and the damn thing starts SINGING…
Not only did we have Big Mouth Billy Bass, but after we sold out of those we got the “Talking Catfish,” which has 40 phrases, and sings “Bad To The Bone.” We also have the “Caddyshack Gopher” which sings and dances. Words cannot express my hatred for those stupid, stupid things. Especially after spending 7 hours of my 8 1/2 hour shift by a register that is right next to the display. We (my co-workers and I) finally figured out how to turn the motion sensor thing off, and it didn’t help, everybody that walked by would press the button to turn it on anyway.
Besides Billy, Dead Billy, the catfish, the turkey, there’s also a “Rocky Lobster,” and I’m sure another few hundred variations. The turkey is by far the creepiest, with its rubbery head planted on a board the way no stuffed turkey would be displayed. Ick. Kind of like the BBQ joints that put up pictures of cute little piggies and cows and chickens saying “Eat me, I’m cute!”
Please tell me you people are kidding. When Walgreen’s dropped the price twice and they finally showed up in Andy’s Garage Sale I thought that would be the end of those things.
I have seen singing Big Mouth Billy Bass, Billy Bass bones,and singing trout. Nothing compares to the horror that is my niece’s singing teddy bear. It sings “Jesus loves me” (at high volume) when the wind blows across it just right. I have to put up with this thing every time she comes to visit (which is often). Don’t get me wrong, I love my niece…but have you ever seen a grown man sneaking through the house afraid that his every move may set this thing off? I feel like a soldier picking my way through a mine field in my own house. Don’t even get me started on the talking Pokemon.
I almost ran into a woman at Wal-Mart last night because I was distracted by a singing duck. I think his name was Dick the Duck, which would also be a great name for a game show.
My father and brother-in-law have an ongoing contest to see who can get who the worst gift for Christmas, and then they pretend to like the gifts. In the past 3 years, Jim has received from my father, the god-awful ugliest bathrobe in the world, a pair of frog slippers complete with eyes bulging at the top by the toes, and a t-shirt with a picture showing “Your Dick on Drugs”
Jim and I share a philosophy that ugly shit is kinda cool (I have a taxidermied bullfrog band and if anyone wants to see my technicolor tux, just ask and I’ll send you a link to a pic), so these have all back fired on my dad. So this year, he’s not going for ugly, he’s going for annoying.
Jim is getting the Big Mouth Billy Bass. I’m just waiting to see if Jim tries to act like he likes this one too and hangs it on the wall. If he does, my mom and I are already taking bets as to how long after Jim hangs BMBB before my sister throws it in the attic or a closet.
