I am getting married in June. I am also going to remain childfree. At the present time for various medical reasons, I cannot get snipped, but I hope to be able to within 1 year. My future bride is taking the pill, which states it has a less than 1% failure rate.
I am scared to death that we are going to be the 1% that fail…in which case I will absolutely go insane. Seriously, if I know I am going to have a child, I will completely lose it.
I am considering using condoms in addition to her pill. Am I overreacting? Can I reduce the risk of conception any further? Is just the pill enough? She has pledged that she will take it correctly 100% of the time and I trust her implicitly.
This is the most important issue in my life right now…99% contraceptive success rate is not an option for me.
Well, IANAD, and your doctor is the best advisor, but:
Sure, you can cut your risks even further wn by asking your bride to also use a diaphragm, and you could in addition to that use a condom. There are also means for a woman to test whether she is ovulating or not, but they are a bit of a pain. Whether going through all that is worth it is not for anyone else but the two of you to judge.
Bear in mind that there is NO method short of removal of the ovaries or uterus or complete abstinence that is 100% guaranteed. The “snip” operation probably has an infinitesimally small rate of failure, but not zero. Even women who have had tubal ligations occasionally conceive anyway, and there you’re talking about one cell, not a whole army of the little swimmers.
Some of the cases of the Pill “failing” are due to a woman who actually forgot a pill and then forgot that she forgot, or was not taking it absolutely according to directions.
Also, that 1% is of everyone who is taking the pill, over all the time that they are taking it.
Again, the two of you should ask your respective doctors.
i’ve been on birth control for five years and haven’t had any failure yet.
just something to keep in mind… some medications will cause the pills to not work. mainly antibiotics. many women don’t know this. ask the doctor whenever she gets prescribed anything as to whether or not it will effect the birth control.
I have been on the Pill for 13 years straight and have never conceived. To me, that’s pretty damn good. I do have friends who have gotten pregnant on the pill, but they (yeah, I asked for the same reasons you are freaking out)
a) forgot to take a few pills
b) took antibiotics without using a backup method
c) threw up a few pills when they had the stomach flu
d) left their pills under the hot light of the bedside lamp (yes, I know, scary-- tell your wife to keep her pill case CLOSED)
If you’re really paranoid, have her get a diaphragm. I think that will pretty much ensure no conception. I remind you as reassurance that in THIRTEEN YEARS I have had no accidents.
Abortion is not an option. It is completely absolutely out of the question for both of us.
“What if she becomes pregnant?” is a question we are discussing right now. If it is not possible to reduce the chance of conception to zero, and by some incredible stroke of bad luck my future bride should conceive, then we will have to make do. I won’t be too happy about it, but it will be what it will be.
Phouchg
Lovable Rogue
You can’t “reduce the chance of conception to zero,” unless you are abstinent, so forget that.
I don’t think you’re overreacting by using multiple contraceptive methods if you really really don’t want to conceive.
It seems that it would be easy to add “natural” birth control to your arsenal. If you know which days she is fertile, you can avoid sex on those days and gain some peace of mind. Of course “natural” birth control is not foolproof–not even close–but since her cycles are being regulated by the pill, then it should be easier to figure out when her fertile days are (except she’s not fertile if she’s on the pill, but you know what I mean.)
Natural family planning would not really work with the Pill, since you’re not supposed to be ovulating while on it anyway.
I actually think it’s a great idea to use a condom with the Pill…I wish that it was a routine recommendation to use a backup method of contraception (especially teenagers).
Nothing is 100%, but using two methods for the rare occasion when one might fail is certainly a logical way to minimize the risk.
A vasectomy IS the most effective birth control currently available (even more effective than a tubal ligation, though a tubal comes pretty close). If it’s physically impossible for you to get a vasectomy, you might want to ask your wife to look into Essure, a safer and less invasive form of female sterilization which appears to be more effective than the more traditional methods of tubal ligation (see http://www.essure.com for more info).
Tried Depo-provera? I think someone else mentioned it, too. You don’t have to worry about missing it, and if she has rough monthlies, they’ll most likely go away. You could use Depo and a condom, and be pretty much safe…
If something happens (breakage) you can use the morning-after pill as backup also.
Talk to your doctors, or go to your local Planned Parenthood. They’re great with this kind of thing, and can help you work out what’s best for both of you.
and as far as that “less than 1%”…well, I’m one of those. darn antibiotics…Mom didn’t know.
IMO, if you truly want to remain childfree and abortion isn’t an option, then you should plan to use several forms of birth control for the rest of your life and still be prepared to perhaps one day become a parent.
Honestly, what lengths you go to, to avoid impregnating your SO is a pretty good measure of how important remaining childfree is to you.
If abortion isn’t an option, I would use a backup form of contraceptive even after you get the vasectomy, as they have been known to occasionally reverse (even after the all-clear). I would definitely be using at least two methods before the vasectomy, if not more. But in the end, it’s up to how strongly you feel about it.
Just wanted to add, I religiously take the BC pill. I have missed it only once (long-haul flight, stuffed up the time difference) in 8 years. I watch for vomiting or diarrhea like a hawk and assume any medication affects it adversely. I still fell pregnant. It can happen, even when you do everything correctly.
I take the Pill. My SO uses a condom. Sex simply does not happen if either of these conditions is not in place. For instance, if I get sick, and have to take antibiotics, we don’t have sex. If we are feeling frisky, but don’t have any condoms handy, we don’t have sex.
Some people think it’s crazy; I disagree. It just takes a little bit of planning and responsibility. It certainly isn’t overkill. I’m in school right now (college), and having a kid right at this moment would make my life much, much more difficult, regardless of whether or not I got an abortion, or miscarried, or got married earlier, ot whatever.
If it’s really important to you, do as much as humanly possible to keep it from happening. That’s not overreacting–that’s responsible. And, if it happens anyway, at least you know that you did everything you could to keep it from happening.
Lemon juice is a good natural contraceptive believe it or not. If ever a condom broke, that is what I would be rushing to buy. Australian scientists also believe lemon juice could prevent AIDS.
I would go for the pill/condom combo. Another one here who has been on the pill for 12 years, no problems. I didn’t stop using condoms as backup until my husband and I got married 1.5 years ago. I’m asking for him to get a vasectomy for my 30th birthday so I just don’t have to worry any more.
Once again, there is no 100% method other than to abstain.
About Depo-Provera:
it is 99.7% effective
should be started in the first 5 days of her period
is effective immediately and lasts for 3 months http://www.depo-provera.com/
I love this shot, but it isn’t right for everyone. I love not having my period. I love not having to remember to take my pills at a certain time. I feel very secure that I won’t become pregnant on the shot. In an earlier thread, I stated that I had been using this shot for 2 years, but upon actually counting back, I have been using it for 5 years now.
Back to your OP. If you are determined that this is not the time for a pregnancy, combining birth control methods is the best way to go. None of them are 100% effective, but using them together will increase you chances of pregnancy even further. Enjoy your wedding, enjoy your honeymoon. The odds are very much in your favor that a pregnancy won’t occur.