Maybe this is something you’ve heard before, I know I’m not the first person who is going through this. I’m not really sure how to start so here it is. I’m bisexual, men and woman turn me on. I have bee with woman before, never with a man, but I know I really need to be with a man or t have that experience. At the same time I love woman, I love everything about them. here are the two problems
everyone thinks I’m strait. How do I come out as bisexual without everyone labaling me as gay. how many woman want to go out with a man who also likes men.
2)if strait and gay couples choose a partne rfor life, for example a strait man might choose a woman and may question if she is right for he. He may be tempted by other woman but at least there all the same sex. How can I choose, for example if I choose a man, i’m not only tempted by other men, but also by woman. If any other Bisexual men and woman are out there it would be nice to hear how you manage. i know strait and gay people but no bi people, plus no one knows.
Being nice and replying, hoping there are no bridges and goats involved.
Short answer, people will believe whatever they want to about you, not much you can do about it. Tell them you’re bi, and deal with their reactions, or don’t and don’t.
And you either choose to be monogamous and ignore temptation, or you have an open relationship (not the same as cheating).
Being bisexual doesn’t give you a “get out of jail free card” if you cheat on your partner.
Right now most people think I’m straight because I’m in a permanent monogamous thing with a bloke of the opposite sex. I’m never sure whether it’s worth making a point of it or not. I mention it where relevant - eg in conversations about who’s hot on TV…
Monogamy is pretty much the same deal whatever your fancy - you agree to pass up all others for your sweetie. It doesn’t matter if those others are black, white or green, or have their plumbing set up with an innie or an outie.
Non-monogamy is a legitimate choice if your partner genuinely agrees, but it can be hard to handle the jealousy and hhonesty and trust issues.
As for who wants to go out with a man who likes men? Well, it may not be the “ooh lesbians” thing you get from straight guys, but it does seem to work for a lot of women I know. Plus if you’re bi you can have fun people watching in cafes - mutual perving - he’s hot; no look at that one…
Those who would label you as anything will never have your best interests at heart, so don’t worry about it! You have to be prepared to accept though that such people exist and that you can’t avoid them.
Unfortunately not many, but you don’t have to tell them
All I can say is think it through, and don’t act out of fear, cos then you’ll just be unhappy. If you do come out, prepare yourself for a big challenge.
Bit of a hi-jack here…sorry!
Why is it that women seem to be able to relate more easily to a same sex relationship than men do., is it the ‘macho male’ thing or what?
I’m a bisexual female. Whenever I have never been in a long term relationship with a woman but whenever I have been in a long term relationship with a man I have always told him about my sexual orientation. I have never been deeply involved with a man who had a problem with it but then that is probably because that is the sort of open-minded people I choose as partners. Monogamy is monogamy period although I am very honest about being attracted to women and if I am attracted to a woman I will be honest and tell my partner about it. Their reaction has varied but I have found discussing it with them is far better than trying to hide it. Secrecy breeds deceit, at least for me. My ex-husband was very understanding and actually allowed me to persue one or two liaisons with women during our marriage. I dont’ think it really impacted out marriage all that much but I wouldn’t reccommend it because sex of any kind is emotional and could degrade your primary relationship. A menage a trois could be an alternative if your partner agrees but that could cause just as many problems.
I think women relate better to same sex marriages because women are more emotional to and able to show affection to begin with. Men are taught by societal standards to be more stoic and less affectionate so TWO men seems unatural my societal standards where two women seems more loving and somehow more natural.
I’m Bi too, and have identified as such for a long time. I don’t hide it from anyone. I came out to my parents as Bi when I brought my first girlfriend home, but it took them some time (try 8 years) and relationships with guys too, for it to sink in that I was Bi, not a Lesbian. It is easier for people to pigeon hole you into either gay or straight because that is what is commonly known. I love it (with all sarcasm) when I am told that I must be just going through a phase. Please. This is an AWFULLY long phase. And I have gotten that reaction from both straight and gay people. Sometimes from the person that I was dating. Gee, and they wonder why we aren’t dating anymore.
I feel that bisexuality and monogamy are two separate things. It is very possible for a bisexual to have a monogamous relationship with someone of either sex, just as it is possible that the person in question could have, say two relationships- one with a man and one with a woman. Or they could be in it all together as a tri. It all has to do with the bi person, and what they are deep down most comfortable with and want. Can you fall in love with two people at the same time? Are you able to be monogamous? Or does that become utterly impossible for you? What if you only fall for one person at a time? I know that straight people can fall in love with more than one person too, from talking to a few about the matter.
