Hey guys. (sigh) Well, it’s nearing quite a painful day. September 9th - (shivers) It wasn’t always that way, however…it used to be a day of profound celebration - parties, people all over the place, balloons…and best of all, my little brother. I want so badly for him to be a part of my latter teenage years…and, in a way - he very much so IS…but only if I believe it. Last year, August 20th, I lost a part of me - the part that was so incredibly spectacular, the part that made me Ashie - “LittleStar” - but…who am I now? Feeling lost and alone, I dread tomorrow…my little brother, Adam’s, birthday. He would have been ten years old - he wished with all of his might to one day be a professional baseball player…and fuck it all, he could have been. He had the heart, the spirit - the smile. What now? What am I left to do? I search for memories, and all I find is Doctors, ICU, and struggled smiles. He would sit up in his bed, no matter how sick, and blow me a kiss - everytime, without fail. He was always so warm, so loving - so accepting of it all. I can’t understand it…he had barely lived nine years, and he already had the maturity and understanding most people never find in an entire lifetime…And what am I left to say? I wish I had said “I love you” one more time…just once. I’d give my world for just one more hug…one more second…one more kiss, one more hug… Adam - I love you - always…no distance could ever shade my love for you.I want you to know that, wherever you are… Happy Birthday, my “Big Star”.
I’m very sorry, LittleStar. All I can say is that if your brother lives on in your heart, then he lives forever.
I’m sorry LittleStar. Words seem so inadequat ein the face of such a loss.
He was so obviously loved and I bet he loved his big sister too.
Just try to find some time to remember the fun you had together sometime. It will hurt and you may cry but rejoice in what he got to do not what he could have done.
{{{{{LittleStar}}}}}
It’s been a little over a year since I lost my mom Littlestar. I know how much it hurts to lose someone you love. And even though life can be unfair there’s always someone somewhere who cares about you. I’m sure your brother is happy knowing what a great big sister he has.
It always brought a smile to my face thinking about all the fond memories I have of my mother. You should do that. Just remember the times you two were together. It may hurt a bit but it won’t hurt as much if you try to forget. Life can be unfair but we try to make do with what we’re given right?
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Ashlyn, I know how much Adam means to you. Don’t ever feel alone…you’ve got friends that will do all they can for you. I’m always here for you to support you and help you whenever you need it, whether you need to talk or a steady shoulder to cry on. {{{{Ashlyn}}}}
I’m sure he knew how much you loved him and that it made his world that much brighter. People are oft times mirrors, LittleStar, and if he was that happy, warm, and full of love, then he knew how loved he was by those around him. I wish you strength and smiles tomorrow, may your brother’s love make you stronger.
{{{{{{{LittleStar}}}}}}}}}
::hugs LittleStar::
Here is one big hug for LittleStar - the most radiant, shining, and real person I know.
And here is one big prayer for BigStar. I’ll never forget that smile, that spirit, and the love I saw in you.
Hugs for all, especially Ashlyn.
I was hoping this would be a cool story about Alex Chilton’s band.
Bummer. God bless.
Yer pal,
Satan - Commissioner, The Teeming Minions
*I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Four months, four weeks, two days, 13 hours, 32 minutes and 45 seconds.
6102 cigarettes not smoked, saving $762.82.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 4 hours, 30 minutes.
*“I’m a big Genesis fan.”-David B. (Amen, brother!) **
SDMB, home of the biggest shoulders in the world. And they’re all at your disposal, sweetie. Thoughts and prayers out to you. God bless you.
Yup, it’s hard, isn’t it? My sister was killed in a car accident in 1983, and here it is 17 years later (God, has it been that long?!?) and her birthday and the anniversary of her death are hard to get through. And at least a few other times during the year I get extremely angry that she died - God damn it, I want my sister back!
Hang in there, LittleStar. I can’t really say it gets better, but wouldn’t you rather deal with the hurt than have never had him at all? You got nine years with him… treasure those memories.