Boo-Hoo, Poor Me, I Have a Social Life

Urgh. I have to go to a friend’s b’day party tonight at a chic lesbian bar in the West Village. Next week, I am going to a media/journalism cocktail party at some other goddam chi-chi nightclub in Chelsea. And all I can think is, “ooh, poop, I just wanna crawl home, have some tea and get into bed with the cats and a good book.”

Boo-fucking-hoo, poor little me. It was fun in the '80s when I was young and cute and full of pep, but I’m too old and grumpy and tired for this. Does anyone else want my glamorous New York Sarah-Dorothy-Parker life for awhile?

Well, I could try, but being neither Chic nor lesbian, it might not go so well… :wink:

. . . I’m not lesbian either, but I am SO goddam chic . . .

Eve, I’ll take a shot at it. Is there a test I must pass first or somesuch?

Fire away. I’m tired of being chic and not a lesbian in Chicago. I’m ready for the big time!

So are you saying you need a date, or what? :slight_smile:

I’ll take it. I’m chic and while not a lesbian, the utter lack of men in my life certainly qualifies me as a look-a-like.

I’ve also been studying the tapes of Sex and the City (no cable for me) and I think I could pull it off. There was even an episode where Charlotte starts hanging out with the chic power lesbians. Take me with you, Eve!

I’m not at all chic, and I suspect I’d make the world’s ugliest lesbian–especially if I didn’t get rid of my beard–but I’m willing to give it a shot.

Me! Me! Me! Pick me!!!

(in best Beavis and Butthead voice)

huh huh huh huh…lesbians…huh huh huh…dude like we’re gonna score!..huh huh huh

Eve, I can be in New York by tomorrow. You can have my patrol car and radar gun. Oh, what the hell you crazy kid—you can even have the keys to the shotgun rack.

Just clean up after you’re done. I’ll be up at the West Village with my tongue hanging out! :smiley:

I do! I would love to have a glamorous NY life one more time before I’m too old and grumpy and tired - which could be any minute now.

And since I’ve have a glamourous NY life before (well, maybe more decadent than glamorous) you won’t have to spend a lot of time explaining where Chelsea is and how to get there on the subway…oh, wait, you said glamorous. You won’t have to spend a lot of time teaching me to hail a cab.

Not to mention you can have my life which includes a house full of many many good books and many many cats. And if you don’t want to go cold turkey, you can have my media job which is glamorous by…umm…local standards.

I’m terribly sorry - I’d love to, but at the moment I’m understudying for Fran Liebowitz’s life and I don’t think I can possibly get away.
I have a very rigorous schedule - first, I have to stay in bed until noon having stayed up until the wee hours the night before, then I have to smoke a whole lot of cigarettes, make some phone calls, lunch, and then I have to think up excuses for not getting any work done - all before 6 o’clock!

It’s a tough life, and sometimes I cheat and get out of bed at 11, but I’m just going to have to stick to it if I want to get it right.