As for the question
I’ve never gone out with a bi man, but I wouldn’t have a problem with it. As a matter of fact, that is a bit of a turn on. It could be for more women. You aren’t going to know until you try it.
Never ever ever hide your sexuality from the ones that you are dating. They have a right to know the truth, and be able to accept you and love you for the person that you are, or to not be ok with it and not to date you.
Hiding yourself, trying to change your self to fit someone else’s idea of who you should be, will only lead to anguish.
I agree with what people have already said–if my partner agrees to a monogamous relationship, I don’t care who she’s tempted by (or leaves me for)–it’s still a problem. If we’re in an open relationship, I just want to know what’s going on.
I have had most of my significant relationships with bi women, and it’s never been a big deal to me. I do notice that they tend not to speak up when they’re called “lesbian,” so I’m often the person saying “just because she’s with me doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian.”
I’m with all the others who say that monogamy is monogamy, regardless of whom you’re refraining from having sex with. If you know what I mean.
I’m attracted to both men and women (although not ALL men or ALL women, thank you very much) and I’ve had intimate relationships with both, but I’ve been pretty traditionally married to a man for over 20 years. If I were to be unfaithful to him, it wouldn’t matter whether the other person were a man or a woman, he’d be equally hurt by the betrayal of trust. He does think it’s kind of fun, though, that when he notices an attractive woman, I’m more likely to be noticing her as well instead of getting jealous.
You bring up an excellent point that very few people acknowledge about being bi. Everyone tends to think that it doubles your chances of getting a date, when in reality it limits your selection to either men or women who are willing to accept your being bisexual.
But those men and women are out there, and they’re worth waiting for. Just be honest with them and with yourself, and the rest will come.
I’ve kind of avoided the issue of coming out as bi by figuring it’s nobody’s business who I find attractive unless I happen to be hitting on them, and not giving a damn what anybody else might think if they did find out. Current girlfriend knows about it, former boyfriend knows about it, future ex wife knows about it, and that’s pretty much it, if you don’t count the fine folks at the SDMB. I’m not necessarily advocating this approach, but it’s working for me.
Temptation and stepping outside the bounds of an agreed upon monogamy are different things, and I just can’t see it mattering whether it’s men, women, or both who’s causing the temptation.
I hope that’s at least vaguely helpful. Mostly I just figured the thread needed a man’s touch. Gender balance and all.
Besides, I hear that “boy on boy is the new black”, so give it a couple of years and you might find yourself fashionable.
Thanks for all the reponses. It’s weird, but you can drive yourself crazy thinking about these things in your head, but it was nice to hear other people have dealt with things similar and go on living there live. I’m not sure yet what I’ll do, but I just wanted to say thanks.
I am attracted to women. I have been attracted to women for a very long time. Any time I have been attracted to one I have always been attracted to many.
I am engaged. That is still the case. I am still attracted to men, as I have been for … 4 years? I haven’t stopped desiring men so much as I am happy with the woman I’m with now.
You like different kinds of food, right? If you found the perfect sandwich, you could eat one every day for the rest of your life, yes? Maybe spruce it up occasionally, sometimes just eat the meat, etc.
But you’d still like ice cream. And donuts, and salad, and all sorts of other kinds of food.
Just because you’re with someone doesn’t mean you cease to be attracted to anyone else.
The way you come out is by being as simple and honest as you can be. Bear in mind that to some people bisexual=incapable of choosing one gender or another, and other similarly ludicrous things. Explain what it means in terms of who you are. If people want to understand, try to explain. If people do not, you have better things to do with your time.
I came out to my mother by saying that I had no gender preference and to my father by saying I wasn’t exclusively hetero. Really, that’s what it is for me … I don’t have a gender preference. I still, because of how I was raised, tend to get more excited by girls than by guys, but if I see a hot guy I have to remind myself sometimes where I am (guys checking out other guys here in The South is not as safe as it would be in NYC).
And don’t even get me started on those two black models in the Ralph Lauren ad.
You tell them “I’m bi sexual”, they’ll only think your gay if you say “I’m gay”! And if my boyfriend was bi-sexual it wouldn’t matter to me. But then I’m bi, so it would be hypocritical if it did.
I can only speak for myself, but I don’t get tempted by anyone else, male or female. I love my boyfriend and wouldn’t want anyone else.
