Sorry, I know, kind of an old discussion. About as old as mankind! :o
Was wondering if Dopers had any ideas about contraception.
My girlfriend and I (I’m a male widower 44, she’s divorced, 37,no kids between us), are continuing to have difficulty finding the best way of avoiding pregnancy while enjoying sex. We both hate condoms. No disrespect to anyone employed by the condom industry, etc. I’m a social worker in NYC, and I completely appreciate their importance RE: preventing STDs, AIDS, unplanned pregnancy, & so forth, but they just don’t work for either of us. The reduced sensation just creates alot of frustration for us both (sorry if TMI). We’re monogomous breeders, and she can’t use the various pills for hormonal reasons. She’s worked with her OBGYN to find something that works for her with no luck. We’ve also tried vaginal contraceptive jells, but she gets yeast infections or bad reactions from them.
We absolutely respect people who want to have kids and can care for them, but we know thats just not us. (don’t want to turn this into a kids vs no kids thing at all). I’m prepared to get a vasectomy, I hear it’s no big deal, but my girlfriend thinks that would be drastic. Any ideas? Gets stressful at the end of each month when she’s “late” :eek:
Thanks all for listening!
Female condom?
Neuter or spay one of you? 
EDIT: Upon some actual thought, I don’t actually know if female condoms would work any better for your purposes than a male condom. So spay/neuter sounds like your best bet.
She can get an IUD for about $400. Good for 5 years. Seems like a reasonable investment sans surgery for one or the other of you.
She could get her tubes tied, though even at the age of 37 most docs would balk at it, she might change her mind. I only say that because I’ve tried to get docs to go that route with me since I was 25. I’m 39 and they still won’t do it because I might change my mind. Bah. Never wanted kids, don’t and never will, but I might change my mind.
Anyway, I stopped the Pill after 35 because of the increased risk factors, and an IUD was the next non-permanent step to take. And was still difficult to convince doctors to do because I wasn’t married or in a long-term relationship at the time. The procedure was more uncomfortable than “advertised” and I was uncomfortable for a little over a week. Totally worth it.
Thanks for the response, Covered In Bees!,
Yeah, thats about what I figured. As Pete Townshend once wrote: “No easy way to be free”
just gotta bite the bullet.
SeaDragonTattoo: Aren’t IUDs a hormonal variety of contraceptive?
mo50: You’re welcome.
Wow! $400.00 for 5 years? Crikey, I call that a bargain, the best I ever had! Hell. I’d pay for it ('Hey Big Spendah!").
Thanks, Seadragon, will submit that idea to the boss! 'Course I’ll probably get a slap for not remembering why she already talked to the doctor about that and can’t use that method either, HAH!
That leaves fertility awareness, if you trust her to keep up with it.
This isn’t IMHO, but I’d also suggest a serious talk with GF about what she really wants.
Not all of them. Paraguard is one common brand that does not use any hormones.
If you’re willing to get a vasectomy, I’d say that is your best route (and if you don’t want unwanted child support, that really IS your best route). It is a very, very minor procedure these days. If my husband wasn’t so needle-phobic, we would have had that done seven years ago.
Thanks, Dont Mind Me, for the sound advice
A vasectomy isn’t all that drastic, since they are reversible if you change your mind down the road (though it takes another surgery).
Be advised that all birth control methods, even used exactly correctly, still have nonzero failure rates. IIRC, WhyNot conceived her first child while using three different methods simultaneously.
The copper IUD is non hormonal and is good for 10 years. I am using one right now!
The first three months were a painful, bloody mess, but it got better after that.
Funny story : My buddy had three wonderful girls, then went to get himself snipped, got scared & ran out. Proceeded to have his son! Guess it was meant to be. Ah well, who can figure?
Thanks Cat
All this stuff about condoms has strangely led people to forget there’s other forms of contraception… methods that had been used since time began.
Namely, pulling out during the time of the cycle when ovulation may occur, or better yet always.
People talk about how abstinence-only education teaches kids ignorance that is counterproductive, but the PC sex-ed classes omit a lot of information too, and it can be argued that it’s counterproductive as well.
When I had my vasectomy the Dr. was very clear that successful reversals are difficult, and I should assume that mine would not be reversable. I’m not an MD myself, but I took him at his word. Getting snipped was great for me, but your mileage will almost certainly vary.
When I first read about the female condoms in newspapers in the early 90s, one of the advantages the testers reported was that the thin material (a different type of plastic than normal condoms - I don’t remember what) transmitted sensations very well. Very, very well, to the joy of the couples who tried them. My wife and I never tried them. I wonder if male condoms are available from the same material.
No other advice except for you and your gal to get professional up-to-date advice from someone who knows what they’re talking about, i.e., not me!
From wikipedia:
So if used consistently, pulling out is quite effective.
I got the Implanon implant a few months ago. It’s a matchstick-sized implant in my upper arm. It lasts for 3 years. So far I haven’t had any side effects, and actually benefit from much-reduced periods.
It IS hormonal, but it uses a very low dose of Progestin (?), so it doesn’t have the typical side effects found with the Estrogen birth control pills. Or at least that’s what I remember. I am over 35 with a family history of stroke so the pill was a big no-no for me.
My insurance paid for it, but I think it was in the less-than-$500 range. Not too shabby for 3 years worth of protection!
I’m 44, too. If I got into a serious relationship again, I’d get the snip. I’d go for it now, but since sex for me is pretty rare it seems like overkill. I’m not so relaxed with the idea of a scalpel in my scrotum that I’m willing to get it done “just-in-case”. But in your position, I’d definitely do it.
You’re seriously comparing the “perfect use” (if there is such a thing) failure rate of pulling out with the “actual use” failure rates of condoms and birth control pills? Care to consider the “actual use” failure rate of pull & pray?
Yeah pulling out is a great method! Especially if you want to get pregnant.