(Re: Newman)
Elaine: Maybe he’s an enigma. You know- a riddle wrapped in a mystery.
Jerry: Yeah. He’s a riddle wrapped in a twinkie.
Kramer: “Who’s gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It’s chocolate, it’s peppermint - it’s delicious!”
Jerry: “That’s true.”
Kramer: “It’s very refreshing!”
Jerry: “Let me finish my coffee. Then we’ll go watch 'em slice this fat bastard up.”
(TV guide fan on the subway): e-LAINE!
Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
Jerry: “What about the panting, the moaning, the groaning, the screaming?”
Elaine: “Fake, fake, fake, fake.”
From the episode “The Bris” (I love the sub-plot about the Pig Man):
KRAMER: Wait wait George. You got room in the car for the pig-man huh?
GEORGE: The pig-man can take the bus.
KRAMER: George, if the pig-man had a car, he would give you a ride.
GEORGE: How do you know? What if pig-man had a two-seater?
KRAMER: Be realistic George.
Shamelessly stolen from IMDB:
George Costanza: Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Sleep, do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating… THAT’S a fantasy camp.
George: “Oh no, I’m sorry, but it’s “The Moops”. “Moops” is the correct answer.”
Elaine to Jerry who has just done one more selfish thing.
“Just when I think you reached bottom, you manage to drain a little more out of the tank.”
KID: I want a racing car set.
KRAMER: Ho ho ho ho. A racing car set! Those are assembled in Taiwan by kids like you. And these Coleman pigs, they sell it at triple the cost.
KID: But I want a racing car set.
KRAMER: You see kid, you’re being bamboozled. These capitalist fat cats are inflating the profit margin and reducing your total number of toys.
KID: Hey, this guy’s a COMMIE!
“The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gabardine.”
George: The sea was angry that day my friend - like an old man trying to return soup at a deli.
Jackie Childs: Who told you to put a balm on? Did I tell you to put a balm on?
Kramer: I’m Cosmo Kramer, the Ass Man.
Misc:
Serenity now…serenity now…
No soup for you!
Was that wrong?
Mulva?
Kramer: Ha ha, the Ukraine. Do you know what the Ukraine is? It’s a sitting
duck. A road apple, Newman. The Ukraine is weak. It’s feeble. I think it’s
time to put the hurt on the Ukraine.
Ukrainian: I come from Ukraine. You not say Ukraine weak.
Kramer: Yeah, well we’re playing a game here, pal.
Ukrainian: Ukraine is game to you?! How 'bout I take your little board and smash
it!!
The Ukrainian pounds the game board, destroying it and sending army pieces
flying.
Moil: “Thank God the flincher didn’t hurt the baby!”
George’s mother: “I’m out there.”
George: “You’re NOT out there. Because I’m out there and if I thought for one minute that you’re out there, there wouldn’t be enough voltage in the universe to jolt me back into coherency!”
George Costanza: “Remember, Jerry. It isn’t a lie, if you believe it.”
Ad man, commenting on Kramer’s audition for an underwear ad:
“His buttocks are sublime.”
Who?!? Who does not want to wear thee ribbon?!?
We’re living in a society!
These pretzels are making me thirsty.
I walk in to find my son treating his body like an amusement park!
Cartwright? Cartwright?
Get out!!!
Serenity now!!!
I could drop you like a sack of dirt.
It means whatever the hell you want it to mean.
You hate the Drake?
Shrinkage!!!
Uncle Leo: I ordered this rare! I bet the cook is an anti-Semite.
Jerry: Fine, can we get back to what we were talking about before Goebbels back there made your sandwich?
Sid Farcus: I know I myself could use some support. I’ve noticed. . . when I wear banlon. There seems to be some jiggling.
Frank: I wouldn’t be caught dead in banlon.
Frank: You, uh. . . know about cup sizes?
George: Yeah. I know about the cup sizes.
Frank: You got your A. . . your B. . . your C. . . your D. That’s the biggest.