I’d like to see what sex is like without a condom before having to resort to a vasectomy. Without going into too much details every condom I’ve tried has resulted in enough loss of feeling that blowjobs are much better than sex.
My girlfriend doesn’t want to go on the pill.
What other reliable(!!!) methods of birth control that don’t include all out long term sterilisation could we use? Something that doesn’t involve a break in sex and could be insterted/applied/whatever beforehand would be preferable. Something that could be used in the shower would be even moreso!
Have you heard of Depo-Provera? It’s an injection applied at the doctor’s office every few months. That’s what my girlfriend uses, and it works for her. Of course, I’ve read some stuff on here that it doesn’t work for everyone, and I’d invite Doper ladies who’ve had experience to chime in!
There are also umpteen-dozen threads discussing this very subject, along with god-knows how many threads discussing specific birth control methods. There’s a current thread about IUDs in IMHO, but unless she’s a girlfriend you intend to still be with in ten years, she’s not a good candidate for one of those.
Why won’t your girlfriend go on the pill? Knowing that reason will affect your other options. Does she not want to worry about having to take a pill every day? Does she not want to be taking hormones? Or does she just want a method that can be tried/scrapped on a day-by-day basis (i.e., one she doesn’t have to commit months of her life to)?
If she doesn’t like the whole if-I-forget-my-pill-we’re-doomed worry, then she can try depo-provera or the ortho-evra patch. For what it’s worth, my wife used Depo for a while, and loved (a) no worries about pregnancy/condom failure (b) the fact that she stopped menstruating completely. However, those things were counterbalanced by (a) significant, continuous weight gain (I think 5 addl. pounds for every year of use was a side-effect we had read about, and that she was experiencing) (b) the total obliteration of her sex drive by the hormones, which kind of made the whole endeavor pointless.
If your GF isn’t into hormones, then I presume she could get fitted for a diaphragm. But it’s not exactly as cheap as condoms ($25-50, plus doctor visit, plus spermicidal gel), and is only 85% effective. It can, however, be immediately discontinued with no lingering effects (unlike hormones, IUD, etc.).
Diaphragms are not going to be your most effective form of birth control, though IIRC their top range of effectiveness is roughly equivalent to the bottom range for condoms. Still, that’s rather more risk than most couples who are really serious about not getting pregnant want to take. (I’ve only ever known of one doctor who actually recommended a diaphragm, and that was to be used…wait for it…with a condom.)
There’s a whole world of birth control options out there, each with its own set of risks and benefits and contraindications. (Does the girlfriend smoke? Most hormonal methods aren’t recommended for women who smoke because of increased risk of stroke, so that tends to reduce your options.) I’d suggest reading the PP site to give yourself an idea of what’s out there, then talking to the gyno. A good ob/gyn can be a godsend for choosing birth control that works for your life and your body. Then come home and read everything you can find about the specific methods you’re leaning toward before making a decision.
My GF used the Depo injections for several years. Seemed to work very well.
She finally got tired of continually going to the clinic (which is in a rough area and is STUFFED full of very young teenage mothers and their chav boyfriends… anyway)
She had a small (matchstick implant) in her upper arm which lasts for 3yrs and is slightly more healthy than the injections because it administers the dose gradually over time.
Plus she can always have it removed early if our situation changes.
It’s called Implanon. I got me one. Works well, several downsides, loss of libido, irregular (but less frequent) periods, but if your gf doesn’t like hormones, then this isn’t the one for her.
If she’s on Medicare (and who wouldn’t be) it costs only the amount to get a script filled.
Well, ok, not the ONE ring, but a ring nonetheless. I know several women who swear by it, and I can tell you then none of them have anything that can be described as a low sex drive. Hell, a couple of them definitly have a higher than normal sex drive, but that’s just natural for them, that is to say, I don’t think the ring increased the sex drive.
It’s good because it’s another method that doesn’t require the woman to remember to do something daily, or to stop in the middle of sex and do something (like a diaphram.) If she ever does want to get pregnant, she can do so within a month’s time, it seems. The only tricky thing from what I hear it making sure it stays in. If left out for more than three hours, it says, it’s no longer assured. Of course, I’m sure if it was out for five hours there would still be pretty damn good protection, cause I can’t imagine five hours worth of hormones over a three week period is really all that much.
Just make sure you do it right - it’s a reasonably effective form of birth control as long as she carefully checks her cervical mucus and takes her temperature every day, and does quite a bit of work to figure out when she’s ovulating. The old-fashioned “count the days since your last period” approach is not effective; if you’re quite serious about using Natural Family Planning, it’s claimed to be as effective as condoms.
Nothing beats the reliability of hormonal methods, though.
As long as you check your temp, cervical fluid and cervical position (pick 2) you can get an accurate picture of fertility. The only real “guess” work is having sex before you ovulate. Because ovulation varies from month to month, guessing when the “egg drops” is the key. Have sex too close before the women ovulates and you get a kid. Anytime after ovulation (1-2 days) you’re 100% safe from pregnancy.
There’s not a lot of work involved. The temp rise is fairly pronouced (usually a whole degree) and cervical fluid is pretty easy to see (feel) as well. Used together, and any women can get an excellent picture of when not to have unprotected sex. It only takes 40 seconds a day to check your temp.
It’s not a lot of work, but it sounds like it’d require a lot of education. You don’t have to read books about how to take the pill. But that’s just the assumption of a gay guy who doesn’t even really know what a cervix looks like. I’d be curious to know if there are accurate statistics for how effective NFP is if it’s used right, and accounts of how long it takes to figure out the various cycles involved.
True, it’s not as simple as a pill but consider the money saved. FAM requires one book ($25 CAN), a thermometer ($15) and photocopied paper (free from work :D).
The pill costs what? ~$20 a month? (I have no idea). Every month.
The education could really be condensed to a small booklet (or a single class which are available). The book I have (Taking control of your fertility) is really 5% FAM and 95% general information (including how to plan children).
I think one of the reasons why FAM isn’t very common is that, there’s nothing to “sell” to people. Drug companies make money with pills and devices where as FAM is cheap to learn and doesn’t make anyone any real money. FAM also isn’t recommended for young people (because it does not protect against STDs like condoms) and you do have to have SOME knowledge on how you apply FAM.
I also think FAM got a bad rap with it’s (non) association with Rythym. FAM is to Rythym as science is to astrology.
One of the main problems with the pill is that gf is very scatterbrained about taking medication and is very rightfully worried that she’ll forget one day. I don’t think the FAM method would be all that useful to us!
