I want to buy a new car.
Long story short, car of my dreams: Toyota Matrix. It’s everything I want. Exactly.
Now, 50% of the reason I’m buying a new car is because I want a ** safer ** car. I want to take advantage of all the great new safety features that have become cheaply available since my little Paseo was built.
Toyota advertises, everywhere, that side impact airbags cost a mere $250, and are “available” as an “option” on the base and the XR Matrix.
What they neglected to mention, is that this is evidently ** entirely theoretical ** .
What I’m learning in practice is that the only **MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING BOOGER-PICKIN’ WAY ** that I can actually * exercise * this “option” is if I buy the top-of-the-line Matrix with a whole bunch of costly, stupid gewgaws that I not only do not wish to pay for, I actively do NOT WANT them on my car, including an extra 50hp and some stupid “underbelly” spoiler that makes the car drag the ground like one of those dung-beetle carclub 57 Chevys. All of which costs something in the neighborhood of an additional THREE FUCKING THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS.
But wait, there’s more… several dealers have told me: “Well, you * can * special order it, but it will take 8-10 weeks to be made. And it might not get made at all. Or in 10 weeks they may tell you to wait another 10 weeks. So I wouldn’t recommend it.”
So I call Toyota itself, and their customer assistance center tells me that Toyota builds ‘em like it feels like buildin’ 'em, and tough shit to me if I want $300 worth of safety features and don’t want to buy $2500 worth of alloy wheels and a sunroof to go with it, everybody else does. Of course, I could special order it, and they could think about it for a few months, wipe their asses with it and send it back stamped “…Nah”
Now, excuse me…but not only do I fucking RESENT the idea that in order to have more SAFETY I have to buy more BULLSHIT, but I can’t STAND being lied to. And telling me that side air bags are “available” for the base model as an “option” but ** not without spending $2500 ** strikes me as FALSE FUCKING ADVERTISING.
I’m calling the goddamn FTC tomorrow and bitching my head off.