Hey all,
I was just wanting some advice really. It is my 25th birthday tomorrow, my sister was planning me a small party at my house with some friends i haven’t seen in about 5 years or more which i thought wow amazing i can’t wait.
Untill just a moment ago when i told my sister i won’t have any money until I get paid from work on Friday (been out of work for 3 weeks) and she said oh. Well i haven’t got money for anything so was kinda expecting to get the money for you for drink etc tomorrow.
I said to her i didn’t think i would be paying for my birthday and she said well what did you think was going to happen you would get the pizza and drink free?
Is it me being stupid or do i have a right to be upset? I paid £1500 to her wedding in july and paid £250 for her honeymoon (they paid the remaining £100) I also forked out £400 on her hen party and paid for her and 10 friends to go away and have a great night out which it was. On top of this I give her food everyday and she uses my internet telephone tv etc (no she doesn’t live with but feels it sometimes) and money to buy beer with as and when she wants it.
I may be being stupid here but i feel really angry hurt and upset over this I don’t actually drink myself because i hate the smell and taste of alcohol and i am currently recovering from a eating disorder so oonly just starting to eat again so this food and alcohol she wants isn’t even for me… i don’t know what i should say to her if anything. But any help advice etc would be amazing xx
Did you actually ask your sister to plan the party for you? Then there’s a reasonable assumption that you would pay for it.
Did your sister decide to throw the party for you? Then there’s a reasonable assumption that she would pay for it, or otherwise arrange for your friends to cover costs. And you have a right to be upset.
No I didn’t want a party I had a really good big one for my 21st but i believe in celebrating only big birthdays like 18th, 21st, 50th, 75th and 100th all other birthdays as I have got older don’t mean anything to me no more. If i had a choice I wouldn’t even want a day of my birthday i just not that kind of person which is why i was shocked that she was even planning anything because its not my kind of thing i prefer to curl up on the sofa and read a book with a cat on either side of me. that is what i was planning to do:dubious: but obviously i can’t do that now either :smack: seems to be all a mess while doing nothing i actually want to do
the person who arranges the party should pay. It was their idea.
I’d just show her empty pockets and act bewildered at having to finance your own ‘surprise’.
I made it clear to her that all i wanted was to be at home with a book and she seemed fine with that and then this. Its been the same since my 22nd birthday when i did the exact same thing. I have always been like this as well but even more since my mum moved away over 5000 miles away so birthdays don’t feel worth celebrating even more since she left because we used to get a chinese and watch little women together i used to love it lol my sister is 22 very confident, loud, lively, enjoys drinking, dancing hates not having soemthing to celebrate that kinda person completely different from me lol
I certainly agree with all the other posters who say your sister is being presumptuous. That said: if you really do feel the way you said above about the party, then my vote is to enjoy it. Don’t pay for anything you don’t want to pay for, but don’t let an opportunity to catch up with old friends go by, either. Years down the road you likely won’t regret spending (a reasonable amount of) money, but you probably would regret not taking full advantage of old friends coming around.
Besides the money issue (you shouldn’t pay), extroverts shouldn’t plan parties for introverts.
Is there any way you can skip out on the party altogether, and just get together somewhere quiet with your friends? Or, better yet, can you get your sister on board with this as an alternate plan?
Sis needs some growing up. She obviously doesn’t understand adulthood, responsibilities, and paying your own way. Actually, since you’ve been paying for all her entertainment, I can see why she’d expect you to pay for your own birthday party. You paid for her wedding, her honeymoon, her “hen” party, her beer, her telephone, etc etc etc.
Time to tell Sis that “The Bank of Sibling” is permanently closed.
~VOW
You’ve been overly generous with your sister already, by paying for her wedding and honeymoon. Now it seems that she believes you are an ATM. Disabuse her of this notion by refusing to fund your own birthday party.
If you don’t have enough wiggle room in your budget to pay for a few drinks and a pizza until Friday, then you need to reconsider your generosity and let your sister pay for her own vacations. You need to take care of yourself first.
That being said, quit keeping a ledger in your head of how much you’ve spent on her. No good will come of it. Money given freely should be written off and forgotten.
Let me add my voice to those saying you’ve been giving her too much money already - she has come to have an expectation that you’ll keep coughing up money for her, but it’s never too late to rectify an uneven situation. You don’t pay for a party that someone else has planned; your sister planned it, she needs to pay for it. For her to expect you to pay is unreasonable, even though you have kind of taught her to expect you to pay by your past actions. Time to straighten her out!
Wow. Expecting someone else to pay for their own “surprise” birthday party is incredibly rude. Even moreso when the guest of honor isn’t interested in the type of party being planned.
If you want to get together with your friends, is there any way you could do a potluck-type party with your friends? In other words, have each person bring a dish? I know that might be considered tacky, but if you don’t have money, you don’t have it.
Cut off your sister, and do what you want for your birthday.
If she’s a married woman, she can afford her own internet, rent, food, etc. Don’t continue to enable her - she’ll never learn to make her own way. You aren’t doing her any favours.
On occasion, I’ve had a friend or three who tried to take over control of my birthday for me. It’ll go like this: I will decide what I want to do and when. I start inviting my friends. For some reason, whatever it is that I decided I want just isn’t good enough for this friend (or three) so they’ll start throwing up new suggestions, like changing the venue or the time or the menu or whatever. A couple times, I’ve found myself putting up with an evening that really wasn’t what I had in mind and really wasn’t what I wanted. I’d just capitulated to be a pleaser.
After a couple years of that in a row, I finally put my foot down. I still think up what I want to do and who I want to invite. But when the “better” suggestions start coming down the pike, I will politely let the person know that I am not changing plans to accommodate their tastes. I will be happy to accommodate their taste on their birthday, but this one here is mine and if you don’t like the movie or the menu or the bar or the restaurant or whatever I’ve chosen, then I’m so sorry. I’ll miss you! Too bad you won’t be there!
I have also called everyone back and canceled the whole damn thing because maybe I didn’t really feel like celebrating in the first place. I will not allow myself to be pushed into doing something I don’t want to do anymore.
If you still want to move forward with this party, then I suggest calling all the invitees and asking them each to bring something. It could be potlluck or you could make assignments. Personally, I’d lean toward canceling and trying to make arrangements to visit with the friends you haven’t seen in five years separately from the special occasion. But I, too, am an introvert and am just as likely to tell 'em all to bugger off. (You’re in the UK, right? Did I use “bugger off” correctly?)
If your sister were a regular, reasonable person, you would have a right to be upset and shocked and surprised that she would expect you to pay. However, since past experience has clearly shown you that your sister is a humongous selfish mooch who takes whatever she can get, this is precisely the sort of thing you should have expected from her.
